I don't know what to think. Part of me doesn't believe it...someone has to be mistaken, right? They have been seeing wacky things for 2 years now, they even did exploratory pelvic surgery but they didn't find anything. Then last month- they did a biopsy on so masses they found in her breasts...I guess they say she has cancer all throughout her body.

She doest look sick...I cussed at her when she told me..."Stop yanking my f***ing chain! with this sh*t" (she kept going back and forth with what the doctors were saying...) to compound the issue...she and my dad have been separated for about two years now and of my three siblings and myself, I'm the only one who will talk with her. My siblings don't even like be to bring up her name in a conversation...She has instructed me not to discuss any of this with my father...so who can a I talk about it with...My therapist? 60 dollars and hour to spill to her and all I can do each week, when I'm there,  is talk about my whiny little self...haha...erm...

I feel sad. But I also feel like I'm in denial...but part of be doesn't feel like I'm in denial...just like its REALLY not happening...But mostly, I feel like a bad daughter...and I feel really angry too. I'm not sure why life tends to go the way it goes? You know? And about going to school...well, i just don't think I want to with her ---you know--- I'd never be able to forgive myself for that-ever....plus- even though she didn't do somethings right, I still love her so very much...I mean, shes my mommy...you know? Haha- all this time and I haven't cried about it- nope, not once...but right now I have tears spilling into my lap.

I know that we are not really guaranteed even one day here on earth...so getting all upset about this might be futile anyways. And then there is the whole thing with what happens when we die..and my mom is saying she just doesn't know what to think of God anymore and that makes me feels scared. I know a lot of you don't believe in God...but, my mom taught me to love God. Now she says she doesn't know what to believe...I know a lot of you are atheist- but my mom never was before. Sometimes my words that used to bring (her) comfort about God and what the Bible says- just don't anymore..I don't know what to say to her now... She kinda scoffs a little bit when i mention it... What can I say- I love you, I guess.. :'(

Im sorry this post turned out longer than I meant it to. She told be two weeks ago.. :'(