Marriage and dating..
Posted by teade on Oct 22, 2008 · Member since Apr 2008 · 625 posts
I was just curious, how many people are married or dating a Vegan/Vegetarian/Carnivore?
And what's it like?
I've never really been with a meat-eater, but I don't think it would effect much.
Love is love, I think.
I always like your posts. ;)b
(*hides latest copy of "Our State" & blushes*) heeeeeeey! now you find me a vegan recipe for lemon squares & sweet tea and i'll tell you crazy stories about Lenoir County!
go Pirates! wink, wink!
i met my (now) husband 11 years ago. i was vegetarian, and he was a butcher. weird. he is a teacher now, and went vegetarian almost 2 years ago. however, when we dated, and i cooked, he was basically a vegetarian except for when he ate out of the house, so the transitition wasn't super hard for him.
the hardest part has been since i went vegan. he can't seem to get his head around how to make things without dairy. it is a lot harder than the vegetarian/omni relationship we had.
I'm glad you brought this up. I've been with my omni boyfriend for over two years (I've been vegetarian since age 12), but when I went vegan about a month ago it became really hard for him. He's having a hard time adjusting because he feels like it's put a further separation between us. He really loves to cook and he's been great and flexible all along with learning new vegetarian dishes, trying new foods etc. He doesn't keep meat at home except for occasional smoked salmon or tuna, and is very respectful. I think the problem with my converting to veganism is that its revealing a deeper spiritual difference between us that is much larger than daily eating habits. We're having to confront the ways we see the world differently and evaluating our interests and priorities. I love him so much and I do think that a vegan/omni relationship can work, but its difficult to not be able to share something with him that is so spiritually important and fundamental to me.
Does anyone have any advice?
Talk about it. This sounds exactly like the scenario my partner and I went through, he "signed on" for a vegetarian girlfriend then nearly 2 years later I decided to go vegan and he found it really difficult to get his head around...I was so excited and enthusiastic and looking for support and he was sitting there freaking out thinking "but it makes things harder and how can I cook for her and how can we go out and she won't eat my baking and I can't remember all the new forbidden things and I don't know what to do!!!!" He was uncomfortable, and it showed - when I was vegetarian he accepted it and never made fun, once I cut out dairy he started hassling me about not eating meat (yea, makes no sense...it was basically him making his discomfort known because he didn't know what to do).
It took a while. We talked about it, we told each other how we were feeling about the change and realised that any kind of change affects both parties and takes a period of adjustment. Once the issues were out on the table and we both felt like we'd been heard and our opinions were valid, we were able to figure out little ways to be ok with it. He started keeping some soy milk for me in his flat's fridge so he could still offer me morning smoothies and not feel "useless", we cooked together and made new recipes, and we sorted it. He's now the one who runs off to read labels and tells me what he found out I can eat!
It can work. Just realise it's a change, and he probably doesn't feel like he has any control over his situation because it's something you've decided... be open, accept each other's point of view, it is entirely possible to adjust :) good luck!
I am talking to and spending time with my ex from ten years ago, while we have both matured we still have a strong connection. She and her two beautiful daughters tend to eat healthy, quite often veg due to finances. She has an understanding and actually commented that I am a non asshole vegan. So, I guess asshole-ism can accompany vegan-ism too...
When someone offers a paletteable alternative, its quite of can be accepted with kindness and understanding.
Thank you theodamus and others who have responded. This is all really helpful--especially just to know that others have figured it out and are making it work. It's just hard when you love someone so much and you want to share all the things you're most passionate about... We'll just need to keep talking about it (and also know when to STOP talking about it!) and if things continue and marriage and children come onto the horizon, we'll just have to cross that bridge then and both be willing to make compromises.
I was pretty unfair to Andy when I made the transition to vegan....I was like "if I'm doing it, so are you"....and he humored me...but would eat dairy and eggs behind my back...and when I'd catch him, I'd get so mad....but it was my fault...I didn't let him make that decision for himself and it seems so obvious and stupid now that I look back on it...I'm actually quite ashamed, but it worked out in the end...Andy grew into veganism and is now a die-hard vegan, sometimes tisking me for something....its cute and annoying all at the same time.
I had a date Friday. She's interesting, cute and artistic. She was veg*an a few years back but started to eat meat again.I think I am okay with that, she has an understanding of my choices. We had a really good evening, I felt comfortable with her and hope we can hang out again soon. I am the worst at reading into things. We had a nice long hug goodbye and she told me to call her. I was hoping she had some time Sunday to meet but I have not heard back so far. I hate the my mind switches to negative regarding this, as in she's not going to call me back...
