Housewifery/husband/SAHM/career stuff/wtf.ever
Posted by Allychristine on Jul 13, 2010 · Member since Dec 2007 · 15438 posts
Continue discussion!
I shall comment in a bit.
The World's Largest Collection of Vegetarian Recipes
Continue discussion!
I shall comment in a bit.
superannuation
I googled that word. Yes!! Superannuation = pension. You get a certain percentage of the money you made whilst working. :)
wow that is awesome if you can get it so early! NZ super is only available at 65, which is likely to raise to 68 in the next 10 years, and will probably be 70 by the time we get there.
We have our own retirement savings as well, but we can't access that till we're 65 either.
I guess working for the government gives you different entitlements though... ? Or is that a normal thing in the states?
Umm... I don't know about other people in other jobs. Sorry. :( But in the military if you do 20 (or more) years you are paid a percentage monthly based on your highest 3 years of wages.
Both DH and I have our own retirement savings accounts that we contribute to monthly as well. I'm not sure when we're allowed to access those though. I probably should find out.
Also, there is something here in the states called social security. You can start receiving it at 62 though full retirement age is considered 70. The social security administration then pays you a certain amount. It varies from person to person. I think its based on how much they've earned/contributed to the fund over the course of their life. Someone else please correct me if I'm wrong. I doubt it will even be around when I'm that age as there are too many people pulling out of the fund versus people putting into the fund. SO it isn't something I'm counting on.
You're right. They take SS money out of your checks from work.
As much as I love cooking and doing other house-y stuff, I don't want to be a stay at home person. As I mentioned in the chit chat thread I have always been career focused and now I'm trying not to be I find it difficult to take a step back and not bring work home and I have found I want to study again even though this time 6 months ago I said never again.
We have discussed what we would do if we have kids. N has said he'd like to be earning enough for me to stay at home for the first X months, but I currently feel I would like to get back to work ASAP and have him stay at home. He's the one who really really wants kids, whereas I never used to (he's may be persuading me!). But I'm sure once I had a child I would change my tune and want to spend as much time ass possible with them.
Currently we're earning similar-ish amounts so it wouldn't matter who stayed at home. BUT it would be tight. And I think N has more potential to earn more, so it would be more likely that he would carry on working.
As much as I'd like to stay at home, I really don't see it being feasible, at least not right now - or anytime soon - unless Andy gets a new job....
I wouldn't mind working part time, or doing volunteer work - we just need to get to a point where my income isn't necessary. But both people who have held Andy's current job before him, have left to make over double their salaries - the city just pays for shit....he could be making so much more, which is frustrating...mostly to him...
But for the record, I have never had any real career aspirations and don't know that I ever will....I'm just lucky I married well....but I have my own set of skills if I ever need them.
Hopfrog, that sounds great! You are an excellent mom.
yeah, I can definitely get a bit OCD on things at the moment, which I can only see getting worse with more time on my hands, and I hate hate hate hate being dependent on anyone for anything. Help, money, directions, I gotta do it myself!
That being said, we really do think of ourselves as a 'unit' and I think, if he were ever to get to the position where he was earning enough to make it a possibility, I'd be ok with having most/all of our income coming from my husband.
Yeah, it's not so much that I feel dependent on him to keep me alive or anything, and we are certainly a unit. It's just some strange thing. I just don't like feeling so needy. Like when I didn't have anything else on the horizon (job, school, etc.)..I've been home all day, and he's been with other people all day..and we'd just be in totally different moods. You know? I know it was also pressure from the outside-the whole potential thing. It's hard to explain. I'm so glad that I got the opportunity to experience being at home for a semi-extended period of time, though. I've learned a lot.
I've been home all day, and he's been with other people all day..and we'd just be in totally different moods.
Yes!! I never realized before how tough that is. Shawn will come home from a lonnng day at work where he gets annoyed with people at work, and he just wants to relax. And I'm all yap yap yap because I still have lots of energy and want to hang out with him. He likes having me home of course, but yeah, the mood thing is weeeeird!
I've been home all day, and he's been with other people all day..and we'd just be in totally different moods.
Yes!! I never realized before how tough that is. Shawn will come home from a lonnng day at work where he gets annoyed with people at work, and he just wants to relax. And I'm all yap yap yap because I still have lots of energy and want to hang out with him. He likes having me home of course, but yeah, the mood thing is weeeeird!
Yeah, and then if I'm in an extra needy mood (hormones, or whatever), I'm like waahhhhhhh. It's weird how it changed for me as soon as I had job/school lined up. I guess I just didn't like feeling (kinda) hopeless.
