How do you deal with fear?
I will admit I've always been a worry wort and I've never dealt with 'fear' very well. I'm not talking about scary movie fear, I'm talking about fear of the unknown, fear of what will or will not happen.... worry wort fear. I tend to deal with fear rather destructively. I drink, I binge and purge and I cut myself off from the world (don't answer the phone, nothing) when I'm dealing with a fearful situation in my life. I HATE how destructive I am to myself because of fear imposed by an outside situation. I've noticed I tend to get afraid when I have no control over a rather disruptful or hurtful situation going on around me. Right now I'm involved in a very dramatic and painful situation that isn't really my own, but it greatly affects me. I'm terrified of what could or could not happen and so I'm setting into my usually pattern of self destruction....drinking, binge/purge, cutting myself off, all of it. My poor mom has called like 3 times this week and still haven't called her back. My best friend keeps calling and I haven't called her back either. I just do this and I don't know why....I mean I hurt myself and others because I'm afraid and it has nothing to do with anyone I'm hurting.... I mean crap, I'm 30 years old, I really should have some this figured out by now.
I don't know. I partially wanted to get that off my chest AND I want to ask you all how you constructively, or in a positive way deal with fear and uncertainty in your life????
I think I will replace the word fear with the word anxiety. I deal with it the same way that you do...self destructively...alcohol, anger, ed, avoidance, shutting down... :-[
I have been better about announcing that I am anxious or that a certain behavior (someone else's) is making me anxious. Talking about it does help me..but be sure the person you are talking with is someone that you trust completely because if your feelings of fear or anxiety are belittled most likely you will end up feeling more anxious or just plain angry. My family is very supportive so that is who I will tell (dh or ds(s))
There are different types of fear. I have a streak of fatalism. I have a job and a house, but if I lost my job and house, I'd still work somewhere and have friends, just maybe in reduced circumstances. If people around me are going through change and it stresses me out, I try to be supportive where I can and back off when appropriate. I guess I don't hold on to anything too tightly. I expect change and realize that once I'm used to it, it won't be too bad.
There's another type of fear, like sometimes going into the dark downstairs when the power is off is monsters-under-the-bed scary. I "arm" myself with something, mentally prepare for a battle, take a deep breath, and descend. The bathroom is down there, so I can't avoid the journey. I think for that kind of fear, I get my head in the game.
Great question.
For me, just a matter of letting it all go. Think reasonably and critically and then let it all go. There are some breathing methods that help, also.
It's mentally challenging, for sure. Have you studied any philosophy at all?
pooh bear, my mom is just like that, only she doesn't drink, pruge or anything like that. She is described as a dry alcoholic. She has severe control issues, and supreme fear of the unknown--beacuse she can't control what's in the unknown. We've been going to counseling for it because her issues seriously affect my own life because I am a minor, and she needs to have complete control over me. One thing that the therapist has asked her when this is brought up is:
Hasn't everything worked out eventually? haven't you made it through life this far? What's worrying so much about a situation really going to fix in the long run? It isn't. Things sometimes just have to happen on their own accord, and you just gotta take it as it comes.
Even though it is extremely hard at the time, the most important thing is to have hope and confidence that everything will work itself out one way or another.
:)>>> :)>>> :)>>>pb
Hasn't everything worked out eventually? haven't you made it through life this far? What's worrying so much about a situation really going to fix in the long run? It isn't. Things sometimes just have to happen on their own accord, and you just gotta take it as it comes.
Even though it is extremely hard at the time, the most important thing is to have hope and confidence that everything will work itself out one way or another.
:)>>> :)>>> :)>>>pb
Totally.... ;) thanks SOG!
Not too long ago, I could have been on the European Worrying Team. But I learned a valuable lesson: anxiety, fear, takes up a LOT of energy. So often whatever you're worried about plays out totally different, but as humans we do tend to envision the worst-case scenario over and over and over long before it actually happens...and then it isn't as we feared, so you've wasted all that energy. Or it DOES play out bad, but you're so exhausted you can't deal with it as well.
I also learned a lot by watching a hamster in the wheel. They run and run and run, but never get anywhere. And then suddenly the wheel's momentum takes over and they hang on for dear life, going round and round through no choice of their own. It takes a conscious effort to "stop the wheel." You have to force yourself to do whatever...in my case, leave the house. In your case, pick up the phone, talk to people, or just admit you're having a hard time and need some help. Maybe the person trying to reach you has an answer.
You're in my pocket. (((PB)))
You're in my pocket. (((PB)))
Oh thanks yabbit, I like your pocket ;)