Plea of desperation to teachers.
Posted by KissMeKate on Sep 02, 2008 · Member since Aug 2007 · 7322 posts
Dear teachers of vegweb,
2 of my 3 classes (block schedule) suck, behaviorally. They are an absolute embarrassment. I can't even begin to tell you. Please tell me:
- That you sucked too when you started
- What kind of class procedure systems you like
- What kind of management systems you like
- Any other tricks you may have as far as investment, behavior, etc., are concerned.
Basically, being a teacher is grinding my soul into a bloody pulp.
Love,
Ms. KMK
7th Grade Math
I just thought of something I used to do:
I taught 9th graders first thing in the morning during announcements (not supposed to talk)
I gave them a "participation grade" ....was a certain percentage of whole grade. Each day everyone started with 10 points. Kids could lose points for not being on task, or misbehaving. If you call it participation it can be a legitimate part of the grade....but you will secretly know it is behavior as well (which really is participating, yanno?)
also, i agree its better to confront students one on one in the hallway where they are much more vulnerable (alone).
calling them out in class only escalates things and embarrasses them and they try to show off and end up embarrasssing you!
I do have "classwork" as a grade percentage, which includes behavior. We grade kids on a 0-3 for behavior. 2 is good, 3 is exceptional, 1 means you effed up at some point, and zero means I had to call you out during class for being a jerk. I remind them that if they get zeroes everyday (which some have), they stil don't respond. I need to WRITE THOSE NAMES on the board so it is a visual slap in the face.
Oh, and today was the first time I cried at school, and it had nothing to do with the kids. It had to do with the woman in charge of payroll telling me that I may not get a paycheck tomorrow. I was making conversation with her, and she mentioned, at the end of the conversation, "Oh, apparently some of your paperwork hasn't been processed, by the way, so you might not be getting a paycheck." I must have been visibly upset because she became very apologetic. I went back to my room and cried while I set up for the day. I was depending on that paycheck.
I honestly don't know what to do. I don't have the money to pay for things. It actually does not exist. I have never been in a situation where I DIDN'T save enough money for myself to pay for the things I need. I am very responsible with my money. I don't deserve this. I'm so worried and scared.
Point is, that was this morning, and for the rest of the day, I was like, do whatever you want. :-\
omg, this is not how life should be. I can't deal with this anymore. I'm logging off for the night. I[m too upset. I'll talk to you all later.
:(
You know how people are sometimes.......in the first place, she sounds very...what's the word........RUDE. Also, she might have just been "talking"..you know just saying words..and not thinking about what it might mean to you. Ok, so your paperwork might not be processed...but it definitely doesn't sound like she knows that you won't get your paycheck. Ya know? I mean..I've experienced things like this. People just spouting of words, and freaking me out, but then everything's fine. I experienced the exact same thing with paychecks...but I always got them. I have a feeling that everything will be fine, and you will get paid as you should.
:iloveyou:
OH nooooo. I just read your other message. :'( :-\
1. On the "directory" it shows PK as having made the last comment, but it doesn't show up. ???
2. It's going to get better. They're going to pay you. Even if they have to write you a voucher or something. The sucky thing about a voucher is that they'd take the maximum amount of taxes out - something like 40% instead of 30%, but you'd at least get that.
So, I've been thinking about you tonight. You should definitely press them for more information before you go home tomorrow. You don't need to develop a hole in your stomach over the weekend. If you knew either way, then you could start making plans. Them being ambigous is the hardest part.
Guys, I don't think I can do this anymore. I am thinking of quitting. My kids don't need me. I don't need this. Every day I curse the day I began this career. There is nothing bright and happy in my life anymore. I get up 15 minutes before I have to leave because I am so exhausted. I look like crap. I wreck myself for 8 hours. I watch my kids learn nothing and treat everything and everyone with utter disrespect--at least while they are in my company. Then I come home, cry, and do hours of work which, 90% of the time, turns out to be for nothing. Then I do it again. This is not life. This is not healthy. I cannot remember the last time I ate breakfast or lunch or exercised. I need to face the reality that I am not good enough to do this. I just want to file my teaching career in the FAIL blog and move on with life. But I can't, because I don't know what I'd do next. I have no other plan or job, and I've already spent thousands of dollars on this one. What am I supposed to do? I hate myself, I hate my life, I hate my kids. I have never ever felt so trapped or out of control. Case in point: never have I spent an entire Saturday sobbing and sleeping. Heck, I'm not even a crier, usually. I could not tell you one thing I accomplished or even did today. I was supposed to do work. My life is a blur and it scares me. I just want to move away and start over. This is no good.
