Music: Evan Greer or any riot-folk.
Flake ice off of now de-mush-ified tofu, thaw, pour off water.
Slice into 1/2" thick slices or carve into hearts and stars
Throw everything together into bowl or Tupperware container to marinate for as long as you want, I recommend 2 days, but 10 minutes works if you're hungry. But then again, you can eat tofu raw too.
Make sure all sides are covered, I recommend squishing and unsquishing the tofu like a sponge to soak up the flavor, but this might just be a superstition.
Heat up regular ol' veggie oil until a drip of water makes noise, but doesn't go mo-crazy.
Throw in tofu slabs, flip often, and try not to get the skin tough until it all seems to be happening at once. You are now done cooking.
This seems to go well with left over “duck” sauce from Chinese food (the orange stuff, not actually from ducks, though I'm sure they'd like it too).