Marriage and dating..
Posted by teade on Oct 22, 2008 · Member since Apr 2008 · 625 posts
I was just curious, how many people are married or dating a Vegan/Vegetarian/Carnivore?
And what's it like?
I've never really been with a meat-eater, but I don't think it would effect much.
Love is love, I think.
I did finally tell my boyfriend that it was kinda gross to watch him eat meat and then he expects to kiss me.
....maybe that has to do with why he decided not to eat it in front of me?
8-)
My most recent ex-bf was a vegan so I have no gross stories to tell. I didn't have a bf for 4 years before that and I'd been an omni then.
I'm not sure I could date an omnivore/carnivore since going veg*n. I have a hard time just going to lunch with my Admin. and watching him woof down the charred carcass.
http://bestsmileys.com/puking/2.gif
I've been married 20 years to my high school sweetheart (we started dating in 1984!) Every time one of us decides to change our diet, both of us change together. But we are atypically co-dependent. :)
My hubby was my high school sweetheart also :)>>> 1980!
Tease, I don't think I would want to kiss anyone(veg or omni) directly after finishing a meal :o ...Please brush teeth or at least rinse with water or mouthwash.
I made the transition in between boyfriends...the first guy I dated after I stopped eating meat was an omni--a fast food-loving, unhealthy diet omni at that. He was a good guy, and we did have other things in common, but he and his friends were also the types that enjoyed poking fun at my "hippie ways."
He was open and understanding when I explained my reasons for being vegetarian, and he didn't mean any harm with his occasional jokes about my "hippie food" and whatnot....but I had a very difficult time kissing him even within like, an hour after he ate. :P We were only together for about 3 1/2 months, and while there were strong feelings between us, it really could not have lasted (for many reasons)
I met Shane about 3 years ago, and I have to say that veg*nism is not only an important aspect of both of our lives, but of our relationship as well. We actually met through Facebook! He started the "Northern Iowa Vegetarians" group on the UNI facebook network (back when fb was a college site only), and we had a few discussions there. We wound up IMing one another and making plans for a vegetarian feast...we met in person, and it was instant chemistry!
I've realized over the years just how important it is to me to have certain lifestyle/ethical choices in common in this kind of relationship. I won't reject friends based on their dietary choices, but I tend to get along with those who at least have an open mind and an understanding of the world around them...so we can at least be on the same page about some things.
Cooking is so important to me, and it's a big part of my relationship, so I can't imagine how Shane and I would have fared if he ate meat...I mean, it was difficult enough for me to have one omni roommate last year!
I'm sure it's possible that I could one day be IN love with an omni....but if that ever happens, it will probably be in the distant future, and my relationship "requirements" may be totally different. For now, though, I feel very lucky to be with a veteran veggie (Shane's been vegetarian for about 12 years!) who understands and shares this very important aspect of my life.
For everyone who can stand an omni- ... how does it work when you've just finished a meal and they want to kiss?
Do you just kiss them or does it gross you out to think of chunks or crumbs of meat in their teeth transferring to yours?
I don't know why that thoughts passed my mind... once I was next to a kid who in the early stages I was considering making a move on. He ate a fast food burger and I was completely turned off.. nothing ever happened with that.
Any opinions or gross stories?
I'd be grossed out by anyone trying to kiss me with chunks of anything still in their mouth! Don't think the diet choice matters to me on that one...I prefer clean, not just-finished-eating mouths to kiss ^-^
I don't know though... once I stayed the night with a friend and the next morning we had oatmeal and bananas, and the taste of it lingered in his mouth... it was really a beautiful moment. lol sorry if that was TMI.
I just feel as if its more important to live in the moment than to feel as if you have to tell the person to wait until you brush your teeth...
unless its garlic or something. lol
i met my (now) husband 11 years ago. i was vegetarian, and he was a butcher. weird. he is a teacher now, and went vegetarian almost 2 years ago. however, when we dated, and i cooked, he was basically a vegetarian except for when he ate out of the house, so the transitition wasn't super hard for him.
the hardest part has been since i went vegan. he can't seem to get his head around how to make things without dairy. it is a lot harder than the vegetarian/omni relationship we had.
For everyone who can stand an omni- ... how does it work when you've just finished a meal and they want to kiss?