I don't think I need a career to be happy, but I'm just not comfortable not working when money could be used/saved. If we won a million dollars, we'd both stay home in an instant. Well, travel and move, and such.
I identify with pretty much everything in this thread, or at least elements of everyone's posts.
I certainly have no "career" aspirations. I do have things that I like to do, that feel important to me, but not really anything that I want to turn into a career or that I feel would be a successful career if I did decide to do so/need to. I have hated almost every single job I have ever had, some much more than others, so it leads me to believe that all jobs suck. I also don't enjoy having to obsess over money issues. I'm very much not into making things I love about money.
I also do not like feeling dependent, so I don't know how I would take to that situation if it ever arose, but for now Dustin is a bit dependent on me (he's not working, atm, and he will be on a super fixed low-budget student loan income starting late aug.), so I feel like if the time ever came that I could be dependent on him to make the money I could be (cause I would justify it in my head as a trade off of dependent times. lol). I do like providing, though, it's fun! We've both had times that we were home more/not working and the other person was working more and it's been fine either time. At the moment, it's been more fun for me to work and Dustin to stay home because he does a lot of training, anyway, so the time tends to even out better. When he is working and I'm not he's usually gone almost all day a few days a week and it gets boring. If he ever gets to do what he actually wants to do (bike race professionally) and is in the position to provide enough money I'd not work in a second! I love just spending my time cleaning, making foods, being outside/working out, etc.
In terms of providing and dependency, I think you just have to think of it as each of you has whatever you do to do... So no matter what you are providing something. Especially if you have a kid! I'd totally stay home if I had a kid (provided I could). But even if you don't have a kid, there are always a million things that need to be done by someone (I swear I always have a list or errands a mile long.. I think, though, mine might always be worse since I don't drive?). I think it evens out and there's not really a reason to feel like you "should" be doing anything.
Overall, I think that the other income would really need to be big for me to feel justified in not working, though, because I would want to save for retirement and other emergencies.
In terms of providing and dependency, I think you just have to think of it as each of you has whatever you do to do... So no matter what you are providing something. Especially if you have a kid! I'd totally stay home if I had a kid (provided I could). But even if you don't have a kid, there are always a million things that need to be done by someone (I swear I always have a list or errands a mile long.. I think, though, mine might always be worse since I don't drive?). I think it evens out and there's not really a reason to feel like you "should" be doing anything.
Overall, I think that the other income would really need to be big for me to feel justified in not working, though, because I would want to save for retirement and other emergencies.
Yeah, we've both had times where one person was bringing in most/all of the money, too. And it's never, ever been an issue on either side. He's said multiple times that while he's envious, he's happy that I have been able to stay home, and be happy not having to work some crap job.
I totally agree with you about each person having tasks that they are in charge of completing. Obviously there's a ton of stuff to do at home-all the cleaning, cooking, animal stuff, other chores, etc, and then there's working 8 hours every day. I'm more geared toward all the household stuff, so it just makes more sense. However, it's hard not to feel like the one (working job) person is getting the short end of the stick! In addition, (not any fault of P's) I had a few issues feeling taken advantage of. Like I said before, "I don't have to work, I'm home, why I can't I do everything?" You know?
Also totally agree about the income thing.
you have felt taken advantage of while being the worker or the home worker?
i'm totally geared towards house stuff, too, and i will end up doing it myself if it isn't done in a time frame i want it done in.. so even if i'm the person working i will end up doing a lot of the cleaning and such unless dustin is way ahead of me on it.
you have felt taken advantage of while being the worker or the home worker?
i'm totally geared towards house stuff, too, and i will end up doing it myself if it isn't done in a time frame i want it done in.. so even if i'm the person working i will end up doing a lot of the cleaning and such unless dustin is way ahead of me on it.
The home person. Like I said, nothing P was doing wrong..it was just a feeling! Just because I'm doing all those types of things, I would get to feeling like EVERYTHING was getting lumped into things I should be doing.
I'll always do the things, too. Mainly because I want them done how I want them done, and I'm not going to push it on P when I'm the one who wants them done/when I want them done. P is totally up for doing his part of things, and always has when we're both working. When we were both working in Montana, he always did the dishes, bathroom, etc. I don't want him to sound like a bad guy here!
