Veggie men dealing w/ chastising "manly" coworkers
So I've recently started a new job 3 months ago, I'm working pretty closely with this team of 5 others on a project that will take most of the next 9 months. We do a lot of work w/ the military, just helping their building save energy, nothing to do with the violent aspect. I mention this b/c a lot of our staff are ex-military since the boss figures they could communicate well and understand the client. Which I agree with. Though couple of these guys are also fulfilling the stereo-typical manly American: republican, truck-driving, hunting, meat-eating, Nascar-watching, etc...
Me on the other hand: I got into this energy business b/c I'm an environmentalist, which is also one of the reasons I don't eat meat, I'm predominantly a pacifist (another reason I'm veggie), and of course I'm a vegetarian. So far I've gotten chastised for driving a Prius, which I've had for 8 years now (and we work in the energy efficiency department for god's sake), and of course being veggie seems like such an oddity to them. I don't really get why it's funny at any level of depth. I understand there's a stereo-type that eco-veggie dudes are pussies and shall be mocked for not being real men. But it's pretty lame, I feel like I'm in friggin middle school again and I'm getting peer pressure. I also have a genetic disease (CF) which I haven't come out about, but it also has given me a short skinny body that looks like I just graduated college (I'm nearlly 33 now). None of which is helping me in gain respect, kind of makes me feel like a kid, which I'm not digging.
This stereotype seems odd, considering when I stopped eating meat 9-10 years ago I had been in this pretty large social scene in Philly with lots of punk and hardcore kids going to these crazy underground shows, with a Huge population of veg*ns in it. It was like cool, people respected that you stood for something. Then again we probably all were social misfits who couldn't relate to typical society, and vice versa.
Anyway, this has been bugging me a lot recently and I'm not sure how make it stop without coming off as a dick, pussy or some kind of fun killer. Any of you guys dealt with this kind of situation successfully?
My advice: stop being a pacifist.
Car: I sure you regret all the money you're saving on gas each month by driving a fuel efficient vehicle. If only it had occurred to you to buy a truck when you were shopping for vehicles, because you definitely need all of that extra clearance to drive on maintained highways and streets. Or, if you hit someone because of your lack of visibility, at least there's a chance they could pass right under your truck. Those perks alone would be worth doubling or tripling the money you shell out for gas.
Food: They probably don't know that the green ones are called vege-ta'-bles.
Remember that pacifist does not mean pushover.. Stand your ground and make your coworkers realize that despite your differences, you can get along.
Some of this you need to just get used to. I mean, I'm pretty sure everyone on these boards is sick of people thinking we're a pack of misinformed, protein-deficient, dietary masochists.
Sorry I'm not a man (well not really), but I thought I'd throw my 2 cents in. Probably every last on of us has had similar problems. I live in the Midwest where people don't even know what a vegetarian is, let alone a vegan, and to make matters worse they aren't willing to learn. I understand what you are going throw. I may not get the manly teasing, but I sure get a lot of grief for raising my child vegan. They think I'm being neglectful or something. I'm surprised DCFS hasn't been by to investigate by now.
Anyway, it all comes down to the simple fact that a real man stands up for what is right regardless of what everyone else is doing. Asking them to explain how cowardly going along with what everyone else is doing is going to make you more of a man. Whether they want to admit it or not, everyone knows it is much easier to follow the crowd than to forge your own way.
The other thing that I have learned over the years is that most people that bring it up don't really want to discuss the issue. They don't want to learn anything new. They just want a fight. When I find myself in those types of conversations I just change the subject. If someone is genuinely interested, I will explain my reasons, but most are not. It all comes down to picking your battles.
Best of luck to you.
Fuck em... Be yourself... There will always be haters... You are doing the right thing and you know it so don't let them drag you down... Most people are ignorant knuckleheads when it comes to this... Stay strong and keep your chin up <3
Yeah, be yourself.
