One of those woe is me moments...
So yesterday at dinner with some friends and family while I ate my grilled eggplant and everyone else dined on pork chops I suddenly became sad. It didn't help that all the dishes I had made to comtribute to the meal sparked conversation that had the whole table picking on me. I've yet to master a decent level of diplomacy but I tried. I want so much to be able to defend my position without ugly banter. The midwest has not been a hugely supportive place to be veggie for me yet. And though I fantasize about places where there are others like me to embrace and support me on my journey I would first like to find that here at home. Anyone else deal with this regularly or does anyone have suggestions for me to help relieve my "oh, woe is me"? Penpals welcome. :)
Have you been vegetarian long? I have found that the longer I have been veg and/or the longer people know me as a vegetarian the less grief they give me. Almost everyone I spend my time with now (except for my family, which live 2+ hours away) has only ever known me as a veg. Sometimes they say stuff, usually it is to "get my goat" and to rile me up. Other times it is because my MIL is concerned for her son and she thinks from time to time that I am not feeding him enough (as if a grown man couldn't feed himself if he were hungry!) Or now that my dad has diabetes and has to watch what he eats more carefully than before he speaks up more especially if I have a cold, he blames it on me not eating meat. Well, he was doing that for quite a while and now he hasn't mentioned anything like it for a long time. Of course I haven't felt ill either.
I have found several books on the topic of vegetarian/vegan lifestyles/diets to be of great help. One I particularly like is: 'The Vegetarian's Survival Handbook: Living Among Meat Eaters' by Carol J. Adams. Also websites like this one can be of great help. The more you learn about it, and the more comfortable you are with it the less people will really bother you about it, at least that has been my experience (going on 6 years). That is unless they are really interested in learning more- they might be a pain because they have no manners or because they are coming to terms with what it means and considering that maybe they would like to change or to learn some new recipes.
I try hard not to preach just to live the way I want and discuss it if people really want to know about it. I have found that since meeting my husband's family over 4 years ago they are often eating more veg foods. One niece has gone veg and one sister in law who has been veg in the past but I think because she was the only one and she may not have wanted to "inconvenience" anyone she just sort of stayed on the sidelines and ate her tofu at home. Now she seems to be more open about it. My family are more hardcore meaters (meat-eaters) but they seem to have made some small changes towards eating more veggies which might be because both my father and stepmother have diabetes now. Who knows? A calm and confident approach may have shown them that yes, the food is good, even Delicious! and yes I feel good-healthy all around.
Come here anytime you want for more support! We all know what that's like!
Delia
ecodel22
Sorry to hear that you are feeling so down. I know that when I initially became a vegetarian (17 yrs ago when I was 14) I didn't get a lot of support from my family at first. My mom was skeptical at the idea and wasn't thrilled at the thought of "funky" dinners that didn't meet my nutritional needs. It took a few years but gradually they all supported me. Then a few years ago I went vegan and all the previous nutritional worries came back. My mom and my twin have gotten used to my lifestyle again but I still have to bring my own food to family gatherings and holiday dinners.
When I get "teased" about about being a vegan I always find people (even family)shut up pretty fast when PETA information and pictures are offered for viewing. Of course this is usually during dinner and they don't want to ruin their appetite any more than I want mine ruined with constant conversation about meat consumption. Whenever it happens I'm really laughing inside because I'd never really push my views (or PETA's pictures) on them! ;)
Basically, what it boils down to, is just hang on. Your family will come around to support you. My twin and I eat together several times a week and she eats vegan when she's with me and actually eats more tofu than I do! You could also try looking to see if there are any vegetarian groups near where you live. If there's a health food store around you try asking them if they know of any groups or clubs. Same thing if you're in school, ask around to see if there are any other vegetarians you could get to know who might make better "friends" than the people who are not supporting you now. Good luck and keep active on here. It's a great place to find support and friends.
I'm sorry to hear that. That happened to me only once. Ironically it was from the host who made me a special vegetarian dish. I'm legendary among my friends and they are used to me being vegetarian. But for some reason the host decided it was time to defense meateating.
It was embarrasing to say the least. My stance is that I don't get defensive when other people are defending meat eating. I just looked at him, let the conversation die and the subject changed.
Sooner or later your friends and family will tire of the subject and accept your unique spot at their table.