:( I wish I could have stayed in chat to talk to you, but I had to help P with his sling (we couldn't figure it out..). I definitely know the feeling....but not in the same occupation. Is beginning teaching this hard for others? I do not know. Oh man. I don't know..I don't know how to help, or what advice to give. :'(
eta: awwwwwwwww, P said "move to Missoula; come live with us...it's nice this time of year." He's so sad for you, too. You can work behind the jewelry counter with me..........
Middle school is the hardest level-I have done all levels so I can tell you that with certainty.
You might like elementary or high school better. I loved both levels, and hated middle school pretty much. Dont give up. It does get better. I cried in the bathroom when i taught middle school. i couldnt even wait till i got home.
are you student teaching or real teaching? do you have a contract? can you switch to another school/level? do you already have certification?
I can't switch, and I don't have my certification yet, though I am real teaching with the normal contract and everything. I just got the bill for the first payment of one of my courses - $385. So I'm like, shit. Basically. I hate this.
I don't know what to do either, AC. I really don't. The only things keeping me here are my pride, the money, and the fact that killing myself is not vegan.
I wish I had a remote to rewind my life to last winter and NOT choose this.
The students are not fucked up. They really aren't. They respond to other teachers more than they respond to me. This is my ineptitude.
Please don't joke about killing yourself, though. :'(
We really would take you in.
It sounds to me that you have been thrown in the deep end before you learned how to swim. I think you may need to rewind just a little and look at why you went into teaching. If the kids aren't responding to you but are responding to other teachers talk to those teachers they may have tips and tricks that you don't know about.
It isn't ineptitude it's inexperience. Have you had any teaching placements? any mentoring? team teaching experience? practice teaching?. Right now I would seek out a mentor in your grade level they may have a lot to offer you. Don't be to proud to ask for help they know you are new and they should know that you do not know everything they do. There are elements of teaching that only come with practice things like classroom management. More than likely the kids can smell your fear so they are taking advantage of your inexperience they are smart if you give them an inch they will use that inch and take a mile. You need to get to the bottom of the problem so maybe a classroom meeting is in needed or perhaps a sick day so that you can formulate a plan. Don't be afraid of walking in there on Monday a totally different person who is strict and mean it may be what they want from you, you can always easy off as their behaviour improves. Talk to your superior, will they support drastic consequences like a three strikes policy that ends in the office?
If they aren't learning anything then you need to find out why, are they just distracted? do they just not care? are they goofing off? is the information coming at them to fast? are they to disruptive to do anything?
Take a sick day figure out a plan to make the situation better call a co-worker or someone you know who is a teacher and discuss all the problems you are having they may have some really valuable advice. You may have to go into your classes and tell them you are starting over admit to them that you have all had a rough week or two and set down the ground rules, consequences, routines, and expectations and then move on from there to a lesson that you know they can do, review something you have already done, or give them a test on basic skills so you know what level they are all at and move on from there. Look online for complete unit plans ask your peers if they have some it will cut down the amount of time you spend planning. There is nothing wrong with borrowing ideas from others and making them your own by tweaking them.
You can make it through this you just need help do not be afraid to ask your peers and superiors for it. Heck if it's as bad as you say ask the students what's going on and see what it is that they want from you, you may be surprised.
You're strong enough to get through this until you figure what else you want to do.
Take care of you first. If you're going back on Monday, go militant on them. Send all but five out of the classroom. Talk insanely firmly at them when they need it. You've tried the nice approach and it hasn't worked. You've tried the moderate approach and it hasn't worked. Now it's time to take no prisoners. If they don't like it, tough. It was their choice. Give all but five of them detention. What kind of detention options are there? Make a point with it.