I get teased by men and women for being veggie. I also get teased for being an outspoken pacifist. I often get in discussions about killing varmints and bugs just because they are ugly or scary; being against any kind of violence (I think boxing is barbaric). I take bugs and spiders outside and release them or move them off the path so they don't get stepped on. I am opposed to corporal punishment - I've never spanked my kids. That just teaches children that violence is okay.
Being teased, admonished or chastised for demonstrating love, peace and compassion should not bother you (I keep telling myself). One cannot be compassionate and judgemental. Those that hurt us have a reason for behaving the way they do. Subtly spread the word of love, peace and compassion. You are just more conscious than most. Be proud of that.
I'd tell them to piss off. Your life & choices = none of their business.
I'd tell them to piss off. Your life & choices = none of their business.
This. As Ibarte said, they just want to argue and prove you wrong. Your life is not about them. They sure aren't going to make any changes in their lives to please you, so you aren't required to notice their chatter.
Look them in the eye and say quietly, "I'm not having this conversation." Or "We're not going to discuss this." And say no more.
Remember that pacifist does not mean pushover.
This.
Them being truck driving Republicans who like to hunt meat and watch Nascar should be irrelevant to how you get along with them. Otherwise, you're judging them the way they're judging you and that doesn't accomplish anything.
My co-worker is a pacifist and if someone is a complete ass to him he tries to understand their motivation or whatever touchy feely thing he does and forgive them and crap. That's a great approach if you forever want to be the outsider. Figure out how an effective way to respond that is comfortable for you as a pacifist, but definitely don't let it go.
I may sound like a total looser here and I totally agree with what everybody else says, but sometimes it is just easier to lie. What I typically say to people who question my, and my son's veganism is:
We don't like the taste of meat or eggs and we are both lactose intollerant so veganism just seems to fit. (actually for the most part this is the truth for my son and I)
If that doesn't work maybe say you have have a gastrointestinal issue that makes it difficult for you to digest animal protein.
I try to avoid arguing with people and maybe it is a cowards way out, but it makes life so much simpler then arguing with person after person after person after person the REAL reasons you don't eat meat. And having a medical excuse for your choices in life shuts people up about it real quick. But that is me, and you are not me, you are you.
But they're not really questioning vehicle and dietary/lifestyle choices. That's why directly addressing their comments is off-point. They're testing moxy in general. If it wasn't car/food, it'd be something else.
Thanks folks, lots of thought-provoking responses.
I thought about bending the truth medically, my disease does actually require me to take a handfull of pills everytime I eat b/c my pancreas doesn't release enzymes. So I could easily claim a veggie diet is much easier to digest for my enzyme capsules. Which in fact come from a pig (I know, I could never be vegan b/c I'd die without them), and pigs are vegetarian I'm pretty sure so there's some logic why I couldn't digest meat well.
I've been just letting the comments roll off, but it started bugging me some days more than others. I plan to say something not too confrontational next time it comes up and bugs me. I do think it's ridiculous that there's a set of lifestyle choices it's not masculine to partake in. Pointing out the republican, hunting, nascar, beer-guzzling stereotypes I don't think is irrelevant, I find it amusing how people find themselves falling into a stereotypical lifestyle preferences that go along with a certain mindset. The reason I point it out is b/c I think its an indicator of your values and beliefs, obviously there's going to be a bit more effort on my part relating to someone with a very different set of values and beliefs as me. I think I have to handle conversations a little more delicately and avoid bring up many topics of substance b/c it could turn into an ugly debate. Something I'd prefer not to have with coworkers. And I'm not sure if pointing out those traits is judging, I'm aware of several well-known stereotype molds that a lot of people fall into, as I get to know a person I think "huh, interesting how they fall into this stereotype", I didn't make any of those identifiers up. Though of course I do judge my lifestyle as more socially responsible than theirs, which I assume is something most veg*ns are guilty of from time to time.
Thanks Humboldt for the sarcastic logic about car driving. I'm tempted to go into another stereotype anecdote but I'll refrain
Ibarte: I agree these chastising events never actually turn into a conversation where I can apply my reasoning to my lifestyle choices, which I think are pretty sound. I like trying to live by my principals.
Thanks for the outlet and feedback folks.
