Should I? ... need advice
I'm having a hard time right now. My boyfriend is getting annoyed with the vegan thing, because we used to cook together. I mean we still do, just not the same stuff (or in the same pots/pans/wok, ect like before, except maybe the occasional stirfry that starts out vegan). I mean, he likes a few things I cook vegan, but it's familiar things to him (pasta, veggie soup, lentil soup, ect that he used to eat as a kid ... it gave him fond memories).
Plus we are tight on money at the moment (he's getting upset about that, too). And my vegan replacement stuff is expensive. I don't want to live off of pasta and Ramen noodles. So I was thinking of going back to vegetarian for the time being. But this time it'll be Lacto-veggie instead of Lacto-ovo (I hate eggs now). This way, I can eat stuff he likes without eating meat (he eats a lot of dairy). And it would save on money because we are not buying two of everything (one vegan and one regular).
What do you all think?
I think you should do what you feel comfortable with. Don't make a decision just to appease someone, it might come back to hurt your relationship somehow. Maybe take the time to reevaluate your guys' budget. Remember eating animals is expensive too! It just looks like your vegan items are more so because you two used to eat the same. Meet in the middle somewhere with both of you compromising. No one here is going to judge you. :) My DH is an omni and occasionally when we go out I'll have something with dairy in it just because it makes our life a whole lot easier, but then he is always looking out for new places we can both eat and be happy.
Thanks Lauren. I was lacto-ovo before as I mentioned, and he was ok with that. And I'm not strict vegan anyway. But the vegan thing is what is hurting our relationship now. We LOVE to cook together, and we can't since I went vegan, except on occasion. And it does make it hard for us to eat out, because 99% of the time, I can't eat what they make.
My husband eats dairy and eggs (meat on a rare occasion). Sometimes I print out a bunch of vegan recipes and let him choose which one he wants me to make. Last Sunday, he got a craving for potato soup. Normally, I would just make it for the both of us, but I was tired, so he suggested we make it together. It was so much fun that we both agreed to cook together every Sunday (I don't know if that will actually happen--but I would love it if it did!).
I don't know if this would help, but maybe you could print out a bunch of vegan recipes and ask him if he'd like to choose one--or let him search and choose one on Vegweb that he really is interested in making. I've been really fortunate that my husband really likes that I'm vegan, and is happy that I cook healthy food. He doesn't eat as much dairy as he used to as a consequence, and he doesn't mind. As long as the food is yummy, he's appreciative and happy ;D. Both my husband and I have talked about this, and we both agree that we save a lot of money from not buying meat or eating out.
Hey baypuppy. I love the new pic.
Anyways, I don't think I can talk him into being lacto-ovo. I mean, he does eat some vegan things I eat. BUT he pesters me about putting meat in stir-fries and the like. So I make it vegan at first, get my portion, then add meat for him. Just like one night, I made a totally vegan veggie soup (which he likes), but he put pepperoni in it and had chucks of cheese on the side! Is he rebelling or what? All this is happening recently. He never complained before (well, I've only been vegan 4 months ... veggie for 3 years, which he is used to).
We used to make the most yummy mashed tators ever (I should post this recipe for lacto veggies). But I refused to eat it since it had half and half in it (but lots of garlic ...... yummmmm). He doen't like soy milk, and neither do I, so we haven't had that in a while. He griped about it last night.
Sheesh. We are supposed to get married in June and he is fussing about diet choices ... !@#$ ... I do love this man, though. So I'm caught between a rock and a hard place, as the saying goes.
Shaolin, my SO is a total meat eater. He does eat as much veggies as I do, though. He was fine with me being lacto-ovo, then I went vegan. It's just recently that he is rebelling.
My husband is Omni and I am Vegetarian bordering on Vegan and we cook together - it hasn't been a problem. We both try to honour each other's dietary choices and give each other space on the food issue.
I almost never use analogs - I don't like the price or the taste - and they are almost the only expensive veggie food item. Things like nuts and capers are expensive, but we both eat them. The most expensive thing in our diet is meat and cheese - and I never eat meat and very rarely eat cheese. I try to cook vegan foods that are naturally vegan, rather than imitation omni dishes.
When we cook together, we usually make a vegan dish, and then we prepare a meat "side dish" for him - if we grill, we grill both meat and veggies. We've made Pastitsio in which he put meat for himself and our guests in one casserole, and a vegan version for me (we did use crumbles in that).
