So, they say my mom has 2-6 months to live.
I don't know what to think. Part of me doesn't believe it...someone has to be mistaken, right? They have been seeing wacky things for 2 years now, they even did exploratory pelvic surgery but they didn't find anything. Then last month- they did a biopsy on so masses they found in her breasts...I guess they say she has cancer all throughout her body.
She doest look sick...I cussed at her when she told me..."Stop yanking my f***ing chain! with this sh*t" (she kept going back and forth with what the doctors were saying...) to compound the issue...she and my dad have been separated for about two years now and of my three siblings and myself, I'm the only one who will talk with her. My siblings don't even like be to bring up her name in a conversation...She has instructed me not to discuss any of this with my father...so who can a I talk about it with...My therapist? 60 dollars and hour to spill to her and all I can do each week, when I'm there, is talk about my whiny little self...haha...erm...
I feel sad. But I also feel like I'm in denial...but part of be doesn't feel like I'm in denial...just like its REALLY not happening...But mostly, I feel like a bad daughter...and I feel really angry too. I'm not sure why life tends to go the way it goes? You know? And about going to school...well, i just don't think I want to with her ---you know--- I'd never be able to forgive myself for that-ever....plus- even though she didn't do somethings right, I still love her so very much...I mean, shes my mommy...you know? Haha- all this time and I haven't cried about it- nope, not once...but right now I have tears spilling into my lap.
I know that we are not really guaranteed even one day here on earth...so getting all upset about this might be futile anyways. And then there is the whole thing with what happens when we die..and my mom is saying she just doesn't know what to think of God anymore and that makes me feels scared. I know a lot of you don't believe in God...but, my mom taught me to love God. Now she says she doesn't know what to believe...I know a lot of you are atheist- but my mom never was before. Sometimes my words that used to bring (her) comfort about God and what the Bible says- just don't anymore..I don't know what to say to her now... She kinda scoffs a little bit when i mention it... What can I say- I love you, I guess.. :'(
Im sorry this post turned out longer than I meant it to. She told be two weeks ago.. :'(
It really would be good if you could meet her doctors and find out everything that is going on.
(VHZ) We're here for you!
((Zealia)) I couldn't even fathome the thought of going through this either...my thoughts are with you and your mother
Lots of Love,
ariana
It really would be good if you could meet her doctors and find out everything that is going on.
(VHZ) We're here for you!
I agree!! It seems like it'd really be best.
With all that's going on, you may not even be getting a really clear relay of info right now.
Other than that right now, Im ODATing it-- (One Day At a Time, that is- for my non 12 steppin' friends!) Thanks again guys!
Good plan.
(((((((Zealia))))))))) :'(
Oh Zealia, I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. I know you already have a lot on your plate right now. I will agree with everyone who has recommended Hospice. We used them with 3 of my grandparents and they were fabulous. We too, had lots of family drama and they helped us deal with each other, so we could give all our support to the grandparents.
From other posts on here, I know that you are very strong in your faith. It must be hard to deal with your mother becoming confused about hers. I used to be a very devout Christian, (not so much anymore) but hopefully what I say will make sense. Since your mother has had such a strong love for God throughout her life, and taught you to do the same, maybe she just thinks it's unfair that she has to go through this. You know, like "God, I was devout. I did what you wanted. Why is this happening to me?" Does that make sense? I have to believe that any God I could ever believe in would look at your mom's life and realize that she lived her life for him, and eventhough her faith is wavering now, she truely was faithful to him. I was always taught in church that the Christian God is a loving God. So, I hope this made some sense to you, and can be of some comfort.
Also (I'm almost done, I promise) be there for her. Even if she tries to close herself off from you. Don't let her. And I agree with some other posters, talk to her about telling the rest of your family. Let her know that you are having a hard time. Just talk and enjoy your time together. Someone else said, Don't have any regrets. She's your mommy. :)
I will be thinking about you.
