crazy busy week...
nervous as heck
my new job starts tomorrow. tuesday morning i went to a 1 hour meet and greet but not everyone was there and i was so nervous (despite medication) that i felt nauseous all day. i keep telling myself i have nothing to be nervous about, because i really don't. my boyfriend's brother-in-law will be there so atleast i have someone i know. but then again, he doesn't know about my agoraphobia and if i freak out, there's nothing he can do to calm me down.
Dean and i found out today that we're (FINALLY) closing on our house friday. so i've been packing all day and the dust has given me a migraine.
i'm so afraid that i'm not ready for this job, that i'm not smart enough. it's something i have to do, and i'm glad that i pushed myself to get this far... and everyone keeps telling me they're proud of me...
i had to email my doctor this weekend because i had my monthly and it was so painful that i had to stop doing the dishes so i could sit on the floor and try to breathe through the pain, and gladly dean was out for a walk because i know i was yelling pretty loudly. i got scared that i had a blood clot in my leg because that's where it hurt the worst.
he emailed me back and thinks i have endometriosis because i've tried 3 different birth controls and it's always been this painful. i can't go see a gyno for atleast 7 weeks because of my hours at work... and now dean and i are worried we won't be able to have children some day.. it was nice though, when i told him he got sad but he hugged me and told me we'd get through it together, and when i said "it means a lot to hear you say that" he said "well hey, it's uterUS not uterYOU" lol...
i know not a lot of people reply to my posts but i just needed to write this somewhere, cuz i don't have any friends IRL, so i just kinda needed some of you guys right now :( thanks
((((((Sariea))))))
I know its a very difficult time right now, but try to focus on the positive...you finally get to move into your new house with the guy you love and you have a great new job. Big changes are always stressful even if its a really great change. Things will get smoother...
As for the pain, you need to get into the doctor asap. New job or not, you need to see someone. Some gynos in my area have long hours, evenings and sometimes Saturday appts.
Breathe in, breathe out, just keep breathing. You sound panicked, but you'll be fine, I promise. Starting a new job is always nerve-wracking (I feel ya, sister - I know what that's like). Deal with whatever you have control over, and the rest? Just hug your awesome boyfriend!
I know it'll all turn out alright. Let us know how things go.
And post anytime. No worries!
Change is always stressful and we often tend to doubt our abilities. I'm sure that your first day of work will go well. It won't be long until you're looking back and won't be able to believe that you were so worried about things!! (And I'm not just blowing smoke here - when I started teaching adult education I was petrified of being in front of crowds - like literally in tears petrified. But I made it, and 4 years later it's no big deal.)
Packing is a lot to deal with, and it stresses me out too. Usually I just throw everything in boxes and worry about the stress part when I'm unpacking. ;D
I second what VS said about getting to the doctor asap. Most places have evening hours, even if you have to see a different doctor.
Take a few minutes each day to relax, whether it's with a tall mug o'tea or a hot bath.
And good luck tomorrow!!
What I get from this is that it's a heck of a week, but Dean is a real keeper! :)>>>
Hang in there, Sariea! It will get better!
thanks everybody.. i'm trying to breathe right now cuz i have to leave in 45 min for my first day. exciting but terrifying at the same time!!! hehe
i keep telling myself it's like the first 2 days of school--i'm not gonna learn much, just take care of all the paperwork, and it should be somewhat fun. but then i think "i'll have to introduce myself in front of all those people! ahhhhh!!!!!" lol...
have to finish packing tonight and will probably end up just throwing things in boxes randomly like you said, pixie... and take advantage of the whirlpool tub in the new house tomorrow night ;)
I always get nervous when starting a new job. With my current job, I felt beyond inadequate and had no idea why they hired me. Then I worked there for a couple of weeks and rocked it. I think that nerves with a new job is normal. Let us know how your first day went.
I hope your new job goes well. There's no reason why it shouldn't. You are smart and capable of anything you set your mind to. ;)b As for the female troubles, it's good Dean is supportive. You can have children. You may have to adopt them but that's a wonderful thing. A child who was unwanted gets a home and loving veg*n parents. 8-) There's a lot doctor's can do for infertility now days anyway so bio-kids are not impossible with endometriosis. Just don't wait until you get too old!
I am 38 and we just started trying to conceive this year. Yes, it would have been nicer to start earlier, because we wouldn't have the anxieties that surround conception for "advanced maternal age." (Advanced, my foot! You kids get off my lawn!) We did miscarry in January, which was depressing not just in itself, but because it required taking 2 more months off afterwards... at a time when I feel that every month is precious and matters. If you have the choice, yes, do not wait until your clock is really screaming.
BTW, I am seeing lots of conception and pregnancy luck for people with endometriosis over at the OvuSoft message boards. I do not recommend going over there just to browse... most of the people participating on those forums are there because they have difficulty with conception or because they have miscarried, so it can be a bittersweet climate. Great folks though.
Does Dean have a brother???? He sounds so sweet, how I wish I had someone in my life like him. I have given up on men, for me they all seem to be self centered jerks. It seems that men like your Dean are 1 in a million, a real keeper. At times I wish, oh how I wish, I had strong arms to wrap around and tell me that every thing is going to be okay, a shoulder I can cry on. I get so scared about having a baby and being a single mother, especially when I am laying alone at night in bed, in the dark, oftentimes I just cry myself to sleep....
But as far as this job, you will do fine. I thought the exact same thing before I started college many years ago. Oh, I am not smart enought to be an engineer. I am not smart enough for calculus and physics, and everything else. But then 5 years later I am walking across the stage being handed my diploma, to this day, that was the best day of my life, and sometimes I still can't believe it, but the diploma is hanging up on my wall as proof that yes, I CAN do it.
And this job, I thought the samething. I will be a disappointment to them, I can't be an engineer, I am not smart enough. But now it is almost a year and a half later and I am still working here. If they didn't think I could do it I would have been fired long ago so I guess I am doing something right.
Just do the best you can, give it your all, you are going to be great, i just know it. You have the right attitude, and they wouldn't have hired you if they didn't think you could do it. ;)b
first day went good. i made a friend so that makes it a lot easier and less stressful. i am not a fan of the 1 hour lunch though. there's nothing to do lol
lots of boring paperwork and sitting around, lots of boring videos to watch. i don't know if i can get used to that. i'm used to being on my feet all day, moving around, getting exercise. i feel like a bum
Dean really can be a fantastic guy. i mean, he has his bad moments like everyone else, but he's a good guy. we did the final walk-through for the house tonight. start moving tomorrow as soon as i get out of work... so after tomorrow afternoon i might not be able to get back on here until wednesday when we get our internet hooked up.
i have to go finish packing :D
(((hugs))) I'm so glad your first day went well! Yay! It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, but just take it a day at a time and know that you are more than capable to handle whatever comes your way :) Congrats on your new home too...how exciting!