Just do it already.
Ok - I decided to go vegetarian about 9 months ago - it has been such an easy transition, I feel amazing and I am surprised every day by how many new veg recipes exist. I think I am ready to make the transition to Vegan (I rarely eat cheese/milk/animal products anyway), but I am held up on something and I would love some input/advice.
I already feel high maintenance. I visit my boyfriend and his family/friends a lot out of town, and the fact that they feel like have to make a separate entree for me, or that they don't know I don't eat meat and feel bad, all makes me feel guilty. I don't want to be a burden - and transitioning to a vegan diet would make this feeling ever present. It is easy enough to avoid the steak at a dinner gathering, but to turn down every dish because it was prepared with butter may offend and upset people.
There is also the weirdness of having to explain to your boyfriend's family that even though they have known you for 9 months (who once ate their beef for xmas due to feelings of guilt, ew), will now not eat any dairy as well.
I just don't want to be a pain in the ass. Any thoughts?
People are going to react to your diet negatively if you are feeling guilty and apologetic about it. Why continue to eat things that you don't want to just to avoid hurting other people's feelings? What about YOUR feelings? People who care about you shouldn't react to your dietary needs as though they are a burden. They will want to find a way to take care of you and make sure your fed. If they don't? They screw 'em. They aren't making an effort, so why should you compromise your morals to make their life more convenient?
I will admit that I'm fortunate that both my parents and my bf's parents are both cool with the vegan food thing. We don't tend to eat *interesting* meals at my bf's parents' house, though his mom's not a stellar cook to begin with. She's figured out a few things she can feed me though, and I'm always appreciative and also bring something to share, and we're all happy.
Here is what I have learned. Make vegan food easy, tasty and accessible. Bring goodies, be they appetizers to a party, a side dish to a dinner or cupcakes just because. Familiar things that people know, recognize and enjoy without thinking 'eww vegan food'.
My mother lamented that she "just didn't know what to feed me". When she came and stayed for three weeks she thumbed through my mountain of cookbooks and realized just how easy it was. With things in place, like Earth Balance and Soy Milk and Veganaise, its just a matter of making your recipe with them instead of the dairy version. This helped give her an idea of what she needed to do when I go to visit her.
With my mother in law, I simply brought food. She was making ham, I made baked tofu. She made spaghetti, and I brought meat free sauce. I tried to bring treats as well to let them know that vegan did not mean flavorless or 'health' food.
When you go to a restaurant with friends, order first or last. Make sure you speak clearly and loud enough that the server understands. Until you know a place pick something easy. Going for Mexican food? Get veggie fajitas or a bean burrito. Just say "No cheese. No sour cream." to the server repeatedly. Going for Italian? Ask for an egg free pasta with garlic oil and veggies.
Avoid going to steak or bbq places if possible. Try International foods like Indian, Ethiopian, and Japanese. Be sure you ask the host(ess) if they have items on their menu that would or could be made meat, dairy and egg free. I have turned around (politely after thanking the host) and left if they say "We season everything with chicken stock". That to me means that they are a crappy restaurant to begin with and not worth my time.
If you do end up going in steak places get a salad, baked potato and steamed veggies. Get the Italian dressing on the side and drizzle it on the potato too. Sure its not exciting and its overpriced but you will fill your belly.
Ive never had pink hair :)
I just recently visited my family and just took alot of my own food, my parents were just very curious and I told them I would fix them a veggie meal and I made them the lentil tacos on this
site which they loved. It was a long visit and they are 7 hours away and I loaded up a tub with
soy milk, cereal, beans, etc. just to supplement what I thought my mom would make. On the night she made her famous fried chicken and potatoe salad, the kids and I had veggie dogs and baked beans, and my dad tried a veggie dog and loved them. My dad also though the veggie chicken nuggets I had brought for the kids were good too.