*hugs Zealia*
My deepest sympathies and peaceful healing thoughts for you and your mom. I would plan for the worst (2months) and hope for the best (6+ months). Make sure she knows you care and love her no matter how sick or irrational she may be. I would probably start bringing her little things, either a flower, a book or a cupcake but that is how I demonstrate my own emotions. Everyone does that differently, so do what feels best for you and makes her happy. Should she not wish to have religion close at hand then save that for your own comfort but keep the offer & lines of communication open.
Just to share a bit, my paternal grandmother was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer 5 years ago. She opted to do nothing aside from Gene Replacement Therapy (I think). The original estimate was 6 months, but she lived a good, healthy and relatively pain free 4 years after that. So do not give up hope just because someone says 6 months. Life is always a gamble and any of us could go at any time, so be true to yourself, be good to yourself, and love without reservation.
*big hugs*
my heart goes out to you and your mum.
my mom is having a total mastectomy on Monday. :( she came her TO MY WORK and was acting all needy. I had a horrible, horrible day and I feel cranky and Id rather not be a bitch to her. But I'm so flippin tiered!!!! Physically exhausted. She wanted to come to spend the night at my house (for like the millionth time in the past few weeks and I put my foot down and said "no, i really need time alone..." and of course, she told my boss everything....which not makes my PERSONAL life invade my WORK LIFE....which is, you know...not my personal life....
and i feel incredibly fat...but i suppose all that is besides the point.....
yeah, def. not going to my vegetarian meet up tonight, cause I was feeling like $hit before she came...now I def feel worse...and....I'm prolly going to hell or something like that...even if hell is just whatever my mind puts me through with guilt for the next 60 years...whatever
gawd, I'm so fat!
Oh boy, total mastectomy. My grandma had a total mastectomy a few years ago, but she was in strangely good spirits about it afterwards (I suppose because the cancer didn't come back!).
This must be so emotionally draining for you. There was a while when I was taking care of my mom (while in high school!) and it was really terrible. Sometimes I just wanted to have me-time, and I felt terrible about it. Here you have someone who really needs you, and you think about what you want. But it's uncontrollable; you're a human, not a guardian angel. There's only so much you can do and bear, and regardless of that your mom needs you. I have no advice to give, except that you've got to be supportive of yourself if you need to be supportive of her (I guess it's like the "love yourself before you love others" thing). Go ahead and let yourself feel like $hit, just don't feel guilty about feeling crappy! we all need to wallow in misery sometimes... self-pity has this weird thing for me; doing it helps me not self-pity somehow...
Maybe there's a balance to be found, but that's not to say you'll be any happier. I found a balance (I stayed in school!) but I was still miserable until she got better.
You might feel burnt out now, but I know you'll find that perseverance and strength to carry you through. It might be a long mile, but that doesn't mean you can't take any breaks.
I wouldn't feel bad about missing the veg meeting. You sound like you need some "you-time". Go ahead and take it.
(((((Zealia)))))
You and you're mother are in my thoughts.
Be kind to yourself. You are such a beautiful, kind, generous soul. Please don't doubt that. Everyone needs "self" time. Do that without feeling guilty. Then you can be with and help your mom even more so, because you'll be better place with your mind and spirit.
Oh, dear. I'm so sorry about the bad news, Zealia. Be there for each other and hang in there.
I'm sorry..I wish I had something to say to make it better, but I don't. All I can say is that please make the best of the time you have left with your Mom. Cherish every day you have, it will carry you thru the hard times.
(((((((((Zealia)))))))) :'(
I'm so sorry Zealia. You are definitely in my thoughts. Take care of yourself. You will serve you mother better if you are healthy (mentally and physically).
I'm so sorry :'(. You and your mom are in my thoughts. Always know you can turn to us.
oh, Zealia. Thanks for the update....I (and I'm sure lots of others) have been thinking about you and your mom, so it's good to know what's happening; plus, it sounds like you really do need a place to come and talk.
