Open letters
Seeing as we've got confessions and problems and issues springing up in threads all over the shop, I thought it might be interesting to have an open letter thread. Cathartic, perhaps. From your mother ruining your wedding, to your boyfriend who can't stop peeing on the toilet seat, or even that guy on the bus who kept making that annoying noise with his mouth, get it out here.
I'll get the ball rolling.
To my dear darling boyfriend,
Just because you are technically 'clean' when you come out the shower, it doesn't mean that I am okay with using the same towel you've been rubbing all over yourself for a month. I know you have others. I bought you two myself. Drag them out from the murky depths of the laundry basket, wash them and allow me the temporary use of a clean one.
Love, Cat
Dear KMK,
Name him. We won't tell.
~VC
dear vegweb,
i love you all. i won't go into the specifics.
love, hesp.
Dear Body,
How could you do this to me? The one day this week I could sleep til whenever I wanted, and you wake up at 6:30 and refuse to go back to the land of Nod!!!
How could you?
Not so much love,
Your mind
Dear vegwebbers,
I have all day to spend with you, since my kayak trip was YESTERDAY! >:(
Disheartened Non-kayaker,
hh
dear craigslist,
Why must you choose to do maintenance on a Sunday morning? Everyone knows that Sunday is the best time to look for rentals. Remedy this immediately!!
signed,
tired of nasty apartment
Dear US Customs and Border Control,
I understand you are just doing your job, and I want to practice loving kindness towards you..
I forgive you for fucking up my trip, plans and costing me extra money. I LOVE that what you say goes -- even when incorrect! I'll think about you every time I am called aside in the airport for the next few years and harassed by your minions.
You make me sooo happy that I don't live in your police state... er country.
Take care,
Kevin
Dear Dad--
Thank you so much for a fabulous trip to Vegas. We had such a great time. Also, I'm quite proud of you for losing so much weight, and for doing it in such a healthy way. BUT--don't let them fool you into thinking that seafood = healthy food! Come out to the midwest sometime and I'll make you a fabulous dinner with grains and veggies you never even knew existed. (Come on, weren't you impressed that dinner at Paris where I knew that strange veggie on your plate was cactus?)
Love, Caroleena.
Dear He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named,
Why must you be so beautiful? You make me swoon.
Love,
KMK
Dear KMK,
you know how freakin nosy we are! You must tell us who it is!!!
Lubi
Dearest Boyfriend,
Yes, you had a long and boring day at work. Yes, you have worked many of these over the past week. But while you were out I cleaned up your flat, and you weren't exactly dying for things to do with your laptop, Internet and Sky TV at work. You even had a friend there to cover while you got lunch so don't come home sullen and noncommittal because you're hungry and refuse when I offer to cook you dinner. I am not your wife and I don't have to put up with this crap. You have until bedtime to buck up.
Cat
dear cat,
not that is my place, but dump his ass. date girls: they are better all around (not less stress, but you know, just better).
.. Or you can date vegans. They're basically half girls :)>>>
OR vegan girls!!! that is the best combo!
:)>>> :)>>>
dear aquaintences i knew in high school who now seem totally awesome and interesting when i look at your facebook/myspace/spy on you,
why werent we friends in high school?
-the girl in your media class/the girl who went to the winter dance with you in 9th grade/the girl who remembers TOO MUCH minute things and not enough important things.
how is the body of this letter incredibly shorter than the rest? weird.
dude. one of the said people above has "THE CHINA STUDY!" as one of his fav books on facebook. the other, is a green party member and a buddhist. why werent i friends with them.
Dear He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named,
Why must you be so beautiful? You make me swoon.
Love,
KMK
Dear KMK,
you know how freakin nosy we are! You must tell us who it is!!!
Lubi
You all don't know him! He's just a friend of mine.
Dear bicycle,
Quit it with the flat tires already.
Peace
Jason
Dear vegweb community at large,
YOUR mom.
Not-love,
KMK
Dear vegweb community at large,
YOUR mom.
Not-love,
KMK
WTF? This is very offensive, and totally uncalled for. I just got home. Thanks for the welcome! That's twice in two freakin' days. :-\
WTF? This is very offensive, and totally uncalled for. I just got home. Thanks for the welcome! That's twice in two freakin' days. :-\
NOT uncalled for! bp and I have been exchanging "your moms" for posts and posts by now.
Not everything's about YOU, Miss Only-Child.
Dear vegweb community at large,
This includes me, thank you! RUDE.
dear new apartment,
i am super excited to move into you, but also stressed about what all that entails...
can't wait for it to be over,
your future tenant
dear current apartment,
i am so sad to leave your rooftop, it will be dearly missed. let's spend lots of time together before i have to go.
stepping all over you,
your current tenant
my sentiments exactly.
Dear Super Dirty Car In The HFS Parking Lot,
Thank you for having cat paw prints on your windshield.
:)>>> :cat2: :cat2: ,
hh
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