My in-laws are a different story, but they are trying, however Im sure my mother-in-law thinks this is a phase and it will "go away" THEN she will do something super awsome like make the kids a whole tub of rice crispy treats with Karo syrup and peanut butter and anounce "no marshmellows" you gotta love her! Anyway at the family gatherings with the in-laws, I always bring a vegan dish to pass, make sure I have a back-up for the kids and ask for bread, veggies and salad. Usually this is not difficult for them to do and I don't feel bad about asking becouse I am contributing to the meal. Good luck going Vegan it is a good decision and just relax and don't stress about it.
why should you compromise your morals to make their life more convenient?
this is a good point. we all have the right to abstain from eating whatever we want. i certainly understand feeling like a pain in the ass, though! have faith that it will get easier. for me, i keep in mind that i'm doing what i think is right. at the same time i try to make it as easy as possible on everyone else. unfortunately people unfamiliar with veganism may have misconceptions about it, but once they get to understand more about it, including your reasoning for it, they'll probably become more accepting and you'll feel less like a burden.
it's good to let hosts know ahead of time of your diet if you're unsure about whether there will be something for you to eat. worse comes to worst you'll bring something (again, let the host know first), you'll eat a boring salad/veggies, or you won't eat anything-- not the end of the world. that said, i personally am a little less "strict" when eating out... i never eat obvious cheese or animal products, but i don't usually ask if there's dairy in the bread, stuff like that. sometimes i'll call or write beforehand to check on that. on the whole, i've accepted that going out to eat will be sub-par compared to what i make at home.
bottom line: if all veg*ns wanted to totally refrain from being a pain in the ass to omnis here and there, there'd be none of us at all! quite frankly, omnis (though there are many i love dearly) are often a pain in the ass to me!
i've had pink hair, too!
also, i would just be a pain about it. anyone who acts like it is a pain for them to have YOU eating vegan food is ridiculous. just bring your own food wherever you go (start wearing a bigger purse/bag ;)). i used to always have snacks in my bag wherever i went. at some point i stopped that because i don't usually bring snacks with me places unless i know i will be gone for a while/during food times, but it's pretty easy to do without people having to "maintain" you.
They aren't making an effort, so why should you compromise your morals to make their life more convenient?
no kidding. just consider how convenient it is to be an omni.. they eat whatever the hell they please, alot of the time not even looking at the ingredient list. they can conveniently go anywhere and not worry about finding anything suitable to eat. so maybe giving them the challenge of figuring out what to feed a vegan once in awhile is a good thing.. maybe it would even make more of them aware of what it is that they themselves are eating by getting into the habit of looking at the ingredients.
azvball14 hasn't been back since she posted this? ???
maybe we scared her away :-X
(I'm kidding of course) :)
hopefully she didn't give up because of all the outside pressure/interrogations....... :-\
No No I'm here! :) I was out of town and couldn't wait to hear the responses...
I want to thank you all SO VERY MUCH for all of your responses. This has been a TREMENDOUS help. First, just to know that others sometimes feel the same way is such a comfort. Usually, those that post on vegweb "see," to just rock it with the vegan diet, so I always assumed that it was so easy for everyone. You know what they say about assuming....
I do agree that worrying about what people think all the time can be a waste of time; however, I do not believe that being considerate of other peoples' time and feelings really fits in that category. I certainly appreciate this point though - and I fully agree.
I really loved to hear everyone's personal journeys with this - it helps me put the ideas into context and gives me specific examples. I am definitely going to be carrying snacks more often (although I will probably have to fight the urge to eat them just for fun). I also LOVE the idea of bringing my own dishes places, especially because cooking is my #1 favorite hobby.
I think in the situations I was having the most trouble, is that when I was visiting my boyfriend (every other weekend, long distance blows), I was always staying with his parents or his best friend (he is directing a show so the living situation is temp right now). So - his mom would usually be kind enough to feed us breakfast lunch and dinner, and I end up eating the yogurt or the muffin for breakfast to be nice.
So I have an idea. I think I am going to back a whole "vegan weekend survival kit" from now on with snacks, breakfats food and some staples so I won't be caught in that situation. I have loved hearing how you have all explained this to your families - it has helped me find some good verbiage. :)
So again THANKS so much for all the suggestions - I am certainly going to keep checking this for more!
THANKS for making my first post such a good experience.
Also - Cally
Thanks so much for the restaurant tips! These types of decisions are particularly hard for a new vegan.
You all rock.
ALSO I have never had pink hair...since apparently that is the subtopic of this thread. :P
Oh, I've had pink hair too.
I had blue-black hair once. Then it quickly faded to just black. Dull, chemical-dye black. :boooo:
Two words to add to my favourites: verbiage and apologist. ;)b
I guess I'm lucky that I don't have many large/extended family gatherings to deal with. But I loved taking along irresistable veg*n food the last few times the fam had Christmas together.
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