Do you just kiss them or does it gross you out to think of chunks or crumbs of meat in their teeth transferring to yours?
I don't know why that thoughts passed my mind... once I was next to a kid who in the early stages I was considering making a move on. He ate a fast food burger and I was completely turned off.. nothing ever happened with that.
Any opinions or gross stories?
No tongue until after the teeth are brushed! I think about that when he dives in for a kiss after just wolfing a nasty bratwurst or pizza hut, and I just have to close my mouth or offer my cheek instead. Ickiness! :P
I went vegetarian and then vegan while I was dating my omni b/f. I remember when i first met him, he used to eat a looooottttt in general and a lot of meat too but ever since I went vegetarian he ate less meat and when I went vegan he ate even less. I do admit I was repulse and upset when he ate mean. I would have occasional outburst of retaliation of his meat eating habit. I couldn't see pass the animals in the mouth part. We went to some demos, veggie festivals and animal right movies and he decided to go vegetarian and he said eventually vegan. I'm a brain washing vegan. If i were single I don't think I can date anyone who is an omni. I'd be too upset. I want to born me some vegan babies ;D
I am a crazy person when it comes to kissing. I don't kiss him if he ate any non vegan food.
hmmmm im more partial to having a veg*n partner, although in the end I suppose love will over rcome that partial-ness nesss. who knowws ???
This topic has been discussed so many times. And each time I try to say the same thing.
Its about respect. It doesnt matter what a partner or potential partner eat but how they act around you. If they respect your choices by either eating what you eat or not eating what you find disgusting in front of you then the respect is present.
If someone tries to give you a big sloppy tongue kiss with a hunk of flesh in their mouth, they are disrespecting you. Maybe not consciously but bring it to their attention politely and ask they not do anything like that again. Easy, simple and end of the issue. If someone does not respect you enough to agree to not try to kiss you with meat breath or even just strong garlic breath then something in the relationship is askew already.
Sure its fun to add food to foreplay. Taking a bite of a lush dessert together or sharing a glass of wine and then kissing can be sexy. Doing something like that to a recovering alcoholic is disrespectful and anyone should abstain from that. Liken the meat to that scenario to your partner if need be.
And if they dont get it, you have an asshole on your hands. Dump them and find a non-asshole.
Sure its fun to add food to foreplay. Taking a bite of a lush dessert together or sharing a glass of wine and then kissing can be sexy. Doing something like that to a recovering alcoholic is disrespectful and anyone should abstain from that.
Your posts are pretty much the best.
Sure its fun to add food to foreplay. Taking a bite of a lush dessert together or sharing a glass of wine and then kissing can be sexy. Doing something like that to a recovering alcoholic is disrespectful and anyone should abstain from that.
Your posts are pretty much the best.
*blushes*
Thanks!
i met my (now) husband 11 years ago. i was vegetarian, and he was a butcher. weird. he is a teacher now, and went vegetarian almost 2 years ago. however, when we dated, and i cooked, he was basically a vegetarian except for when he ate out of the house, so the transitition wasn't super hard for him.
the hardest part has been since i went vegan. he can't seem to get his head around how to make things without dairy. it is a lot harder than the vegetarian/omni relationship we had.
I'm glad you brought this up. I've been with my omni boyfriend for over two years (I've been vegetarian since age 12), but when I went vegan about a month ago it became really hard for him. He's having a hard time adjusting because he feels like it's put a further separation between us. He really loves to cook and he's been great and flexible all along with learning new vegetarian dishes, trying new foods etc. He doesn't keep meat at home except for occasional smoked salmon or tuna, and is very respectful. I think the problem with my converting to veganism is that its revealing a deeper spiritual difference between us that is much larger than daily eating habits. We're having to confront the ways we see the world differently and evaluating our interests and priorities. I love him so much and I do think that a vegan/omni relationship can work, but its difficult to not be able to share something with him that is so spiritually important and fundamental to me.