If they don't you can start to get assertive and say things like "this is a closed topic. I'm not talking about and I'm leaving if you don't stop." Or "it really hurts me to see your lack of acceptance of my dietary choices, what's up with that?".
I know you're primarily just venting here and I feel your pain. Been there and done that.
I don't know what it is about the midwest loving meat so much...that and not being able to understand why some people don't want to eat it...
I find that people insecure in their own choices often belittle others to make themselves feel better. Many people do not realize that you choices are not attacking theirs, its simply your choice. Be bigger than them and ignore it and do not respond.
Though I love Tweety's remarks too!
I just tell them I choose not to eat "dead flesh". Faces tend to turn green. LOL ;D
Ahhh yes, kayyak, excellent comeback. I remember waaay back when I was in 12th grade helping out at a daycare centre. There were 2 little girls, about 5 and 6, who would never eat the "kid food" offered for lunch (hotdogs, burgers etc.). They would pick at the salads etc. but never touch the main dish. One of the monitors tried the "you'd better eat up now, there won't be any snacks until late this afternoon" tactic, thinking the kids were just picky. The eldest drew herself up to her full, small height and said, "In our house we do not eat *dead animals*." Ohhh the disdain in her little face, and voice! That was 30 some years ago and I can still remember it. Even at that age, she had her ideas clear and knew they didn't need a lot of explaining. As Disraeli said, "Never complain, never explain"...being from the Midwest myself, I learned early that explaining to a certain type of person, if they disagree with you, is just handing them more ammunition to shoot you down. It takes two to argue. (Maybe practice your "disdainful silence face" in the mirror?) LOL I *do* feel with you, hon...hang onto your sense of humour and it'll give you a sense of proportion when dealing with the sort of person who can only be tall by cutting others down to size. Cali's right, you just make these people insecure...maybe they're not so sure they're "right" after all. Otherwise what are they defending? Hang tight and remember you're not alone.
if i want to be really high and mighty i tell them that i have no reason to eat meat and i feel guilty killing an animal just for the sake of being socially accepted. usually i wont thought because i dont like people to think im being critical of them. i havent got a problem with other people eating meat. for me its a health and moral lifestyle choice. while the "dont like eating dead animals" part comes into it a lot, i like to focus on the health side of things when talking to other people. for example on my mums side of the family there is history of bowel cancer and bowel perforation on my dads side(very nasty and life threatening stuff). both of these are very much exacerbated by meat consumption. i simply point out to them that i plan to live past 50.
i dont know if this is relevant to you or not, but like people have said, it gets easier and easier. after 10 years of being a vegetarian i hardly notice it anymore.
I consider myself pretty lucky. Where I live, almost everyone knows what a vegetarian or vegan is, and they just kinda shrug it off. I certainly don't preach to others my choice, but if they ask me why I don't eat meat, I simply tell them that at one time I did and I find that I'm a lot healthier eliminating it from my diet. If they really push it, I just explain that at least I've tried being both a meat eater and none, and before they knock it, perhaps they should try it. After all, I can make a valid choice because I've tried both; they haven't. It's like that old saying "Don't knock it 'til you've tried it". I find that when vegetarians start saying they don't eat meat because of animal rights, meat-eaters jump on them and start picturing protests from PETA, and Pam Anderson running around naked (although for some men, they may not think of that as being a bad thing.. lol). Anywho, when you explain how you feel physically after eliminating meat, they may become more receptive. Perhaps you could just say you feel like your body cannot digest meat well, and so instead of living with constant pain and discomfort, you decided to eliminate meat from your diet altogether. Tell them you feel it's an allergy for you. All in all, whatever you do, try not to get defensive or else they might try to irk you even more. People unfortunately have a tendency to do that to others. If you act cool and natural, and think nothing of what they're saying, they'll eventually drop it.
I have my simple way of shutting people up: I cook for them.
Sounds simple, but even my old, stubborn, meat-and-grease-loving grandfather wants me to cook vegan for him all the time now. and he was veeeery suspicious when I first started out as a vegan.
Through cooking I've convinced most of my conservative meaty family that vegan food rocks.
Perhaps you sholud give it a try? otherwise I totally agree with what every one alse has already said.
and remember: vegetarians/vegans/raw-ists/similar are the normal ones. everyone else are just making very odd and unhealthy choices. they're the the ones who ought to explain themselves, not us.