Feeling Down
I've been super stressed out for the last 3 years it seems. The last year I've had to go on antidepressants and I hate the way things are going. Life is good, i work from home, I'm taking accounting online, I have a wonderful husband and two awesome pets. But I can't stop worrying about my family.
They live 6 hours away from me, and they always seem to have something wrong lately. Mom broke her arm a few months back, and is afraid she won't have use of her fingers anymore. She also has Crohn's and Colitis and my have to go for surgery soon.
My brother has been for surgery 3 times already for his crohn's and now the doctors think he has cancer. He just went for a test and we'll find more out in a week. He's 30 years old! It's not fair that he has to go through this. I'm worried sick about him and I can't sleep at night.
My husband isn't much help in the emotional department, he never knows what to say and just changes the subject when I try to talk about it.
This is killing me.
Life is good, i work from home, I'm taking accounting online, I have a wonderful husband and two awesome pets.
Even people with great lives can get depressed.
My husband isn't much help in the emotional department, he never knows what to say and just changes the subject when I try to talk about it.
Maybe you can check out some counseling options? Maybe your husband could even come with you to learn how to help you relieve some of your stress. It sounds like you guys aren't really having problems, but learning how to deal with this stuff together might strengthen your relationship AND help you deal with your family's health problems.
FWIW, I've been through depression and a pretty nasty anxiety disorder in the past few years, both largely based on an adjustment disorder, so I feel your pain. I hope you can find someone to talk to about this. (((Hugs)))
Some things we can't control, we can only leave up to the universe (or to God if you're so inclined). My father was recently sent to the ER with lower GI bleed. My 4 week old great neice just went through open heart surgery. They don't deserve this and life isn't fair.
Hugs to you! Hang in there. No need for you to fall apart...what would your brother say about that?
Ive dealt with depression, runs in my family and my sis is BP manic. Quitting drinking was a significant step in the right direction. But recently I have been a little grumpy and down. I was reading today that amino acids play are significant roles in easing depression, the article was promoting flax oil...From some quick googling, 'omega 3 fatty acids may chemically influence depression'.
On the non medical side, you can vent here... everyone is really helpful and supportive!
Tell your husband "just hold me an tell me its going to get better".
ugh, sorry to hear it.
I know that there are quite a few of us on the boards (myself included) who've dealt with various forms of mental illness, medication, treatment, etc...I'm glad you feel comfortable with sharing your story here, and you will no doubt find lots of good advice and support from the rest of us. it sounds cheesy, but coming out and talking about your problems really is the first step in the right direction.
I need to keep this short because I'm in dire need of sleep (hey, it helps keep the emotions in check, too), but I will probably shoot you a message or something tomorrow, and that way you can message me back if you ever feel like venting outside of the boards.
on a final note, I second kannas (Eric)'s recommendation: tell your hubby that he can't possibly say or do anything to completely solve your problems, and you don't expect him to...."just hold me and be here for me" is often the best they can do, and I'm sure he'll be happy to oblige.
I used to be on the Olympic Worrying Team. Seriously, I worried for Europe.
You have to realise that worrying perpetually about what might happen, or is happening, or has happened--doesn't actually influence events. All it does is tire you out. So when whatever happens, or gets worse, you're too exhausted to deal with it. Or it doesn't happen, or it gets better, and you've used up all that energy.
Now, I know you know this consciously. And I know your unconscious is what's giving you hell. But you have to be aware when "the wheel" starts to spin, and consciously stop it. Tell yourself, out loud, "I am not changing the situation by devouring myself." Do what you can do, and leave what you can to God, the Universe or whoever can influence the outcome. Pray, if you've got 'em. And if you haven't (which makes things harder, because if one can put things in God's inbox and leave them there, it helps even if it's only to make you feel you've done something), simply promise yourself you will take the first real action you can to help the situation.
When you don't know what to do, do what you know.
CW is right: often our hubbies think that when we come to them with a problem we expect a solution--because many men are better at solutions than at "there, there, it's gonna work out." They may feel helpless if they can't "fix" it. Make sure he knows that all you want is someone to hold your hand. Tell him that in so many words--because many people aren't good at subtext.
I have you in my pocket.
wow you all made me cry this morning, thanks so much for listening, and the kind words. My parents are visiting right now, which is really nice, my mom is my rock.
When I get some free time, I'll be on here again.
Thanks so much everyone!
and I WUV the kitty! hehe
Things are just getting worse and worse.
