Visiting a friend with AIDS
So, a colleague of mine, Bill, has been HIV+ for 27 years, is in the ICU in critical condition. I found out yesterday and am still in such shock...Bill taught cooking classes for people with AIDS, he made me big containers of salad to take home with me when I volunteered and the center where he worked… He took other people with AIDS to the movies, organized the volunteers, cooked up a storm, was very involved in his parish...I just worked with him last month.
Sorry to babble, I am still in such shock. I don't know what to do or say or what when I visit- but I do have an easier question to ask: what should I bring?
Bill is an amazing cook, fairly serious, very hardworking and service oriented. No partner that anyone knows of. He has made me so many delicious vegan creations that I’d love to repay the favor if it’s something I can do at the hospital- my nursing friend thinks it will be fine, but we do need to check to see if there are any requirements. I am looking online for any do’s and don’ts for bringing food for PWA but I can’t find any.
Anyone work in a hospital? Do any of you have any ideas on what I can bring- food, flowers, books, etc?
I think you already have the most important quality for visiting your friend - an inner calm. I think you are someone who can feel both sad and happy for him and with him without blanketing him with your anxiety for his condition. Words will come when you're there because he's still the same person who became your friend.
What about calling the hospital to ask about food? As to what to make? Sometimes people lose their appetites. My grandma was like that. She liked strawberry shakes, so we'd bring her shakes that she would drink while we were there, but so much food in her stomach at once made her sick. So, if you were going to make something, I recommend something that will keep for a while so he can eat it when he's up to it.
You're pressence will be more important to him than any food you bring, so it will be an extra perk.
Do you have a recipe of his? You can make it and say something like "Remember when you taught me to make this? And I burnt it and cut my finger? haha, that was fun"
Yeah, I am trying to not get too up in my head about the fact that this might be the last time I see him.
Honestly, the only dietary concern I’m worried about is what won’t make him sicker. I couldn’t get ahold of anyone knowledgeable about restrictions, but I am thinking of easy to manage foods. I might make some apple muffins…I know he really likes fancy pound cakes and chocolate/mint cakes, so I thought I could also make some chocolate/mint cupcakes and leave them for visitors if he isn’t up to eating them.
Oh Ashley….you gave me a great idea. See, Bill never used recipes, that I saw anyway, so maybe I can weasel out of him how he made some of the stuff he made for the center. It would be nice to preserve those memories for the rest of the staff, and ME.
Thanks a lot guys, I’ll let you know what I bring.
Take a camera & have someone take a couple of shots of the two of you.
I'm so sorry about your friend. Hugs to you.