Friend Advice!
I have no vegan friends that I can talk to and thought maybe some of you could give me some advice about a friend that made a really hurtful comment to me.
He is a vegetarian and my old room mate. I just moved out last month. I have known him for years and lived with him for 2.
We were kind of getting on each others nerves which I think is partly due to what he likes to put up his nose :)
Anyways, let me start off with saying that I am a really REALLY easy going vegan. Sometimes I think I should be more proactive than what I am. I never push my beliefs on anyone, say comments, freak out about someone having a leather couch in their house, or anything like that. I don't like to make a big deal about it. I think there's a lot more to me than just what I put in my mouth. If someone is curious about it and would like to know more than I love to talk about it!
So when we were having it out venting about how one person cleans the bathroom more than the other.... he told me that I am just a big "SNOOT A RELLA". I asked him what in the world he meant by that... I didn't want to come across as snooty or stuck up. He wouldn't tell me. Finally after some prodding he told me that I act stuck up because I am VEGAN! He said I acted like I was "better" than everyone because of this. And he's a VEGETARIAN for crying out loud!
I was so surprised because that is totally not the case that I just started to LAUGH! Then I started to CRY. I have a couple of other mutual friends with him and they in the past kind of made comments about this as well and don't understand it at all. Seriously... I have never tried to say anything rude about omni's or act like I am better than anyone. Regardless of the context.
Was he just saying this to get under my skin? I have been friends with him for a long time. Even though we kind of had a rocky time living together towards the end I thought that I still wanted to have him as a friend. But now I'm not so sure. He really has changed a lot and it really bothers me that someone would be that shallow to judge me just by what I put in my mouth. Especially a really old friend.
I guess it kind of goes both ways. I've always wished I had a good friend around who was vegan that I could talk to and relate to. But I try to see past just what people put in their mouth. I've dated guys who are vegan and who will only date vegans. I have also went out on dates with guys who find out I'm vegan and never call me again. I know it's convienet to have your friends/lovers to be vegan. But should this be what you base everything on??
Am I being too sensitive about it? It's just really frustrating because I really try to be so easy going and to get that from a real good friend, especially someone I lived with just really bugs!
I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt your feelings - he may have been angry about something else and it was just coming out on you. If you really are that chill about it, it doesn't seem like anyone could make that sort of comment about you.
I only have one vegan friend who I only see occasionally, and the rest of my friends are omnis. In a way I sort of like that though, because my vegan friend is pretty snooty about it. Sure, he has been vegan longer than I have, but he seems to think that makes it okay to give me advice that I don't ask for. I try not to get mad about it, because I feel like I have done more research than him and know a little more about a healthy diet.
So, I would just let it go with your friend, but if he says something like that to you again I would confront him about it. That's not okay if it's an ongoing thing.
Thats crap
A) He is jealous of your abilities to take a stance for what is right and act on it
B) He is just taking out his own angst or aggravation and as his room mate your the closest target
i wouldn't worry about it... i think we vegans just come off "snooty" because we have different values than others and live life more ethically (IMO) and express our opinions about how cruel eating animals is... people have a hard time grasping this for some reason and they think we r trying to preach... which i know u said u don't... it wouldn't be possible to surround yourself with only vegans... don't worry about this guy he sounds like a loser anyways and was probably just trying to piss u off... your better off surrounding yourself with people who don't put stuff up their noes (that's probably why he's so moody) i'm surprised he doesn't clean the bathroom more often with all that extra energy!
thanks kids. yeah.. i know people say things in the heat of the moment to get to you.. but it just seems like that comment had to've came from somewhere... i know i need to work on letting things go and forgiving people. people definately change... i don't think i'm gonna write him off. but he is on probation!
Ha. Because there's a direct correlation between a non-nappy toilet and being a stuck up vegan. Don't worry about it. He was deflecting and redirecting because he didn't have a legitimate rebuttal to not appropriately contributing to cleaning the shared living space.
Hey natty, i had a similar incident with my best friend when I went vegan. weve been friend for 4 years and were living together for one and we just couldnt live together because our styles conflicted, but he is truly my best friend. Anywho he was having a hard time dealing with me being vegan because he was scared that I was going to change in a negative way and he didnt want to lose his friend. So maybe he just needs time to adjust, maybe you should let him know that it hurts you when he says things like that and that you value him as a friend and are not intentionally being "snooty" as he put it.
My friend and I spoke about all this after we both adjusted and calmed down and it turned out, that yes my friend was just scared of losing me.
hope it works out!
Kennedy could be right, he could be doing a sort of "pre-emptive strike" thing, busting up the friendship before you can hurt him first, which btw makes NO kind of sense but a lot of people do it. You'd be amazed at the number of people who sabotage perfectly normal friendships because they are afraid to get hurt. So they hurt first.
You mention that he "puts up his nose" ie he's using. This also can lead to irrational behaviour, misplaced anger and guilt, paranoid behaviour etc. He also knows you are "safe"--ie you won't hurt back, so he thinks he can vent on you and you'll accept it. It's up to you how far you let this behaviour of his go. I have a friend who gets all dramatic on me 2-3 times a year...you either wait for the storm to pass, or you move on. Just depends on what you're willing to put up with, I guess.
Don’t let that comment bother you! Maybe he and his friends secretly think you are better than everyone else because you are vegan.
^-^
Living with friends is definitely harder than it sounds. I lived with 2 of my best friends in college, and even though we were all very easygoing people, we managed to get frustrated & irritated at each other's little quirks. So I would relax and realize that he probably didn’t mean it, or mean to hurt you.