My mom just found out that she has to go for surgery for her crohn's, the dr's say it's really bad, but aren't all that urgent with getting her in. She's been talking to me about her will and it's really upsetting me.
Our neighbour across the street from my parents passed away this morning. She was in her 30's and also had IBD. She had surgery yesterday and died from a blood clot this morning.
i'm keeping up with the antidepressants, but i feel kinda numb lately. I can't cry anymore. It's like I'm on overload.
Please, Kristy, GO TO A COUNSELOR!!! Talk to your doc about the meds, you may need to change them.....trust me, when I say the first one, or even the fifth try may not work in the med department, everyone is different, and the docs are just making guesses about which med will work. The only way they can work is if you tell your dr about it. Where do you live? I recommend you google and then go to a "Mental Health Crisis Center" near you for immediate psychiatric (read meds) care and counseling, because it sounds like you may be pushing the envelope of what you can handle alone, and they can better help you when you're NOT in crisis, but nearing it. That is what they are there for.
Know that you are loved, and you are worthy of being loved. I know you are a strong person. It is OKAY to cry right now. It is okay to even be a little (okay, a LOT) depressed, it is NORMAL to feel this way under the circumstances you have. But the numbness and hopelessness are what worry me. Please do go get help.
If you need someone to talk to, I can send you my private email. Sometimes just talking to a stranger is best in these cases.
~H
I agree with hanashi on all counts. You should still feel comfortable turning to us when you need, and I certainly encourage you to do so if it helps you at all.....but I think you really need to talk to your doc about your med situation. Having a crisis center/hotline to turn to is also very important right now.
I'm so sorry you're going through all of this....but you shouldn't have to go through it all alone.
Please, Kristy, GO TO A COUNSELOR!!! Talk to your doc about the meds, you may need to change them.....trust me, when I say the first one, or even the fifth try may not work in the med department, everyone is different, and the docs are just making guesses about which med will work. The only way they can work is if you tell your dr about it. Where do you live? I recommend you google and then go to a "Mental Health Crisis Center" near you for immediate psychiatric (read meds) care and counseling, because it sounds like you may be pushing the envelope of what you can handle alone, and they can better help you when you're NOT in crisis, but nearing it. That is what they are there for.
Know that you are loved, and you are worthy of being loved. I know you are a strong person. It is OKAY to cry right now. It is okay to even be a little (okay, a LOT) depressed, it is NORMAL to feel this way under the circumstances you have. But the numbness and hopelessness are what worry me. Please do go get help.
If you need someone to talk to, I can send you my private email. Sometimes just talking to a stranger is best in these cases.
~H
Hope it's ok, but I'm just going to vent right now.
4 years ago I almost lost my brother he would have been 26 at that time. It started out that he was getting sick every morning, throwing up blood. (although he didn't tell anyone about it, until it was noticeable that something was going on). He told us he was trying to lose weight. He got so skinny you could see his ribs and his hip bones. His highschool clothes would fall right off him.
At that point he went to a walk in clinic to see a dr. The nurse there scared him and said he must have cancer. My brother told me first.
After some testing, we found out he had Crohn's and colitis. It was then that our mother told us that she also had it, but had been in remission for many years. She was also 26 when diagnosed.
I got on a real health kick and started exercising and taking care of myself. I think it was my way of coping with things at the time.
My brother was on steroids for awhile to help fight the crohn's. He started to lose his hair, and even his will to live. He started talking about where he would like to be buried if he were to pass away. I think this had a lot to do with the pills he was on at the time. My brother has never been like this. He is in all the sports, and is really good at it. Has 2 kids and a beautiful wife.
about a year later, I was in school in Toronto. I was taking Fitness and Lifestyle Management. One night I was out with my friends and didn't get back until 1am. I never usually went out, but they talked me into it. When I got back to my apartment my roomate was standing at the door. She told me I had to call home.
That's when I got the news that my brother was in the hospital in critical condition. He had had a perferation in his bowl and was rushed into surgery. He had asked to go home from work that day because he couldn't stop vomiting. His boss actually went into the washroom to make sure that was the case. my mom found him at home curled up the fetal position crying in pain.
After the surgery he got pnemonia and things got worse. I took time off school and was there everyday. The dr's wouldn't tell us anything. I got fed up and finally demanded that we speak to someone.
When the dr pulled us into his office, he told us that my brother may not make it.
Our pastor came in and prayed for him. and so did all his friends. a month later, he was better and recovered miraculously.