You signed on to teach disadvantaged kids and you're in a friggen magnate school. You didn't sign up to teach in the kind of school you're in, the students are hella disrespectful, and you're overwhelmed. There's no reason to not morph into hella strict, unamused teacher. The students deserve it and the administration deserves having 20 kids show up at their office for detention. They're not even paying you on time. And - 7th grade is known as the worst grade ever. They shouldn't have given you a grade level that you need ten years of experience to sort of begin to handle. It was wrong of them.
If you see a student punch another could you have the student taken away from the class on violence charges? Anything to get the little f*ers out of there. Seriously, if the troublemakers are making trouble, students aren't learning and you're not happy. No mercy.
We'll all take you in before you need to worry about killing yourself. California's a nice place. Seriously. We have sun (except for pink), beaches, and vegan restaurants.
yes hh!
and i too, l2a, have cried a many times while student teaching middle school. i distinctly remember walking out of chorus saying "fuck you!!!" under my breath, over and over and over again until i got to the practice room and shut the door. after that, i vowed to never teach chorus, and I had a LONG talk with my teacher about how to handle chorus.
here's my lj entry about it.
"i totally fucked up 6th grade chorus. it made me cry, but i told everyone that i had to leave to go tune guitars. but i just went and played a guitar and moped for being a shitty choir teacher. i hate chorus. and i suck at teaching it."
ugh. that day still makes me mad.
i totally agree with the above people when they say talk with the teachers who are doing good things. I go to other teachers ALL the time. like "what do you do if a student NEVER raises their hand." I'll just go to these teachers with any question, whether their broad or general. last year, i must have gone to my go-to teacher for advice AT LEAST 4 times a day. seriously. there were TOO MANY things that i did not learn in school. too many things that are just so bizarre, only an experienced teacher has seen it before several times and knows what to do. do you have someone near your room that teaches math that seems to know what they're doing? my go to teacher was another activity teacher, and even though we taught two different subjects, she gave me soo many good ideas.
Oh, Kate, I totally wish I could give you a hug. I absolutely know what you are going through, and it is very very overwhelming. I agree with L2A and kelsi - middle school is a difficult age to manage. My first year I would literally lay on the floor in my classroom after the kids were gone with the lights off and just cry. Then I would get up, turn the lights back on, and write 3 things on the board that I was proud of or went well. And they weren't always big things either. The first day it was, "No bloodshed. Nobody died. I'm going to try again tomorrow." Then the next day, I would read them out loud to myself to psych myself up. Sounds dorky, but that little ritual really helped me focus on just putting one foot in front of the other and getting to school every day, and celebrating the positive things that I WAS doing instead of all the things that I wasn't/couldn't.
HH, kelsi, and pagan veela have made some great points about seeking out a support system and asking for help. I know there were TFA people at schools I have previously taught at and you don't get a whole lot of training and experience. Even my 4-year teaching degree from college was pretty much useless as far as teaching me how to be a good teacher. I could have used 4 years of student teaching and nothing else! Experience truly is the best teacher. I look back on stuff I used to do my first years and cringe, but you can't teach what you don't know. I have been teaching six years and this is the first year I have taught the same subject/grade level at the same school for more than one year. And I'm like, WHOA, this is so much easier to do the second year!
You have to be happy with knowing you are doing the best you can and use that frustration you are feeling as fuel to seek out answers, dust yourself off, try again, and make it better. I absolutely agree with others about seeking out another teacher if you can. Unfortunately, the other special ed teacher at the first middle school I taught at was such a pathetic excuse for a person, let alone teacher, that I didn't want anything to do with her, so I made friends with the janitor during my late night work sessions, and really got a lot of great ideas from her, in terms of understanding the students and where they come from.
Are there other young teachers/TFA people you can hang with outside of school? I lived with two other first year teachers my first year and it really helped me to have people to talk with/commisserate with about school at home. It was such a great support system, because you need to talk/vent/share your excitement when things go right and the people who are best at understanding that, as with anything, are people who are going through it themselves.
