Hometowns
Anyone else have problems with where they grew up?
I have a problem with my hometown.
I have a problem with the way it smells, it looks, it sounds, it operates and even the people who occupy my hometown. I have a problem with the memories I’ve created there and the ones I’ve been forced to confront or dance around when I go there to visit friends and family.
Anymore, when I go home to see my friends and family, I spend the majority of my time in a drunken haze. Meaning, I go out to the bars, trying to silence my head and erase all that I’m reminded of when I go home. But not even the alcohol silences the mind.
Yes, I’ve moved on to different pastures (I wouldn’t say necessarily greener). Yes, I’ve accomplished so much on my own and yes I’ve met interesting and sometimes life-changing people. A lot of this people have come and gone. A select few have stayed. I’ve always wondered why I run far away from my hometown...the hometown that made me who I am today. I know my hometown will always be a part of me and I will always be a part of my hometown.
Make no mistake, I’ve escaped the welfare and trashy slums that overpower my hometown and I won’t let them overpower me. I’ve risen time and time again when I’ve been beaten-down and had no one. I’ve continued and will continue the daily uphill battle that plagues me. I’ll take the memories and the people that champion the person I’ve become. These people and these memories are far and few. These people and these memories have stood by me when nothing else would.
If there is any advice I can give, let it be this - be careful with the decisions you make. I’ve pushed people and memories out that have played important parts in my current life but I’ve lost my way because of my purging of the system. To quote Nine Inch Nails - “Two feet below the surface but I can still make out your wavy face. Maybe if I could reach you, I could just leave this place.” Hold onto the memories and the people who have stayed, even if they are from your haunted hometown.
If there's anything worth holding onto. In my case, there isn't.
You can't go home again.
After a certain age, "home" is found within. Or should be. That way you never lose it.
To quote Billy Joel: Wherever we may be--you're my home. Except you have to be your own home to remain balanced.
Good points, yabbitgirl. I agree with sometimes you can't go back. I have so many friends and family picking and pulling to get me to move back home. It's crossed my mind a million times (as things often do) and sometimes I think it would be easier. But what's the point of easier? Then again, I don't think it would be easier. I'd be fighting everything I've become and everything I stand for by moving home. So, yes it's true, sometimes you can't go back and move to where your heart is.
Yes I know, you're to say it's inside you but sometimes it's not completed on the inside and sometimes those memories and/or people help complete the picture. I was trying to argue that in my original post.
Nice Billy Joel reference, btw. I love music and music quotes.