On being Buddhist
I've been a closet Buddhist since I turned vegetarian 8 years ago. I was raised in a Catholic family. My kids go to Catholic school and my wife works there. Most of the friends and family that I socialize with are Christian. I have been an outspoken pacifist all my adult life and have practiced the fundamental philosophies of Buddhism. I have been reluctant to label myself for fear or criticism or prejudice by people who don't know anything about Buddhism. I have been ridiculed for denouncing boxing as barbaric; carrying bugs and spiders outside; never spanking my kids, etc. I have recently suffered through unbelievable false allegations of misconduct at work that directly attack my personal beliefs and accuse me of violating the very philosophies that comprise the guiding principals by which I live my life. Being honest, kind, generous, peaceful and unselfish has seemingly worked against me. I am left struggling with my own compassion and questioning my karma.
I have recently achieved compliance with the fifth precept and am now candidly revealing my beliefs. At the same time I became vegan. I am just going to be myself. I have just revealed my beliefs to my wife and kids, and my mother. Today I change the noted religion in my profile from agnostic to Buddhist.
Why do I post this? I'm not sure. The need for catharsis? Affirmation and support? I feel the very nature of this forum might attract other Buddhists and I don't really have anyone I know who shares in my beliefs or can empathize with my struggles.
I don't share your struggles, but you were essentially hiding a part of who you are. I think it is only natural to want to shed the "lie". Good for you! :)
I completely understand...
I know it took a great deal of courage to come out of the closet, so to speak. Congratulations for deciding to be true to yourself.
I totally understand where you are coming from. I was raised Catholic as well and still go to mass as often as I can, but inside I feel more Buddhist than Catholic. But not enough to take the plunge and change the label I put on myself, I guess. I am afraid of what people will think, especially since I'm already the black sheep in my family.
So congrats, I know how much courage this must have taken. ;)b Maybe I can use your example to expose more of my beliefs to my friends and family.
You've got my total support and wow, do we have so much in common! :-D Like you I was raised Catholic and I've even had my older daughter baptised, though timing hasn't made it happen for the 2nd one. We don't go to church, but my DH doesn't believe in any religion. He prefer Buddhism to everything else, so it's common ground. My family & friends just tend to think I'm slightly obsessed with HHDL, because I have his photo everywhere and quite a few Buddhas. My older daughter loves HHDL and it's really cute the way she gets excited if she sees him. Her other favorite is President Obama, so she was tickled pink with they finally met each other.
We were fortunate enough to hear HHDL last year in Amsterdam and it was the most moving experience of my life. The next day, he opened a Free Tibet concert and talked for nearly an hour. I went with a couple friends to the concert, including one friend who knows I'm Buddhist, and I even was able to film a bit of him talking. Magical.
I dont mean to sound rude but why does one have to be one or the other and compartmentalize something already so complicated? Simply be, love your family, yourself making the best of your life.
The greatest achievement is selflessness.
The greatest worth is self-mastery.
The greatest quality is seeking to serve others.
The greatest precept is continual awareness.
The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.
The greatest action is not conforming with the worlds ways.
The greatest magic is transmuting the passions.
The greatest generosity is non-attachment.
The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind.
The greatest patience is humility.
The greatest effort is not concerned with results.
The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.
The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.
I think I can understand your struggles, on a level. I live in a very conservative, Christian area that is very unaccepting of anything outside of: white, male-oriented households, low education levels, carnivorous tendencies, and protestant. I don't fit into their mold. However, I choose to keep the atheism quiet, because people would be in an uproar and become quite upset over this. My brother honestly thinks I am going to go to hell and burn in a literal pit of fire (has he taken a fucking geology class to learn the structure of the earth? NO!) for all of eternity. He will not speak to me on account of my beliefs (and it's funny, because he is the one that made me take notice of how much I disliked the Christian church in the beginning of my discoveries). I keep quiet around my family and my boyfriend's family, because this would upset them, and my mom made me lie to her conservative friend when we visited her a couple of years ago. I wouldn't go to church with her, and my mom made me say I was sick and stay in bed! For some reason I have to sit and listen to all of their Christian crap, but I can't breathe a word of how I truly feel. This seems totally unbalanced.
I have no qualms about my beliefs, and I don't have any internal struggles or anything like that. I just keep it under wraps for the sake of everyone around me and keeping the peace. I'm very happy for you that you've chosen to make your beliefs known, and if others are uncomfortable, then they can learn to deal with their problems themselves, not reflecting it back onto you. Congratulations, and I am quite in awe of your confidence.
I don't mean to sound rude but why does one have to be one or the other and compartmentalize something already so complicated? Simply be, love your family, yourself making the best of your life.
That is exactly what I am doing. Buddhism is not even a religion by some definitions, It is a philosophy. In fact it is really atheistic. Even in the absence of any "label", my personal beliefs and philosophies would remain the same. Buddhism accepts all other religions as valid but not the other way around in most cases.
I think most of us can understand, at least in a way. I was raised in a pretty strict meat loving family, no one in my family is vegetarian, much less vegan...oh the horror!!!! So when I said that I am vegetarian (most don't know about my switch to veganism yet), I got a lot of criticism. You can't imagine what I am going through even now that I told BD and my mother that I decided to raise my son vegan...oh the horror!! But where is he going to get his protein?
But as far as religion goes, I can understand. I don't really have a stand with any religion at all, and this drives my mother batty. She wants me to be christian, and take my son to church and all that. Blah blah blah. I got him babtized but it wasn't because I believed it would "save his soul" but because I knew it would make my family happy. I didn't care either which way. To me it is just a pointless ceremony, but it didn't cause any harm and it made my family happy, so why not?
Be who you are.
If for the sake of a family bond, I would consider a decorative cross and a pretty bible to display.
When questioned about my faith, I would reply that its in gods hands and I feel its more effective to have a relationship with him in the home sanctuary.
I can understand a value and or belief conflict between family and small communities.
Its unfortunate.
I wore a silver cross around my neck while working the bar at a school fundraiser on Friday. . . but I bought a Nepalese Buddha statue the next day and it now sits on a shelf between the kitchen and living room. :)
Be who you are.
Well said yabbitgirl... and succinct, even better.
When Thich Nhat Hahn comes to California to visit his Escondido monastery, he'll give a talk in Pasadena. It's worth the drive.
Deer Park Monastery