Kannas,
I know how hard it is not to obsess, especially when someone new & exciting has appeared in your life.
I guess ... just take a deep breath? It's spring, so something sweet is bound to happen soon.
Love,
Claire
Claire,
Thank you for the positive thoughts!
Eric
When my wife (of almost 10 years,now) and I met back in high school, we were both Omnis, and she had never even heard much positive about vegetarians or vegans. My mom is a vegetarian, but my dad is a pretty carnivorous omni, and it has worked out well for them for over thirty years.
Anyways, a couple years ago, my wife decided to go vegetarian. That was fine with me, I cooked my own meat to add to dishes, made sure not to use her "Veggie pans" for my meat stuff, etc, but I slowly found myself eating less and less meat, until I realized I just didn't need it anymore and went vegetarian myself. Now within the last year she has been trying to go Vegan, due in part to allergies. I've never been a fan of eggs, myself, and avoid honey due to diabetes, but am still having trouble giving up my cheese. Still, we get along fine.
My boyfriend is a carnivore... we have been together for 3 years and plan to get married... I want to raise vegan children... how the hell am I supposed to tell them eating meat is bad when their dad is sitting across the table stuffing carcass in his face? Me and my boyfriend argue about this a lot... he will let me raise the kids vegan but he refuses to stop eating meat... i dunno this is almost at the same level as religion to me and I really want him to change... i show him all the videos, read him quotes, cook him good vegan food but he refuses to be persuaded... any advice?
My boyfriend is a carnivore... we have been together for 3 years and plan to get married... I want to raise vegan children... how the hell am I supposed to tell them eating meat is bad when their dad is sitting across the table stuffing carcass in his face? Me and my boyfriend argue about this a lot... he will let me raise the kids vegan but he refuses to stop eating meat... i dunno this is almost at the same level as religion to me and I really want him to change... i show him all the videos, read him quotes, cook him good vegan food but he refuses to be persuaded... any advice?
you can't change someone, they can only change themselves.
just love him for who he is... and if you don't, dump him?
I share hesp's sentiments, but when it comes to explaining to the kids why they're vegan and Dad isn't instead of saying 'meat is bad', explain to them the health benefits, some of the inhumane stuffs, and if they want, allow them to try Dad's food.
Yeah, if it's a problem to you, you might end up disappointed. If he's gonna change, it will happen on his own time. But he might never.
Also, regarding the kids, it could just be, they eat vegan food when you cook, and whatever dad makes when he cooks. By the time they're old enough to get it, they'll be able to reason through it and choose on their own. As long as you are a positive role model to them as a happy vegan, that's the best you can do! You would be doing them a great service either way. Especially if he's agreeing to raise them vegan! That's huge!
(Assuming that you won't resent the boy after some time...........that'd be awful...........)
My boy is omni, and he probably won't ever be vegetarian, but I mean, it's not as if I'm doing some harm or compromising anything by being with him. We both eat foods we like. We cooked the bacon spaghetti from Cali's blog together (it's a spaghetti carbonara type thing---you all MUST eat it) and we had a lot of fun and he loved it. There's always a solution.
ya he's pretty open to eating whatever i eat...for the most part... its just weird that some people just plain refuse to give meat up... they can't even think of life without it... all ur ideas r great... i will just lead by example and hopefully my kids will make the right choices... we already agreed that i will only be cooking vegan foods and he will have to buy/ cook meat if he wants it... we just have so much else in common and he's my best friend so i wish we could have veganism in common too :(
We don't tell our daughter that eating meat is "bad", because her grandparents, with whom she is very close, eat meat. I tell her that everyone gets to choose what they eat, and that we choose to not eat things from animals. We tell her that when she is a grown-up, she can also choose what she eats. A couple of times, she has wanted to try my parents food(thanksgiving turkey), so I let her. It didn't seem to be a big deal to her and she just had a bite and then moved on. If there is going to be non-vegan food, my mom always makes a vegan version, so maybe that is a solution.
I could use some advice. A girl I meet a few months ago through another friend is staying at my place for the next three or so months. Traveling to the states. We got along the last time she was visiting, perhaps even 'like' each other.
I received an email about sleeping arrangements yesterday.
I know from speaking to her that she can be strange with relationships, not opening defining them.
How should I approach this? I am unsure wether she has any interest beyond friends. I might, but can be respectful with being friends.
I'd say set up a separate room for her, treat her as a friend; if she starts to send any 'more than friends' ques to you, ask her about it.
What might these more than friend ques be?
u can tell if she's really flirty, and she physically touches u often, if she let's u into to her personal space... just a few i can think of
*taking notes*
thank you :)
Pages