Non-Vegan Gifts: How do you deal with them/what should I do?
So, I was looking for this topic, and I couldn't find a thread, so I figured I'd start one.
:/
I'm in a bit of a dilemma. My boyfriend's mother loves to give gifts to people. Because of this, I receive presents from her from time to time. It's one of the sweetest things that someone has ever done for me. They are always unexpected.
I'm finishing up my freshman year of college, and there's a package for me from her. I was so tickled.
She sent me a bouquet of tropical flowers from Hawaii. (please note that I'm in Baltimore right now at school, and I'm from Chicago, so I've never seen any of these before!) However, inside the box was two boxes of designer chocolates from the Hawaiian company. Both of them are LOADED with milk/whey/butter, etc. There's no way I could bring myself to eat them.
....What do I do?
I'm so grateful for the gifts she does give me, but all the foods (chocolates, every time) she sends me are not vegan. I went home with my boyfriend for Easter, and as a gift she made us both easter baskets. Yes, she chose dark chocolate, but she chose dark chocolate with milk in it, jelly beans, peeps, etc. I made my boyfriend swear that he wouldn't tell her that I couldn't eat a single thing in the easter basket.
And now these fabulous candies. :( They look so good, but I'm not willing to break veganism for anything.
What should I do?
Also, have any of you been in this situation before? Not necessarily with boyfriend's parents, but people in general. How have you dealt with this kind of situation?
At least with my mother I've been able to talk to her about it. I asked her to please return the sweater she purchased me with rabbit's fur in it.
However, when it's someone that you're trying to earn their respect/trust with, I'm finding it a little difficult. I don't want to be rude, but I also don't want her to be wasting her money on gifts that I don't even use.
....
ideas? :)
You're a sweetie.
Personally, I'd thank her for them and, when she's not going to find out, give them away to someone who'd appreciate them. Then, at some point in the future, I'd mention that I was a vegan (hint, HINT) in a really nice way. So hopefully she'd get the idea & be careful when giving gifts. You could even (white) lie and say it's new to you, so that she doesn't feel bad about the previous gifts.
A week ago, I was at a restaurant - the owners are from India and SOOOO sweet. They brought me this milk pudding stuff & were so happy to give it to me. I kind of snuck it under my rice when they went away, because I didn't want them to feel bad. Sometimes it seems like there's not a lot you can do. But if they did it all the time, I'd try to find the nicest way I could to tell them I don't eat that stuff.
It's a tricky situation for sure...but you can pull it off! :)
You're a sweetie.
Personally, I'd thank her for them and, when she's not going to find out, give them away to someone who'd appreciate them. Then, at some point in the future, I'd mention that I was a vegan (hint, HINT) in a really nice way. So hopefully she'd get the idea & be careful when giving gifts. You could even (white) lie and say it's new to you, so that she doesn't feel bad about the previous gifts.
A week ago, I was at a restaurant - the owners are from India and SOOOO sweet. They brought me this milk pudding stuff & were so happy to give it to me. I kind of snuck it under my rice when they went away, because I didn't want them to feel bad. Sometimes it seems like there's not a lot you can do. But if they did it all the time, I'd try to find the nicest way I could to tell them I don't eat that stuff.
It's a tricky situation for sure...but you can pull it off! :)
well, interestingly enough, she knows I'm vegan. I went home with my boyfriend for the entire Easter weekend, and she stocked the house up completely for me--we're talking vegan ice cream, vegan cheese, vegan EVERYTHING. She bought all the fancy stuff that I never purchase for myself. She even made me a vegan pie--looked up a recipe special, I kid you not. :)>>> This family is soooo kind to me and completely respects my beliefs--it just seems that with candy, she doesn't quite understand. I've written her thank you notes for every single gift she's given me--veg or not, they all deserve thank you notes.
So, we'll see. Maybe I can tell her nicely without seeming like a jerk? I don't want to be like, "thanks for the chocolate, BTW I can't eat ANY of it..."