I deal with the same thing..same jokes..etc.. It sucks even more when my best friends or family starts in on the teasing. I agree with what a lot of other people have already posted. Don't be afraid to stand up to them and make them feel small for the idiot choices they make by eating meat and/or understanding the world around them. I've found correcting people (when they come at you with shit they've heard from other idiots) is the best option. It stops people in their tracks. And if you can do that, people will respect you more.
I admit, I'm not an alpha male. I'm not physically strong guy nor am I guy who walks all over people..this is typical of alpha males and idiot fucks. Ya know, like the ones who steal your money when they say they wanna move in with you (sorry..I had some girl vent to me today). But I stand my ground, I fight for what I want, for what I believe, and on occassion..the girl I want. I take care of those things and those people which are important to me and so help me if someone or something tries to come in between to try to bring it all down. No thing or no one will stop me. I sure as hell won't let some dumbasses discredit my vegetarianism and neither should you! Get fired up, dammit! >:(
I mentioned it was irrelevant from a certain perspective. I think I'm a middle-of-the-road common sense person. My co-workers think I'm a far left liberal hippie. That's because they're ultra conservative engineers. They sound very much like the people you work with, except they hunt less. When I said it was irrelevant, I was thinking of how I relate to them. For the day-to-day stuff, we're doing similar work and their major concerns are the same as mine - caulking the house windows before winter, affording college for their kids (I don't have any kids, but for a while I was concerned with paying off my student loans), is the current variety of coffee we're brewing any good or should we try something else, what's the best route to avoid the camera intersection, I can deduct that on my taxes... Things got a little tense during the November 2009 election because I live in California and I opposed Prop 8, which banned same-sex marriage, and they all supported the ban. But we even got through that. I think, regardless of politics and lifestyle, we all go through similar day-to-day stuff and that's usually what everybody's preoccupied with. Not irrelevant in the sense that it doesn't matter at all, but in the sense that you probably have a lot of day-to-day similarities in common.
Disraeli said: Never complain, never explain. If you don't respond to the baiting, or give a bland, not-going-there response, the situation quickly dissipates. Don't defend your choices (you have nothing to "defend"), but don't play their game either. You know who you are. And when you know who you are, and are secure in that, a lot of outside stuff becomes less impacting.
"Don't defend your choices (you have nothing to "defend"), but don't play their game either. You know who you are. And when you know who you are, and are secure in that, a lot of outside stuff becomes less impacting."
Interesting comment. I agree to a point. Usually I listen to anyone and everyone. I feel that everyone has something to say and I should listen. Sometimes I get all those perspectives stuck in my head or I play thru every scenario in my head that I get trapped and I don't act or I don't "do". It's nice to be spontaneous and push back and to say you've had enough from those that question something as simple (yet highly-important) choice of vegetarianism.
Agree with Yabbit. One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard, and one which I constantly try and fail to take, is that it takes two to argue and you don't have to commit to a debate. It's perfectly okay to smile and say, "I think we both know where this conversation is going" without getting dragged in.
My long time vegan husband (who's 58, but looks like he's in his 40s) says, "My total cholesterol is 141. What's yours?"
I sort of have the ideal coworker situation, my coworker is vegan and my boss is pro-veg and eats mostly a vegan diet.
It does stink that we exclude ourselves from company events due to the choice of catered food, but we do not get harassed. There is always organic fruit at in the shop to eat...
I work at a John Deere dealership as a mechanic and have to put up with the hunter nascar crap. There are a lot of mountains around here and mountain biking and kayaking has built me up to be quite strong and the guys my age at work look 20 years older than me. We had one guy that died of a heart attack at the age of 34 so after that they seemed to understand a little more that's it about more than just being animal friendly.
It does stink that we exclude ourselves from company events due to the choice of catered food, but we do not get harassed. There is always organic fruit at in the shop to eat...
I don't have that option...our company events are mandatory to attend even holiday parties. This year they finally got me a "vegan" option which I couldn't eat due to all the garlic in it besides the fact that I couldn't tell for sure what it was. The thought was good though.
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