i think it is time for an intervention...
my dad and my brother need an intervention if they plan on living to see my children grow up. really, i am very upset right now - i don't want some strange man who is not my dad to walk me down the isle on my wedding day!
a couple days ago, my mom and i noticed that my bro was not eating dinner, so we asked dad where they had gone to lunch (bro and dad almost always have lunch together - bad idea) dad said they had gone to the roadhouse grill (health food if it ever existed, lol) bro had gotten the spicy buffalo wings and a large chicken sandwich. of course, he ate all of the (deep fried :P) buffalo appetizer himself, and washed the whole thing down with 7up. no wonder he was not hungry at dinner. of course, he came down a few hours later to eat. when he did, of course, he ate only chicken and no vegetables. :-[
last night, mom and i (cooking fiends that we are) made bro a healthy teriaki baked salmon fillet. (i know it's meat, and salmon are being overfished, but it is the only fish that he will eat) we also made a beautiful (BEAUTIFUL!) French onion soup - completely vegan, of course, and soooo yummy! well he ate the entire salmon fillet, and then dismissed the soup because "it has onions in it"
i almost wanted to slap him.
later on we went to the movies (family movie night, lol. i hate movie theaters, but i always go. i hope that i never see anyone that i know, but hey, blood is thicker than water ::)) well bro went to the movie snack line while we all found our seats. mom and i were hoping it would at least be a diet coke, but no such luck. bro came back with a LARGE popcorn (which he ate entirely on his own) and two bags of Reese's pieces. (one for him, one for dad)
AKKK i am at the end of my teather. i know dad tries to eat healthier, but sometimes he just ingests the most disgusting stuff, and he eats too much, also! bro just seems to be a bottomless pit, which he attempts to fill with all manners of unhealthy, disgusting, processed, deep fried junk! it drives me nuts!
this is really frustrating for my mom, also, because she works really hard (unlike many moms these days) to cook for them every night, and to make something healthy, etc., and then she ends up having so little control over their health and wellbeing. how can dinner make that big of a difference when dad and bro eat out for breakfast and lunch and then eat that kind of crap at the movies?
there needs to be an intervention of some kind, here. i need to do somethine, anything. i know that they will never give up meat just because i ask them to, but i think they should at least try to go (almost) vegetarian. the problem is, i am going to be alone in this mission. mom does her best to be a passive good influence, but she almost never comes right out to say things to them directly. this is going to be my job.
so i need to fight the good fight, and recruit mom's help if i can. but i need suggestions and ideas. i can't just go right into this on my own. HELP ME! it's going to be two large men versus one small (but strong) girl. i could use all the advise i could get!
thank you so much! :)
Well, I think if you try to preach to your dad and brother, I think they will be more likely to eat the bad stuff. I guess you can try by incorporating healthy foods into their diet, like instead of deep frying a breaded chicken cutlet, try baking it. Or start by taking a little bit of fat out of the diet a little bit at a time. As for eating out, your brother has to figure this out on his own. He's not going to change just because you say so, even though it is for his better health. I know it's hard to see your brother doing this to himself and wondering if he's going to wake up in the morning because he might just have a heart attack in his sleep. A person can only change if he/she wants to change. Good luck and I hope everything goes okay!
I say go sneaky.
If they only eat meat, make burgers with all sorts of very finely chopped veggies in it. Oh, and don't tell them you're doing it for their health (say it's for texture if you have to) and use lots of meat-associated sauces like barbeque sauce so the taste is still there.
It's like getting a dog to take a pill. Sometimes you have to hide in their favorite food.
mom and i were hoping it would at least be a diet coke, but no such luck.
Ack!! Diet Coke is even worse than regular Coke healthwise.
I agree sneaky is good.
Yes, dinner will make a difference even if they do eat other bad things away from home.
Also, if you made an onion soup (which sounds yummy BTW!) but your brother's not too keen onions, then of course he's not going to want any!
I don't know about your mom but if my son didn't eat dinner cuz he was too full from lunch at some place like that then there is no way he'd come down and eat something else later, especially if it was crap. Maybe your mom needs to lay down the law. I think you need to get your mom's help, preach to her if you're going to preach to anyone, convince HER not to cook them a "healthy option" but ONLY healthy.
and WE all know that the diet they are eating is horrible, but they sound like pretty average Americans to me. I think the level of stress it's causing you may be just as bad for you. You're doing a nice thing for them but don't get too upset over it. :)
Hmm...I really disagree with directly and maliciously influencing people to change their own beliefs, for YOUR own personal adgenda. It's like christians way back in the day converting Native Americans....
Clearly your dad wants to continue a bit with his poor eating habits.
Just take consolation in the fact that your dad IS trying. Also appreciate how much he supports you and your eating methods. He could act like a total jerk, rant on and on, and disown you for veganism. I think you should show him the same respect he shows you.
Maybe you're just having a bit of tunnel vision and you ONLY focus on the bad stuff he eats....