Sounds like I need to bribe my bf to keep his mouth shut about the candy. In fact, I'll try not to talk to him much about it at all.
I'm hoping that maybe she'll receive a hint from my bf about how to shop for vegan chocolate. :) Cause I hate passing up on the stuff.
Oh, gotcha. Well, in that case what I would do (and this is just me) is accept the gifts and give them away without her knowing. It sounds like she's really trying. Some people don't realize stuff like that - such as what's in the chocolate. They don't totally know how to read labels. She is really going out of her way, more than most people would.
People sometimes give me non-vegan things, and my 7-yr-old walks around the neighborhood, passing out non-vegan stuff! It's like a funky halloween in reverse. :)
That's great they are so thoughtful! I'd be amazed if anyone cooked me all that vegan stuff!! :)
Oh, gotcha. Well, in that case what I would do (and this is just me) is accept the gifts and give them away without her knowing. It sounds like she's really trying. Some people don't realize stuff like that - such as what's in the chocolate. They don't totally know how to read labels. She is really going out of her way, more than most people would.
People sometimes give me non-vegan things, and my 7-yr-old walks around the neighborhood, passing out non-vegan stuff! It's like a funky halloween in reverse. :)
That's great they are so thoughtful! I'd be amazed if anyone cooked me all that vegan stuff!! :)
Yeah, she really is a sweetheart. So is my bf's dad. He showed me how to make homemade beer in the bathtub in their basement (lol.) And he goes, "Now, there's no animal anything in there, so you could probably have some!" ;D
They sound way too friggin cute.
!!!! :)
Ya I usually give the stuff away without the person knowing... I would hate to be an ass and say sorry i can't eat that... I just take it and say "thank you so much" and give it to someone who wants it
Aw, you and your boyfriend's parents are all so sweet! And i'm sure you'r bf is sweet too :) anyway, it seems like the mom is trying to make you happy, and really, there's nothing worse than receiving chocolate you won't eat. maybe next time you visit you can bring some nice vegan chocolates to share with them and mention that they're vegan? then she'll say ohh, so some chocolates are vegan and some aren'ts? and it can start a discussion. i dunno, i guess she'll still feel bad about the other candy she gave you, but if you're eating the chocolates together then nothing can be too bad.
Aw, you and your boyfriend's parents are all so sweet! And i'm sure you'r bf is sweet too :) anyway, it seems like the mom is trying to make you happy, and really, there's nothing worse than receiving chocolate you won't eat. maybe next time you visit you can bring some nice vegan chocolates to share with them and mention that they're vegan? then she'll say ohh, so some chocolates are vegan and some aren'ts? and it can start a discussion. i dunno, i guess she'll still feel bad about the other candy she gave you, but if you're eating the chocolates together then nothing can be too bad.
Hey, that's an idea. I might have to do that.
Do you have a fave vegan chocolate that you would recommend? I'm a cheap ass when it comes to myself and I rarely buy sweets--so it's usually that one Ghiridelli bar that doesn't have any milk products in it. Do you have a favorite chocolate I could bring his family?
Ya I usually give the stuff away without the person knowing... I would hate to be an ass and say sorry i can't eat that... I just take it and say "thank you so much" and give it to someone who wants it
Yeah, I'll probably end up giving the chocolate to my mother when I get home. She'd be all over that kind of stuff.
Trader Joe's has some vegan chocolate bars, not too expensive - about $2 per bar, or $4 for a 1/2kg chocolate bar (huge!). Also, I believe they still sell a box of belgian dark chocolate shells, which are vegan. Those are about $4, I think. Oh! and (ha, I know my chocolate well), they also sell dark chocolate crisps that come sort of like pringles - they're thin oval pieces of chocolate with crisp rice.