Does anyone have any advice?
to reiterate what Cali said, it IS all about respect. Liken it to a couple who have opposing religious beliefs, one is Catholic, the other Jewish....(or in my case, Christian/Buddhist and Thelemite/Pagan). The Catholic has Lent, where they must give up things, so the Jew may want to respect the observance of their spouse by not "tempting" them. The Jew has other dietary restrictions and has Passover, where they give up leavened breads, etc.... Then you have the issue w/ kids.... Do they go to both Hebrew school and Sunday school? etc
In the end, it is all about clear communication/compromising/knowing when to agree to disagree(IE "I love you honey, but I believe that if you don't believe what I do, then you're going to burn in Hell"--NOT going to work!)/and respecting the other's values as well as the compromised agreement.
It is work, it is hard, it can be difficult, but what relationship that is worth it's salt isn't?
Hope this helps!
I had a discussion along these lines with my boy, who is omni and pretty...carnivorous. He asked me if I would raise my kids vegan. I said absolutely. I said, if my husband was vegan, definitely. If not, then I would only cook vegan for my kids (or anyone), and it would be up to my husband if he wanted to cook omni for them at all. He said, so what if your kids were asking for, say, eggs for breakfast? And your husband wasn't home? Wouldn't you cook them eggs? I said no! I don't care if my kids are asking for eggs or bacon or chocolate cake for breakfast! There are lots of good vegan things I can cook them that they will like, and they will eat what I give them. It's not like they'll be deprived. I'm not sure if he really got it, but veganism is pretty foreign to him, I think, so I didn't push it further. In truth, I do not know how I feel about my kids eating meat, period. But sometimes I guess you have to compromise.
Anywho this thread juts reminded me of that conversation. It can be tricky.
prior to becoming vegan i'd already been vegetarian for many years and yes, did occasionally have non-vegetarian girlfriends ...
... but more recently, although hoping to be as tolerant as possible (?), i've realized that for myself it'd be difficult, very awkward at best, to see anyone more than casually who wasn't at least vegetarian, if not outright vegan too.
~ fr
prior to becoming vegan i'd already been vegetarian for many years and yes, did occasionally have non-vegetarian girlfriends ...
... but more recently, although hoping to be as tolerant as possible (?), i've realized that for myself it'd be difficult, very awkward at best, to see anyone more than casually who wasn't at least vegetarian, if not outright vegan too.
~ fr
I always like your posts. ;)b
when i met my (now) husband, we were both omni's. although, i was never a huge meat, egg or cheese fan...i'd still eat them on occasion...
last summer i went vegan and he sat back and watched...still buying hamburgers to grill with "the guys" and still eating things like hotdogs and eggs...and at the time, my daughter was still drinking cow's milk so he drank that too.
as time has gone on and he has patiently listened to me go on and on (and on and on....) about animal cruelty and the health benefits of a vegan diet,and i think it has slowly started to sink in. he orders his food with tofu instead of meat when we go out to eat, and he guzzles soy, rice, and almond milk with my daughter now! when people question why he does it he starts saying all of the things that i have been telling him! it really warms my heart to hear him go on about the ethical and health reasons of going veg*. and he'll tell anyone who will listen about how good vegan food is. it is just so sweet! :)>>> it lets me know that he has been listening to what i've been saying...i kind of thought he was just nodding his head so i would shut up....
granted, he isn't completely there yet...he still eats the occasional meat and he doesn't read labels to make sure there isn't anything non-veg in it...unless it is for me...but he is leaps and bounds better than he was a year ago! and like cali was saying, he respects me enough to not bring meat or eggs or milk into the house...or eat that stuff in front of me...which says a lot. i think that he may very well convert one day, but it'll be because he wants to.
My husband is vegan, and although I am now too, I was ovo-lacto for a couple years of our relationship - so I was the one who had to be respectful of his beliefs and his boundaries with regard to food. I always ate vegan with him, and I never cooked something nonvegan in front of him - I was pretty concerned about it, thinking about my own bad experiences with meat-eaters. He would actually tell me not to worry about it so much - he said he was just so happy to finally be dating a vegetarian.
He never tried to make me be vegan, but although I often got defensive about it, he would just tell me, "here's why I'm vegan, but that's just me." I got it figured out finally, but the way he would talk to me about his veganism has inspired me to be a lot less confrontational with other people who ask me about it.
Anyway, I know I'm really lucky to have someone so much like me - we were the same (pretty small) religion since before we met, and had most of the same politics, etc - and I really admire those who don't have it so easy. I think having to do it at home all the time makes you much stronger in defending your values and your diet, to yourself and to others.
Pages