I don't try to limit his meat consumption - I do share health concerns in general conversation -but never in a "please don't eat that" kind of way. If he is craving meat, I try to find a place that serves something he likes. I think the power struggle comes when the Omni feels like you are trying to restrict them, so I go out of my way to give him his freedom and respect his choices. Unless we have agreed otherwise for a specific meal, I try to make sure that he has animal-source protein available at every meal, and not look at it as a personal thing if he eats it or not.
And he, in turn, is exceptionally considerate about trying to find me food to eat when we go out. For instance, the other night we went out with friends, and he made the arrangements at work before talking to me and he made sure that they choose a restaurant that had vegan choices for me (which is a challenge where we are right now!)
I think if you are open about it, and give each other space, it is something that can work out great and not be any hinderance to your relationship - it may even be a blessing - maybe you should sit down and talk and strategize together how you can make this work for both of you. :)
When I decided to go vegan, straight from being an omni, I told my guy that and that he could eat whatever he wanted, I would not be eating it anymore. We both have always loved vegetarian food and ate alot of it. I didn't ever cook the meat anyway, never have been able to touch it (ick), so it didn't seem like to big of a change in my eyes. Well, he got very defensive, the whole 'I love meat you can't make me eat veg...". So I made it clear that it is my choice, he makes his own and we live with it. We talked about it the next day and he had calmed, admiting he really does actually like veggie meals every once in a while. Then a couple days later he announced that he was going to go veg with me ('but still eating cheese!'). THen he went vegan a couple weeks later after reading a few things about the reality of it.
My point is that while he may never go veg, chances are things will probably calm down and he will come to accept your choices. Stay strong in whatever you choose and you will be respected for that. Keep the lines of communications open. You love each other, you'll figure something out that will work for both of you together.
I like what baypuppy said about having us suggest substitutes. I find I actually don't spend more money going vegan, quite the opposite. Having said that it, it is a pain to cook two meals for two people at every meal. If going lacto is going to make your relationship easier and it isn't upsetting to you, I say do it. As others have said, you won't hear any recriminations from any of us. I myself have the occasional cheese if we eat out because it makes for a more pleasant experience for others (though cheese now makes me hurt after I eat it).
We all have to do what feels right for us and works into our lives. Much as many of us here are very very strict vegans and are very careful about everything in our lives, I suspect many of us are like I am. I have so much on my plate that going through everything in the house to be sure it is vegan...well it is just not doable right now. I do the best I can to be kind to animals and the environment.
Do what is best for YOU.
OMG!!! So much great advice here. You guys and gals are so helpful! ;)
Well, the one thing I buy a lot for me is "fake meat" as my boyfriend calls it and tofu. But, like it has been said, his meat is more expensive than mine. But what I do for him (when I bought the groceries) is buy big chunks of meat, portion it out for meals, and that would last him a month or so. We buy lots of veggies, stuff for his dairy addiction, ect.
Baypuppy, you may be on to something there. Great idea. We both love pasta, veggies of all kinds, ect. And, like Shaolinbunny's suggestion, print/choose recipes both of us will eat (veg or not), and let him pick, and I can veganize my portion. That sounds do-able :)
And I will sit him down and talk about it. I'll let you know what happens.
Good news! No need for me to stray from being vegan! Yay!
I figured out a way to do it (with all your help, that is). Baypuppy and Shaolinbunny's suggestions made so much sense to me. It's working! I have also decided NOT to buy fake meat anymore, except Boca burgers for BBQ's and the like. It will be a mostly veggie diet for me and tofu. I love tofu too much to give it up. You can make so many things with it.
I am so excited now! I'm going hunting for new veggie recipes to try on VegWeb. See you all later ;)
That's great!
Hope you love it.
Don't forget, homemade seitan is cheap, too - and pretty easy to make from vital wheat gluten.
And of course, there is always the glorious lentil 8)
Wise decisions! Especially as a lot of the "fake meats" are very processed...more natural is better. I too do a big shop once every month or so for DH's meats. The shop itself is always crowded and I don't enjoy the experience, so I always go when they first open (like wait outside till they do!) so I can go in and out in a hurry. It's kind of a game to see how long we can make each freezerful last before I have to go back to the shop. (Small freezer). I'm enjoying finding veggie recipes he likes on here..and he's even invented a couple himself!
Thank goodness for VegWeb!
I agree, Yabbit. And thanks all sooooo much for your help. Yes, VegWeb rocks! ;)
I totally agree, Prettyin_punk. It was getting expensive, but I found a way around it. So I think it's "do-able" now.