Another thing I know I have mentioned before is that there is nothing wrong with drill and practice. I also used to swear I was never going to use worksheets, but I have come to see their value. Not all the time, not as the only thing I teach, but it is good to have something quick and easy that reinforces skills (which most of them need anyway) that you can have them do for 20 minutes so you can manage/teach 1:1 or small group. Or just breathe and collect your thoughts! Also, they are easier to make then intricate plans which might or might not go the way you wanted. Nothing was more frustrating to me than being really excited over a lesson I had spent hours on flop in my face. If worksheets reinforce skills while cutting down on your prep time, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. It is really tempting to want to live at school, and I have been there and done that. Still do, occasionally. It is not healthy. You need to eat and exercise and have a life outside of school or it will consume you and make you old and cynical and bitter before your time. And that's not good for anyone.
You can do this Kate. You CAN. You are not a failure and things will get better. I can tell you are a strong person and you like to push yourself to your limits. Think of this as a long, hard run. You want to quit, but you will feel so good when you get to the end and it wont seem so bad. I am proud of you for having ideals of social justice and wanting to change the world. Even though it doesn't seem like it, you are changing somebody's world. Truly, truly, if you need anything, PM me and I will be there to listen, support, encourage....whatever you need.
I can't switch, and I don't have my certification yet, though I am real teaching with the normal contract and everything. I just got the bill for the first payment of one of my courses - $385. So I'm like, shit. Basically. I hate this.
I don't know what to do either, AC. I really don't. The only things keeping me here are my pride, the money, and the fact that killing myself is not vegan.
I wish I had a remote to rewind my life to last winter and NOT choose this.
The students are not fucked up. They really aren't. They respond to other teachers more than they respond to me. This is my ineptitude.
Well whatever you decide, there's no wrong decision. I think you have to ask yourself what your ideal outcome to this situation would be, and then you can work towards making it happen. If you want to use this as a jumping board to get into something you love (like cooking school!) then that's cool! You gave it a shot, and who knows, trying something else might make you realize that teaching WAS for you. There is GOING back, your education doesn't fly out the window if you give your job a break, and you'll use the skills you've learned so far in many other areas of your life, I'm sure. On the other hand, If you want to give it more time while taking a few different approaches, that's cool too! Money is easily replaceable when you find something you love to do... and you're the only one in the whole wide world blaming yourself.. I have a feeling that the people who matter in your life are going to be proud of you no matter what you do. I know I will be! People make career changes all the time, where as some people who hated their job learn to love it (and the other way around, too). It sounds to me like you know and want to change something - heck, you're slipping into a depression. No job is worth that. You are so nice to others, you don't even eat the cute animals, but you're not being nice to yourself...
There's no rush - time is on your side!!! Sometimes we make decisions that we think are for the best but they turn out to be the worst thing we've ever done. Likewise, sometimes the things that are the most painful for us result in us finding our destiny and true happiness. You are going to look back in a few years and feel so accomplished that you got over this mountain, regardless of what path you chose to navigate it. But you're a smart girl and you know all of this already, and you're going get out of this and be new and improved and extra badass, all covered in awesome sauce.
"Awesome sauce" made me giggle.
I just thought of something my high school freshman math teacher did. So he wouldn't have to turn his back on the class (I suppose), he used an overhead projector. He had transparency sheets and he used a bunch of different colors of water based pens to show different steps. He wrote on those instead of the board, faced the class the whole time, and then wiped of the transparency sheets with a damp towel so he could reuse them.
I just thought of something my high school freshman math teacher did. So he wouldn't have to turn his back on the class (I suppose), he used an overhead projector. He had transparency sheets and he used a bunch of different colors of water based pens to show different steps. He wrote on those instead of the board, faced the class the whole time, and then wiped of the transparency sheets with a damp towel so he could reuse them.
She has a smart board, though!
http://www.msd.k12.mo.us/stark/photogallery/2006-2007/Open%20of%20school/Terrell%20playing%20a%20learning%20game%20on%20the%20Smart%20Board..jpg
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