all i've got is: if you don't trust him, maybe you shouldn't be with him?...

My first thought was...how's he cheating if he's in Japan for 2 years?  To me talking to someone on the computer is not cheating.

my honest thought is that you are perhaps overreacting.  LC might be her initials or maybe the initials for her nickname that all of her friends call her.  judging from the fact that you are aware that you are the "jealous type" and that you've been jealous before when nothing was going on, maybe you should just step back, calm down, and rationally think it out.

if you have any male friends (which i'm almost certain you probably have at least one) how would you feel if your boyfriend got super jealous anytime one of them talked to you?  and if every time he saw a comment (even with a nickname) on your page he flipped out and assumed you were cheating?  it probably wouldn't feel so nice, right?  most people feel untrusted and like they are being accused of things in situations like this.  and this sort of feeling causes friction and arguments in an otherwise lovely relationship.  i'm sure you've heard this and know this, but it can actually drive him away.  obviously you don't want that to happen.

if you cannot trust him, then i'm going to agree with the people who have suggested maybe you shouldn't be with him.  a relationship needs mutual trust and honesty.

and as far as the girls leaving him alone: if you can ONLY trust him when he is not around temptation, then is he really trustworthy?  i would rather surround him with the most tempting situations possible and see him shine through like the honest guy he is... or have him fail miserably and he'll save you a lot of time by basically admitting he truly isn't trustworthy. 

when someone is "a cheater" it is never the girls that he dates... it's him.  you know what i mean?  you can forbid him to be around those who you see to be threats, but regardless if he's going to cheat then he will eventually and it won't matter who it is.  if that girl was "the one" then he would be with her and not you.  so it's never going to be the girl who is the problem in this case.  and even if you guard him from any situation that could lead him to cheating, that doesn't change him. 

my way of dealing with this (trust me, i have been cheated on A LOT) is i trust the person until they give me a reason to feel otherwise.  i do not freak out just because they are around someone who might steal them away or whatever.  i figure if this person is going to be honest with me, then they are worth it.  if they are going to sneak around and lie, then they are not.  it certainly saves A LOT of stress.  instead of freaking out all of the time, save your freaking for when something actually happens.  my guess is that the relationship will do better for it.  you'll be more at ease, he won't feel the tension, and you two can focus on what you do have and your relationship should be more successful.

i guess my point is this:  if he's only good when he doesn't have the chance to misbehave, does that really count?  if he would misbehave if given the chance, is he really worth keeping around?  if he can be around temptation AND behave, isn't that even more comforting to know for a fact that he's loyal to you?

i know this sort of came off as tough love, but i want to emphasize the word love because i really do love you tons, but i feel i should be blunt and tell you a way to re-examine the situation in the way that i think might best help you.

also, you might take a look at yourself.  usually (unwarranted) jealousy stems from insecurity.  what do you think these girls have that you don't?  if he didn't want to be with you and didn't think that you were amazing, i doubt he'd carry on a relationship from across the globe!

(in high school, i was definitely jealous... but it was because i had a good reason to be jealous since my partner was a proven cheater... on me, in fact... and that should have been the first sign that it wasn't going to work out)

ps~ and if anyone who read the polyamory threads is confused by any of this... keep in mind that to me it is cheating if there is lying involved... and most of my relationships have actually been "monogamous" (on my end, anyways) and the person decided to cheat instead of having an open relationship.

OK, I can relate to this somewhat in that I used to have a military boyfriend who lived far away.  I'm not really too much of a jealous type, I don't think, but I understand the whole NOT KNOWING aspect, and that can be so stressful!  

I would like to know more about the nature of your whole relationship, I guess.  Did you have a discussion about what you would do with other people of the opposite sex when you were apart?   It might sound mundane and intuitive, but it might ease your mind.  The guy I'm dating now doesn't live in my town, but we have like "no grinding on other people in clubs," etc, type of little things and it makes things very clear and easy.  I mean, "don't let people of the opposite sex post on your facebook and then comment on it" wouldn't be on such a list, you know?  (I hope that didn't sound snarky!  But you see what I mean?)

If it's REALLY bothering you about the LC chiquita, then you could casually ask him or make a joke about it.  Especially if she's all over his page.  (Be like, wow, you have quite the little fan club!)  But chances are it's nothing!  Also, take it as a compliment--if other chicks are eyeing your man, he must be a find.  And he's YOURS!  You know?  I'd be more worried if no chicks talked to him.  And I know guys talk to you on your facebook as well!  It could go both ways.  

Also, find things to do to distract yourself when you feel the rage coming on.  Like, go for a walk, go do SOMETHING, talk to a specific girlfriend on the phone who is like your lifeline, whatever!  If you get into the pit of just thinking and doubting and getting angry and thinking some more, you'll destroy yourself!  

I mean, the core thing is, there has to be a good basis of trust to begin with.  Ask yourself if you have that.   If you honestly think you do, then you've just gotta go with that and trust it.

You're dating a ferret?

</smart ass comment>

;)

Cali, I think you've nailed it....at least for me....G has been my first relationship that was really built on trust where internally/logically, I KNEW I had nothing to worry about....However, scars from previous relationships have trained my heart to be unsure of itself and feelings of worthlessness - which is why I'd ask for info on the people, to help make my two disagreeing parts come to agreement....does that make sense? I am working on this, but is a long/life long process that I will continue to work on. For me, I liken it to 'superstition' and how do you defeat superstition? With facts/information.

Personally I feel that jealousy is a lack of confidence in oneself rather than a distrust of a partner.  You have to love yourself and believe that you are loved by your partner wholly  You have two years with him in Japan.  Work on getting to know yourself, learning to love and respect who you are, and feeling comfortable being loved. 

I think once you realize how wonderful you are as a person then the jealousy will no longer come out.  Good luck!

This, exactly.

Agreed.

and it is a lot about insecurity, because boys have never liked me so i think "whats so special about me?" but i can work on it.

You definitely can!  Confidence is the most important thing...like in life as a whole, not even just in relationships.  You have to feel like you are awesome all the time.  Which you are!