I’m tired, people.

It’s been quite a year. I fell in love with one of my best friends...and I lost her. I got in touch with old friends...and I lost them. I met new friends...and I’m not sure where they are. My mom has had cancer scares and is still getting some possibilities checked out at the hospital. I had my own cancer scares. My grandmother had cancer and now the doctors claim they removed it all during her surgery. I went to the ER (as a patient) a couple times and for the past week, I have a swollen lump under my neck.

I had people throw their depression, hate, and anger at me when it has nothing to do with me. I had a new friend take her anger out on me when it should have been aimed at the one who caused it (her fiance). I’m not talking about venting..I’m talking about blaming me for all his wrongs. I had several people purely vent to me (crying and everything). And let’s not even get into the long list of people who came into my life..picked, pulled, and used me for whatever and disappeared. I waged battles with my dad..trying to get him to be more involved in my life and especially my sister’s life. I say especially because he’s always treated my sister like a second-class citizen because he doesn’t know how to handle her condition. Good thing she gets SSI because we can’t count on his help for anything.

I’m letting this all out because it’s wearing me out. I’m not looking for pity. I’ve never looked for sympathy. I’m just worn out.

But get this - vegetarianism is keeping me grounded. It’s given me a sense of control and belonging in this crazy world in which I live...including my own head. With vegetarianism, I feel as if I’m participating in and actually contributing to the earth’s well being. Ok..if you’re still with me, allow me to explain a little bit.

I don’t know if I was having a bad day or what but I was watching TV the other day and I saw a commercial for the humane society. The commercial was littered with images of animal neglect and abuse. It even threw in some video of meat factories and of a cow being forklifted around the warehouse, moments away from his/her death. I actually started balling. I immediately decided that I would become a active and paying member of PETA and the Humane Society. If this means I have to volunteer at the local shelter, so be it. Later that same day, my mom came up to Columbus to visit me. We went to Red Robin and went to see Avatar. Of course I had the veggie burger and at first I boycotted the movie. I thought, “how good can this movie be” and “I’m sick of James Cameron”.

I’m glad I went to see this movie. Not only was it beautifully done..it was one awesome story! It’s a classic story of natures beauty and power and resources battling human greed. What I got from the story is that we need to be a lot better to nature and to our fellow man. We need to understand that we’re all connected to this power from nature and in a way, it connects us all. If we stop being so greedy and stop destroying something so powerful as nature, nature will be a lot better to us. Of course I cried during this movie but more importantly, it inspired me to find ways to help and support the world around me. I challenge you all to do the same. 

Vegetarianism really has opened a new side of me. And who says people can’t change? :)

PS. No, I'm not a crybaby. This is the first time I've cried in a long time. I'm 90% of the time collected, in control, and evened-out. There are certain things that hit home with my passions, though. :P