It is such a difficult situation, caring for another person and having so little time for yourself. Of course, you must tend to YOUR needs as well, because you can't really take care of others if you leave no time to take care of yourself. It's a matter of prioritizing, budgeting your time and energy...but in regards to that, I have no advice as to how to do it. This will take a lot of strength to get through, and I trust that you'll find it even when it feels like you've none left. Have your or your mom talked to the rest of your family yet? I really hope so...
Have the doctors given any sort of prognosis or chance for recovery after the procedure? I just hope it's worth it, you know...
but either way, I'm glad you can come to talk with us here. Let us know how it goes on Monday, and as always, you're in our thoughts, and we're here for ya.
:-*
we love you zealia.
SO sorry to hear Zealia,
I myself know how hard this is for you and your family to face head on....my own wounds from my Mom's passing from cancer earlier this year are still raw and in ways unhealed....though they are getting better.
The thing I don't get....is that I know you mentioned that the cancer has now spread all over her body.....if so....why would her oncologist want to go in and perform a mastectomy?! Now?!....at this stage....if it has spread?!! Not for nothing....but a second opinion or 3rd, 4th, etc.....is not out of line. With my own Mom....when her cancer spread....the discussions were more about what to do to make her comfortable or if she/we wanted to try more options...some that might make her almost more ill then the cancer itself. To me....anyone wanting to do this (operate) on someone that is terminal.... seems like they are more interested in billing an insurance co. for every cent they can get....or maybe I should just keep my own big mouth and "3 cents" out of it... When I read your second post...it just did not make any sense to me...
Again...sorry to hear about what you're having to deal with...
-dave
I am so sorry about your mom. You have been through so much. You are a kind and compassionate person. Your feelings are a natural emotional response. Don't forget to take care of yourself. You are in my thoughts.
My best thoughts go you you and your Mom, Zelia. Take care of yourself and do what you feel is best for your relationship with her in the short time she has left.
she came by again last night and I was in a much better mood so we went out for a bit and then she spent the night at my house. After she had time to think about it she decide it was reasonable for me for need a night alone. that made me feel much better. :)
DAVE I'm curious too about this whole thing with the mastectomy...I mean, she is having HUGE amounts of her chest removed. Not just the breast tissues, the stuff under the arms, the stuff down toward her tummy, and even surface muscles. One of the Dr's believe she will live through the surgery and make a recovery afterwards...all the other Dr's said not to bother with surgery because the prognosis is 2-6 mos either way.... :-[ It just seems like a really traumatizing thing to put aperson through if they are gonna die in a few months regardless. Working in nursing homes, I ve seen what mastectomies look like...they really butcher the women (and men?) Who have them...
What pisses me off the most is that they have been seeing very elevated white blood cells for 2 years now. They even did exploratory uterine surgery thinking she had cancer there but found nothing. My mom has been feeling these lumps in her breasts for TWO YEARS and the Dr's gave a mammogram or two and said that because the lumps didn't show on the mammogram they were probally just cysts....but now we come to find out that some tumors DONT SHOW UP ON MAMAOGRAMS! The Dr's kept ignoring the high white blood cells simply because they were tiered of looking to figure out what it was....if they had done a biopsy on one of the "cysts" a year and a half ago, we probally wouldn't be in this position now. :-[
My siblings and father all know now. Only my oldest brother has started talking to her again. My little bro and little sis are still not. She and my dad are not friendly so obviously they are not talking...
it just all sucks, but I appreciate your support guys!
Not all breast cancers will show up on a mammogram. Just last week I read an article on Inflammatory Breast Cancer...how rare it is & because there are (usually) no lumps associated with it, it doesn't have a good survival rate. I wish I could find that article....I'll keep looking.
I am keeping you in my thoughts Zealia. Stay strong sweetie.
EDIT-I found a video that every woman should watch.
http://wmv.fsci.com/KOMOTV/komo_ibc.wmv
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