(This was in response to the whole "get sneaky" approach I hear all the time. That crap mortifies me)
i am not being malicious, and i have no intention of "converting" anybody. this is not politics, this is my family. i don't have any agenda except to help my brother and father. if they can become healthier on a omni diet than more power to 'em! in fact, that is probably the only way it will ever happen because i already know that neither of them would give up meat.
i think that my post was misinterpreted. i never comment about what other people eat, and i never consider myself morally superior for being a vegan - it's just a choice that i made and i think it was a good one. but that choice is not meant for everybody, and i know my bro and dad are not vegetarian material. i just think that my bro should eat more veggies, and both of them should eat less red meat.
in addition, i really am supportive - i try not to nag, but i encourage them to make healthy choices, and i always cook good things for them. when my dad and bro gave up red meat for lent (completely on their own, by the bye, i had nothing to do with their choice) i was jumping for joy and cooking chicken for them. in fact, i just served my bro some grilled turkey and a MOUNTAIN of veggies. that is the kind of compromise i want. i just want to convince them that they can be happier and healthier and eat their meat, too.
i would never use my family as a vehicle to push a personal agenda. i am not that shallow.
Men feel differently than women about food. I think for women, food is more of a healthy, nourishing, emotional experience, but when men eat they are just throwing food down the hatch. My brother is the same way, but i never say anything to him about his eating habits. I just make tons of yummy vegan food for him to eat whenever I get the chance and I make sure to always ask for his help and input while i'm cooking, so he feels like it's something he's created too. He eats tofu like a fiend now, and i can't bring tofutti cuties into the house anymore or his tall, skinny a** would eat them all in a day!
Not that tofutti cuties are healthy.. just an example.
aww... i love my brother..
So I say, if you can't win them with hard facts, win them with love!
(i imagine that would sound extremely corny in real life)
LOL!!!! Rachlove, I cracked up when I read your post:
So I say, if you can't win them with hard facts, win them with love!
(i imagine that would sound extremely corny in real life)
It's very true though!
i think that my post was misinterpreted. i never comment about what other people eat, and i never consider myself morally superior for being a vegan...i just think that my bro should eat more veggies, and both of them should eat less red meat.
It's alright to be concerned. Jane Kinderlehrer, author of the classic Confessions of a Sneaky Organic Cook (Or, How to Make Your Family Healthy When They're Not Looking!), has some good quotes about looking after the health of your family. I'm at my parents house for Easter; if I can find the book when I get home I'll include some bits of her wisdom. (The book isn't vegan, but it's on the right track.)
It sounds like you are on the right track. If they won't eat a salad, put the salad ingredients in food they will eat. The reality is - a diet high in burgers raises the chances of strokes, heart attacks, certain cancers... What they're eating is getting them by for now, but it will catch up with them and your wanting to include healthier food in their meals is okay. It's really nice to see you so concerned about the health of your family.
On the being "sneaky issue"...
I do totally agree with you Ashleykimball... I DO NOT think it's okay to sneak things in on people.
I think I posted something about this awhile back about making a pie for a friend and I wasn't sure if i should mention that there's tofu in it or not.... in that case we determined that we knew him well enough to know that he was not allergic to soy, that he didn't CARE what he ate as long as it tasted good, and it would be fine to do. I was worried though that I was a hypocrite, I wouldn't want someone sneaking chicken in on me.
Anyway, I think the big difference with Bobbi luvs Broccoli's situation is that #1 her brother is a child/teenager (I assume) and YES I DO "sneak" kale and spinach into my son's pasta sauce (I blend it up in the vitamix so he doesn't know what's in there) and I put flaxseed in his chocolate chip cookies... now my son is 2, but still. As his mother it's my job to make sure he is eating healthfully and I can only feed him what I am knowledgable about. If I was 'sneaking' food in on other people in the same manner I don't think it would be okay.
I do think Bobbi's mom should maybe figure out ways to 'sneak' or ... 'mask' healthy things into her son's food.... don't LIE about it though!! If you 'sneak" spinach in something be open about it if they ask. It should be the same as trying to cook a dish in a new way. I think that managing her chld's health is her mom's JOB. I'm not sure I could apply the same idea to her dad though... he is an adult after all and his health is his own responsibility. So it's a fine line where sneaking is sneaking... you know?
In any event, I think it's Bobbi's mom's job, not hers, to do this. If Bobbi want to encourage her mom then she should!
And sorry, but if she thinks diet soda is a healthier choice than regular soda she needs to educate herself on health issues before she helps anyone else.
(Don't mean to talk about you like you're not there Bobbi... it's just that i was addressing Ashley in the post. Below are some FAB books that might help you and your family, I wouldn't ask your dad and brother to read them but ask your mom to...and like I said before you seem very concerned and that's so sweet, but don't stress :) Good luck!
Sorry if my post seems kind of grouchy... MY son just 'painted' his diaper contents on the wall....so I'm kind of irked..... >:(.... ::))
Books: Eat to Live, Disease Proof Your Child, The China Study, The Great American Detox Diet, Diet for a New America, Skinny Bitch (this one is great but has alot of 'language' ;))
I say go sneaky... Oh, and don't tell them you're doing it for their health (say it's for texture if you have to)...
