If I Had A Second Chance, I would....?
Someone posed this question to me at work today because she was feeling regret over certain things in her life. I know there's countless moments of retrospection in everyone's life where they say, "Man, I wish I had done THIS instead of THAT!" But is there that ONE moment or sequence of events where you look back and wonder how your life would have changed dramatically if you had chosen a different path? I'm very interested in how you feel about this because life hangs so precariously on each decision we make. For me, I wish I could back in time when I was a teenager and tried to get closer to my father...tried to do things that would have made him proud as opposed to disappointing him. It just seemed like from that point on, I could never gain his respect, although I know he loved me. It is something I do regret, especially since his death in 1999. Anyway, I would love to hear YOUR responses. I know there's many intelligent, sensitive people here at VegWeb.
I wish I could go back and stay in school, instead of partying in my teen years (I was such a brat). And continued on to college. BUT all the stuff I went through, I learned from, and I can help others. So, is there regrets? Yes, but no regrets in helping a fellow human being better their life, if I can.
And a bunch of other little stuff like, I wish I started martial arts sooner, started snowboarding sooner, ect. But those are not really a big deal. Just the above.
I wish I would've done more while I was in college to prepare myself for life after college. I especially wish I would have found a job before graduating and moving to NYC, so that I wouldn't have become poor, desperate and depressed, eventually forced to move back in with my parents... sigh.
And I wish I would have converted to veganism sooner!
:)
i have something else to add...
i would go back to earlier tonight and not go to the store with my mom while it was raining cats and dogs... cuz then my pedometer wouldn't be broken.. and neither would my new cellphone that i've had for 2 weeks that my cell company won't refund
no, y'know what? i'd go back to like... saturday night, and find some kind of drug to take that would just let me zone out this entire week so far so nothing bad happened and i wouldn't have spent the last 3 days straight crying :P
:)
I wouldn't have moved to San Diego. It never felt right during the move and my friends in the Northern California town I was living in tried to talk me out of it.
I wish I had come home for Thanksgiving tomorrw (Thursday) instead of today (Wednesday). Errrr. Mom is seriously making me crazy. The did love my vegan stuffed shells though!
I've been thinking about this for a little while. I really don't know quite how to say this without sounding like I'm asking for a pity party, but I assure you I am not.
I've read what everyone wrote and many of you say you would not change a thing because the good and the bad make you who you are. I agree that even our struggles help to develop us into stronger, more 'real' people.
However, I'm not sure if I can find any benefit from the abuse that I and several of the earlier posters have experienced in our lives. True that because I suffered abuse in my childhood, I am probably more compassionate to hurting people than I would have been otherwise. Maybe I/we can really feel empathy for fellow sufferers at a level that others might not "feel". But I'm sure that if I had the choice I would not have gone through that 'life-experience'. I also wish I had told someone in authority what was happening to me. I wish that those who chose to abuse me would have received their recompense.
I'm really not bitter (anymore), I have received much helpful counseling over the years and have come to terms with my unchangeable past. I'm just thinking that maybe I could have been a lot better equipped to handle life had I not gone through so much crap.
I'm really not a writer...I struggle to put the right words together. Does any of this make sense to anyone besides me? Sorry for the rambling.
You make a lot of sense, WDII. Some people have gone through more pain and suffering during their lives than others, because of various reasons and situations that are not of their own fault/doing. I'm sorry you had to endure so much pain and bullshit. :( My heart goes out to you. So, so many assholes out there in the world. My ex-husband always says that if there's ever going to be a pandemic virus that strikes humans...let it be an "ass-hole virus" where it only affects assholes and gets rid of them all. Sadly, I agree and I'm not even laughing as I say it. I know I should be more compassionate. But it's difficult for me when it comes to people who purposefully and knowingly inflict pain and suffering on others.
My second chances?
Up until I hit my thirties I was overly magnanimous and someone who overlooked a lot of crappy things people did to me, and I always tried to see things through rose-colored glasses. Being the extremist that I am...I suddenly went from one end of the spectrum to the other...and went through a severe phase of depression, social anxiety, anger, and bitterness toward the world (from my family to friends to the govt., etc.). I burned a few bridges that I now regret. People who got caught in the cross-fire or who I just plain cut out of my life due to me wanting to "turn off/tune out the world." I met a few really cool people in life, particularly through work, who were simply awesome people.
I also regret not becoming more actively involved with helping animals in my past. I have done a lot...but always feel I could/and still can do more.
I regret not going back to school to get my MA/PhD (for Near Eastern Archaeology, English Lit.,...anything really) when I was younger. I just don't have in me to do it anymore. In some ways, I think it was for the best that I didn't, and then other times I think I would have really enjoyed going back to school.
I regret not adopting a doggie sooner than I did. I can't believe I lived most of my adult life without a dog to love and run/hike with. I always wanted one desperately...but my ex always had an excuse not to adopt one.
I regret having gone through a "meat phase" in my late twenties. I blame it all on my ex. Yeah, everything's his fault...the lack of dog, the lack of MA/PhD, the lack of involvement in helping animals, etc. ;D Isn't that what exes are for? To blame things on? (Just kidding! We're still great friends. He would laugh if he read this.)
WDII, thank you for posting. And you write just fine. (Ah, Midwestern grammar raises its ugly head... ;D) If that's a "ramble"--ramble all you want. As a fellow survivor of many years of various types of abuse, I know exactly what you mean. You're glad you have learned compassion....but geez, did it have to be that way?
I have a new slogan I like: Put the "human" back in being.
I agree with Davedrum in one respect- my best friend Bill went through a lot of turmoil during his 20's and 30's but eventually met the love of his life and is still happily married. We talk about that sometimes and I said to him once..."you know, if you hadn't gone through what you did in the exact chain of events, you wouldn't have met Lori." He agreed with me and it's true. Sometimes the most painful moments can ultimately lead to happiness. However, I sympathize with others who have written because for them, like myself, wish that we could have reached this point in our lives without certain things happening. Yes, the rough times can make us more compassionate, loving people but it can also make a person bitter, angry and mistrustful of others. I believe to a great extent, we make our own destiny but it sure would be nice to get some breaks along the way.
I would have stayed in school when my dad was paying for fresh out of high school rather than party my way to flunking out. I'm now 48 years old and going to grad schoo. Sigh.........
But you know what? Life still would have happened. I still would have had some serious hard knocks, still would have made some serious mistakes along the way, messed up a few relationships etc. they just would have been different ones, but that's the way life is and the way I am. I would still have become a 48 year old looking back at his life, trying to live and learn, and figure out the 2nd half of my life.
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