I don't feel any of those negative things anymore, either. Like I said, it all changed when I got some new goals. I think I'm just driven more when I have more on my plate, so to speak.
you have felt taken advantage of while being the worker or the home worker?
i'm totally geared towards house stuff, too, and i will end up doing it myself if it isn't done in a time frame i want it done in.. so even if i'm the person working i will end up doing a lot of the cleaning and such unless dustin is way ahead of me on it.
The home person. Like I said, nothing P was doing wrong..it was just a feeling! Just because I'm doing all those types of things, I would get to feeling like EVERYTHING was getting lumped into things I should be doing.
I'll always do the things, too. Mainly because I want them done how I want them done, and I'm not going to push it on P when I'm the one who wants them done/when I want them done. P is totally up for doing his part of things, and always has when we're both working. When we were both working in Montana, he always did the dishes, bathroom, etc. I don't want him to sound like a bad guy here!
I don't feel any of those negative things anymore, either. Like I said, it all changed when I got some new goals. I think I'm just driven more when I have more on my plate, so to speak.
I think it has to do with feeling under appreciated. I get that way regardless of how awesome Evan may (or may not) be being.
I've been home all day, and he's been with other people all day..and we'd just be in totally different moods.
^ This!!
We have discussed what we would do if we have kids. N has said he'd like to be earning enough for me to stay at home for the first X months, but I currently feel I would like to get back to work ASAP and have him stay at home. He's the one who really really wants kids, whereas I never used to (he's may be persuading me!). But I'm sure once I had a child I would change my tune and want to spend as much time ass possible with them.
^ This again! Also, you said ass. Lols!
I think it has to do with feeling under appreciated. I get that way regardless of how awesome Evan may (or may not) be being.
Definitely. I hate feeling like that, especially when I know it's not true!
oh yeah, for sure, i know that it's not you speaking badly of P... our feeling are pretty much always something that has way more to do with our own emotional state at the time than what anyone else is doing, anyway :).
yeah, i'm totally the same way with the housework. that's why it'd be cool to stay at home, but at the same time i like working since dustin also hates it.. he's so much happier not working :)... this is why he needs to become a rich bike racer.
Something that I've been thinking about recently revolving around DH and I's current situation is career paths. We are both committed to doing 20 years with the CG. Which is a feat for just one person in a marriage to do (let alone both). The logistics can just get out of hand sometimes.
DH has been in twice as long as me, yet we are the same rank (I've got loads of ambition), but he'll be advancing soon. Both of our jobs require us to go to sea for a certain period, but we both can't go at the same time. DH is way ahead of me on this requirement and yet he got to go to sea again (due to unforeseen medical issues with me) for this move (we both love being underway). Now he is at a sea going unit for 1-2yrs (they might move him early after his advancement) and I'm on land for.... who knows do to variables. If we have a kid, basically I'm forfeiting more time than he is because I'll be the one that isn't fit for full duty for like a year. I'm quite bent out of shape about all of this.
i'm kind of confused due to not knowing about the CG at all, but it sounds really sucky... why can't you both go to sea at the same time? and he's gone for 1+ years?!?! you couldn't go to sea before you have a kid?
i'm kind of confused due to not knowing about the CG at all, but it sounds really sucky... why can't you both go to sea at the same time? and he's gone for 1+ years?!?! you couldn't go to sea before you have a kid?
No worries. There is a lot to know. Technically, we both can go to see at the same time, but we'd have to sign waivers to do it. Since we have Bella it wouldn't really work. If both people are at sea it means that they will probably hardly ever see each other.
The 1-2 years is the job length. It is supposed to be a 2 year billet, but they might transfer him after just 1 year since he will be getting a promotion. The CG doesn't get underway (actually at sea) for that long. The length of time you are actually at sea depends on the ship size. The bigger the ship, the longer you're out. The longest is 6 months, but then you're home for 6 months. DH is on a small ship. He won't be gone very long at all. Like a week at a time sporadically.
I can go to see before I have a kid (and after). But I cannot go to see if 1) I am pregnant and 2) I am not fit for full duty.
Heh...
No, I never pictured myself as a housewife. Now that I really don't have a choice, though, I find myself getting used to it, and even reveling in it sometimes. Since I don't and never will have kiddos (well, except borrowed ones, lol) it doesn't matter if I do housework during the day, or vacuum at 2 AM. since I'm still not 100% health-wise this has been a serious blessing. I can do as much or as little as I feel up to doing, and know that El Hubbito will be able to help with the heavy stuff come weekends. And since EL Hubbito works nights and sleeps during the day, I can do quieter things during the day, and the noisy stuff at night.
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