He's had 2 more surgery's since then. The last one was to put in a steel mesh in his stomach because he had a hernia where in the incision was made. Now he a hernia again and we're getting conflicting answers. Nurse's did xrays and said that the mesh is not in there. His surgeon says it is and it's probably just a stitch that's bothering him.
he went for more xrays and thats when they thought he may have cancer. We still haven't received the results from that.
Mom started getting sick soon after my brother.
I've been to counselling, but stopped going. To me it seemed to make me more stressed. When I talked to him about my family and all the worrying about then dying, he said "well they will die". Is that supposed to make me feel better? lol
I have to go. hubby doesn't understand why I'm typing so much.
I've been to counselling, but stopped going. To me it seemed to make me more stressed. When I talked to him about my family and all the worrying about then dying, he said "well they will die". Is that supposed to make me feel better? lol
OMG- no wonder you stopped going! I’d try a different counselor- thankfully all of them aren’t as crass as he is!
I’m so sorry to hear about your Mom. I was actually thinking about you on the way home from work today (I read your open letter the other night and it stuck with me).
All of this stress can really wear you down and be hard on your body. Since you are vegan, you are obviously very aware of the numerous beneficial effects foods can have on health. Make sure you are eating plenty of whole fruits and veggies, and urge your family to do the same- treating your body to good nutrition is the best treatment it can get. As you probably also know, exercise in any form is also a good stress reliever- maybe taking regular walks with your hubby would help release some tension and distract you from your family problems.
Please stay strong and know your vegfriends care!!
Big hugs,
-T
Kristy,
Sounds like you have been through a lot in your life. Many of us have, myself included. I don't want to burden you with my story but rather tell you how I deal with depression. I notice you mentioned "our pastor" and suppose you hold to some sort of belief system. There is a God who loves you and understands all you are going through. We can only offer our sympathy and advice but He has all the answers to each of our problems. Talk to Him, tell him all your sorrows because He wants to help you. Try it for a week and see if things don't improve. He tells us to cast all our cares upon Him because He cares for us. It is not always easy to understand why things happen as they do but I believe that all things will become clear someday. Our family will also keep you and your loved ones in prayer. God Bless
Kristy,
Sounds like you have been through a lot in your life. Many of us have, myself included. I don't want to burden you with my story but rather tell you how I deal with depression. I notice you mentioned "our pastor" and suppose you hold to some sort of belief system. There is a God who loves you and understands all you are going through. We can only offer our sympathy and advice but He has all the answers to each of our problems. Talk to Him, tell him all your sorrows because He wants to help you. Try it for a week and see if things don't improve. He tells us to cast all our cares upon Him because He cares for us. It is not always easy to understand why things happen as they do but I believe that all things will become clear someday. Our family will also keep you and your loved ones in prayer. God Bless
Thanks Printerguy. And I hope I don't sound like someone who thinks everything bad happens to them. I don't think that way, I know everyone goes through tough times in their lives and these things make us each stronger.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I have drifted away from my faith, instead of turning to it, and what you just said made a whole lot of sense to me. A verse from Corinthians just popped into my head;
"My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me.
Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong.
I forgot how much comfort I got from this.
Praise God !
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God . Romans 8:28 .
Keep praying! :)
I've been super stressed out for the last 3 years it seems. The last year I've had to go on antidepressants and I hate the way things are going. Life is good, i work from home, I'm taking accounting online, I have a wonderful husband and two awesome pets. But I can't stop worrying about my family.
They live 6 hours away from me, and they always seem to have something wrong lately. Mom broke her arm a few months back, and is afraid she won't have use of her fingers anymore. She also has Crohn's and Colitis and my have to go for surgery soon.
My brother has been for surgery 3 times already for his crohn's and now the doctors think he has cancer. He just went for a test and we'll find more out in a week. He's 30 years old! It's not fair that he has to go through this. I'm worried sick about him and I can't sleep at night.
My husband isn't much help in the emotional department, he never knows what to say and just changes the subject when I try to talk about it.
This is killing me.
I have been through a lot in my life and have learnt some wonderful lessons.
The first thing I learnt was that Worrying does not build a bridge between a problem and its solution. So don't worry.
Second thing that has saved me is , When you find that when things are out of your control, the best way to come out of the situation is ,"DO NOTHING". Such situation is like a whirlpool. If you try to struggle to come out of it, it pulls you down and you sink faster than you can imagine. If you don't do anything, if you don't resist, it throws you out immediately.
So let God play his saviour part. You don't do anything.
I , generally watch Tom and Jerry cartoons when there is a stressful period. Or watch Jery Lewis movie.
Try it out.