(This was in response to the whole "get sneaky" approach I hear all the time. That crap mortifies me)
On the being "sneaky issue"... I do totally agree with you Ashleykimball... I DO NOT think it's okay to sneak things in on people.
Um... huh... ? No where did I say lie about what they're eating and the "saying it's for texture" is so she doesn't sound like she's nagging. BLB never said they were opposed to eating healthy foods, it just sounds like they don't want to eat healthy food as a seperate dish. I'm surprised by your reactions. BLB - it's okay for you to love your family and care for their health.
Sorry, humboldt_honey I guess I should have mentioned that I wasn't talking about YOUR comment when I was posting about be sneaky or not being sneaky. Just the idea of sneaking stuff in, in general. (I'm pretty sure Ashley was talking about the idea of "sneaking" food in as well.)
It's been a topic on the boards in the past about whether it's okay to sneak tofu in on someone or not. Cuz like I said it wouldn't be okay for someone to sneak meat in on us... right? I have this fear of feeding some omni tofu "hidden" in a pie or a sauce who is allergic to soy.
My commenting was not directed at your comment more at that old sneaking topic, sorry if that wasn't clear! ;)
And I do advocate sneaking in certain situations where someone will eat "anything" anyway, or if they are your own kids.
But not when someone has told you they do not like tofu becuz they had it in a stirfry and you sneak it in on them in a dessert.
Does that make sense? I'm not articulating it well...
::)
Oooooh... That's what I get for only finding this site recently. I also missed a really good thread on kitty litter.
In that case, I agree with you both about nondisclosure.
I'm not necessarily disagreeing with you, jenniferhughes, about the whole 'sneaking' issue, but i am not sure if you can really compare tofu with chicken.
after all, vegetarians do not eat chicken because of moral/ethical/health reasons - it's a very personal and important choice in life, and it is really important for other people to understand and respect.
but no one makes that kind of choice about tofu. people choose not to eat tofu because they had it once or twice and did not like it, or maybe they think it looks gross. no one is trying to save the wholesome soy bean from cruelty. i don't think most people feel pangs of guilt or remorse when they see edamame.
there are people allergic to soy - that should definitely be respected.
i really hear where you are coming from, though, and i don't think sneaking stuff like tofu into their diets is the best choice. i feel like this is not really my job anyway, but i feel like no one else is doing anything about it. thank you for everyone's comments!
vegetarians do not eat chicken because of moral/ethical/health reasons - it's a very personal and important choice in life, and it is really important for other people to understand and respect.
Actually, no, that's not true.
The entire time I was a vegetarian, about 7 years? (and I'm sure there are other people on this board) was simply becuz I did not LIKE meat. Especially ground meat. I didn't like the texture. Would that make it okay for someone to sneak it in on me, simply because I wasn't morally opposed to it?
Many people on the boards mentioned that they were surprised at learning other people's reason's for being veg*n.
For example animal rights are NOT of utmost priority to me. The more I read, the more I am sympathetic to the cause but it is not reason enough alone for me to be vegan. I, myself, was surprised when I came to vegweb to find out there were other people who felt the same way (and that there weren't people who thought I wasn't a "real vegan"!) I thought I was the only one. Anyhow, all I'm saying is you can compare any food with any food. If someone's choice is based on a moral stand it shouldn't deserve more adherence than someone who truly doesn't care for something.
I wasn't assuming you'd sneak tofu in anyway. ;) heehee
Maybe you and your mom could take your weekly meal plan and tweak it a little to have some more healthy stuff especially if you know your dad and bro are eating out that day for lunch. A good idea might be some all-in-one healthy dishes. (All-in-one dishes make it less likely for someone to not eat the side dish of healthy stuff) Like stirfrys, or a healthy casserole (leave the onions out for your bro ;)) That might work.
Men feel differently than women about food. I think for women, food is more of a healthy, nourishing, emotional experience, but when men eat they are just throwing food down the hatch. My brother is the same way, but i never say anything to him about his eating habits. I just make tons of yummy vegan food for him to eat whenever I get the chance and I make sure to always ask for his help and input while i'm cooking, so he feels like it's something he's created too. He eats tofu like a fiend now, and i can't bring tofutti cuties into the house anymore or his tall, skinny a** would eat them all in a day!
Not that tofutti cuties are healthy.. just an example.
aww... i love my brother..
So I say, if you can't win them with hard facts, win them with love!
(i imagine that would sound extremely corny in real life)
I agree with the idea that men and women eat differently. My brother will eat anythign you put in front of him no matter what it is or what time of day it is. He had pork chops for breakfast the other morning becuase they were left overs in the frigde haha! I also disagree with the "being sneaky". I understand your concern though, however, I think that all you can do is switch out the deep fried stuff and put in place the good stuff. DON'T give them the "option" to be healthy, give them healthy. And I definately think enlisting your mom is a step in the right direction.
good luck :)