From what you say, I bet she never stopped and really thought that "milk chocolate" means "contains MILK, ergo not vegan." If she goes out of her way to find vegan stuff for you, I'm sure it's just that the penny hasn't dropped all the way yet. If you bring it up in a nice way (as someone said, next time take some vegan choc for her to try/see the brand), I bet she will go, "Ohhh! So not all chocolate is vegan!!" Or something like that.
Your bf's folks sound like keepers. So go gently, but just give her the info she needs.
Ya I usually give the stuff away without the person knowing... I would hate to be an ass and say sorry i can't eat that... I just take it and say "thank you so much" and give it to someone who wants it
Ditto. It's nice when someone tries to make the effort and just doesn't quite make it. I'm always so worried that I'll look unappreciative. It sort of depends on what kind of person your bf's mom is. If you think she'd be really upset about it, then just leave it be and give the chocolate away and realize she's still really awesome. If she's the type of person that would be like "oops, okay, I'll get it right next time!" then you could totally take vegan chocolate to her and drop hints. With my bf's mom, she would be really upset and say "I don't know why I even bother!" or something similar, so I don't say anything to her.
Aw, you and your boyfriend's parents are all so sweet! And i'm sure you'r bf is sweet too :) anyway, it seems like the mom is trying to make you happy, and really, there's nothing worse than receiving chocolate you won't eat. maybe next time you visit you can bring some nice vegan chocolates to share with them and mention that they're vegan? then she'll say ohh, so some chocolates are vegan and some aren'ts? and it can start a discussion. i dunno, i guess she'll still feel bad about the other candy she gave you, but if you're eating the chocolates together then nothing can be too bad.
Hey, that's an idea. I might have to do that.
Do you have a fave vegan chocolate that you would recommend? I'm a cheap ass when it comes to myself and I rarely buy sweets--so it's usually that one Ghiridelli bar that doesn't have any milk products in it. Do you have a favorite chocolate I could bring his family?
Oh man, I typed aren'ts. whoops. Anyway, chocolate... I dunno, I don't like the really high cocoa content because I find it too bitter, but most anything else is good by me. I like the bars they sell at hf stores like the Rainforest bars and this other kind I can't think of the name of. They have yummy raspberry and mint varieties. It would be awesome to bring something like a Sjaak's or Allison's Gourmet assortment, but those are super expensive. I didn't know TJ's sold vegan chocolate shells though... fb always has the best ideas.
Trader Joe's has some vegan chocolate bars, not too expensive - about $2 per bar, or $4 for a 1/2kg chocolate bar (huge!). Also, I believe they still sell a box of belgian dark chocolate shells, which are vegan. Those are about $4, I think. Oh! and (ha, I know my chocolate well), they also sell dark chocolate crisps that come sort of like pringles - they're thin oval pieces of chocolate with crisp rice.
Oooh, sounds like I'm going to TJ! You really do know your chocolate, thank you. :)
Ya I usually give the stuff away without the person knowing... I would hate to be an ass and say sorry i can't eat that... I just take it and say "thank you so much" and give it to someone who wants it
Ditto. It's nice when someone tries to make the effort and just doesn't quite make it. I'm always so worried that I'll look unappreciative. It sort of depends on what kind of person your bf's mom is. If you think she'd be really upset about it, then just leave it be and give the chocolate away and realize she's still really awesome. If she's the type of person that would be like "oops, okay, I'll get it right next time!" then you could totally take vegan chocolate to her and drop hints. With my bf's mom, she would be really upset and say "I don't know why I even bother!" or something similar, so I don't say anything to her.
My mother sounds like your bf's mom, in the sense of the mentality of 'I don't know why I even try' kind of thing. I'm pretty sure my bf's family is really laid back and they would understand if I brought them some vegan chocolate or something. I'm just gonna test the waters for the next couple of months. (I don't live anywhere nearby my bf and his family :( but I'll see him again when the fall semester starts up. And then maybe I can bring him and his folks a present. ) :)
It's better to be honest about being a vegan in a nice way. It's always up to everyone how they tell people. I agree that giving them a chance to taste yummy vegan food usually works.