Open letters
Seeing as we've got confessions and problems and issues springing up in threads all over the shop, I thought it might be interesting to have an open letter thread. Cathartic, perhaps. From your mother ruining your wedding, to your boyfriend who can't stop peeing on the toilet seat, or even that guy on the bus who kept making that annoying noise with his mouth, get it out here.
I'll get the ball rolling.
To my dear darling boyfriend,
Just because you are technically 'clean' when you come out the shower, it doesn't mean that I am okay with using the same towel you've been rubbing all over yourself for a month. I know you have others. I bought you two myself. Drag them out from the murky depths of the laundry basket, wash them and allow me the temporary use of a clean one.
Love, Cat
Dear family (and that means ALL of you living in the house except DGS 17 mo and the furry ones),
Why the $%&* can't anyone but me change a TP roll or throw out the old paper tubes? The youngest of you all is 18. This is not rocket science. I am tired of cleaning up after you all and then not having time for what I want/need to do for myself. Cinderella is resigning! File all complaints in the trash can.
Dear Sarah,
I understand and I agree, but the idea of trying to remove what is essentially a hole from someone's body made me laugh hard. (Never mind me, I woke up at 3 AM again).
Dear Magic Thread,
Please help me find my amethyst cross. I want to wear it this week and besides it was a gift and I would hate to lose it. I've looked everywhere I can think of, twice. The chain is missing, too, so I know I took it off somewhere in the house, but where?
Thanx,
YG
Sarah,
That made me laugh my arse of as well!
Yabbit,
I hope you find your necklace, it sounds lovely! (Hey there!, sorry you've had sleeping troubles lately :/ )
Yabbit,
I WILL FIND A WAY TO DO IT!
-Sarah
Sprint,
You are made of jerks. That's what you're made of. I can't wait until my contract is over and I can leave this horrrribleeee company. Why would you give me a replacement phone that's held together with tape? How stupid is that. Last year when I had to get a new phone the buttons were half broken. COME ON. Give me a break. I went in and waited an hour and showed how crappy the phone was put together and how it was falling apart and I was told to leave and come back when called that day. NEVER GOT A CALL AND IT'S BEEN 3 DAYS AND AGUGAWL;ESDJFG. Jerks. I use your little online customer service chat to tell you about the poopy quality of your phones for their insane price and I am told I can buy a new phone and renew my contract. BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I'M ASKING ABOUT. You farts.
-Sarah
Dear tax people....
F-off, if i would have known your easy services would have made it this unbearable and complicated i would have fucked them up myself.
kthx,
Jess
*DOUBLE POST*
Dear VW,
I found cool new (to me) products i want to share with the next giftee that is so danged cursed to get me as a gifter. when is vegweb gonna be safe enough for another one? hmmmmmm?
Hopeful,
Jess
dear new boss and job,
i am so confused... you were so cool and now i feel like u chuck me out with the sharks to fend for myself with no help... i am smart but i need some freakin direction so i can make both of us look good... ur an ass and i'm about to bounce if you keep this up... i am sick of this shit already... we could make a great team, so help me out a bit...
annoyed and frazzled,
amy
Dear A-hole at Dartmouth and 41st,
There is a special hell for people like you. Your poor kitty is infested with fleas and ear mites and has contact dermititis from the total lack of care and concern you have for her. It is simply cruel to have outdoor cats in Florida. I'll bet she's not even spayed. I am coming for her tomorrow night and you can save the few dollars a month you spend on that Wal-mart brand cat food you feed her. You suck!
The Midnight Ninja Cat Thief
Dear A-hole at Dartmouth and 41st,
There is a special hell for people like you. Your poor kitty is infested with fleas and ear mites and has contact dermititis from the total lack of care and concern you have for her. It is simply cruel to have outdoor cats in Florida. I'll bet she's not even spayed. I am coming for her tomorrow night and you can save the few dollars a month you spend on that Wal-mart brand cat food you feed her. You suck!
The Midnight Ninja Cat Thief
Dear Storm,
Can I come too?
(What is the vegan equivalent to egging someone's house in the dead of night?)
Admiringly,
YG
Dear Yabbit,
You are totally invited to come. Vegan equivalent to egging a house.....hmmmm? There really isn't a good substitute for runny egg goo, is there? Perhaps we could just spray paint "I'm an asshole" across the front of their house.
Storm
Dear Storm,
I know! We can TP their house, using recycled (ie dirty and smelly and gross) TP.
That would be very ecofriendly, I'm thinking.
YG
Dear Yabbit,
Bwah, ha, ha, ha, ha.....and ewww at the same time! I like it!
Storm
Storm, my aunt used to come home after trick-or-treating on Halloween to find people as written in candle wax on her windows. (she did not agree with handing out candy to begging kids she did not know. She always gave me and my sisters stuff though)
Dear MIL, when I am wearing a bracelet that you admire, it is not to check out if you want it. I am going through my colletion of beads and using them right now. If I did not want them, I would make them a bit smaller for you. I am tired of you acting like a disappointed look is all you need to get something you want.
I really question your memory issues at times. I suspect you will remember if I say I will make one for you later and remind me when you tell me you can not remember what you ate for supper 2 hrs later. Seems concenient to forget you ate sweets so you can justify more but remember things you want.
Dear Semiveg,
That sounds like my father's "deafness". Yes, he was slightly hard of hearing, enough to justify a hearing aid in one ear. No, he was not as deaf as he pretended to be. He could always hear the remarks you didn't want him to hear, particularly the ones you made in a low voice behind his back; but talking to him face to face would get "HAH? Speak up!" The TV on full blast was his way of hiding from the people in the house, blocking out conversations he didn't want to have, etc.
Dear God,
If I ever get old enough to think I have the "right" to use my age as a weapon to manipulate other people with, shoot me.
YG
yabbit, thanks for your patience with my spelling. Spell check had not worked for me recently and know I had a few typos.
Dear God,
If I ever get old enough to think I have the "right" to use my age as a weapon to manipulate other people with, shoot me.
YG
Dear Yabbit,
Is it wrong I got a picture of a lady being struck by lighting multipule times in my head and kinda giggled? If it is... I'm sorry. :-D
Lovingly,
Faylina
ps... after looking at google images for far too long I think this image best applies: LOL :-D :-D :-D
http://scrwmedia.com/ufj/files/2011/04/jchrist.gif
Dear Fay,
That struck me as sooo funny on sooo many levels...some of which are far too involved to explain here!
http://serve.mysmiley.net/party/party0028.gif
I get it...and so does He!
Love,
YG
Dear Semiveg,
That sounds like my father's "deafness". Yes, he was slightly hard of hearing, enough to justify a hearing aid in one ear. No, he was not as deaf as he pretended to be. He could always hear the remarks you didn't want him to hear, particularly the ones you made in a low voice behind his back; but talking to him face to face would get "HAH? Speak up!" The TV on full blast was his way of hiding from the people in the house, blocking out conversations he didn't want to have, etc.
Dear God,
If I ever get old enough to think I have the "right" to use my age as a weapon to manipulate other people with, shoot me.
YG
I can relate to the "deafness" also. She has admitted that one on an occasion. If she "doesn't hear, then she can do as she pleases and no one can fault her for it. then DH gets mad at me when I accuse her of manipulation.
Dear Dr J,
Do you have a cure for human idiocy? Because I need a big old dose.
YG
Dear Yabbit,
If Dr. J comes through with that, would you mind sharing? I'm surrounded by idiots.
Storm
Dear Monday,
http://bestsmileys.com/expressions/1.gif
Storm
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