Housewifery/husband/SAHM/career stuff/wtf.ever
Posted by Allychristine on Jul 13, 2010 · Member since Dec 2007 · 15438 posts
Continue discussion!
I shall comment in a bit.
The World's Largest Collection of Vegetarian Recipes
Continue discussion!
I shall comment in a bit.
where did it start?
oops my bad.
l2a: the last couple of pages of aimless chitchat.
ok, i see. will post later. i have opinions on this! :)
AC, shouldn't that be housewifery?
There should be a "Househusbandry" part to this.
haha, we're all being totally unhelpful. It's awesome.
also: welcome back AC!
I like the fact that everyone is being quite unhelpful though!
In my perfect world both parties in a partnership would be working in fields they love (or at least like). Each one making enough money that it makes sense for both of them to be working. Obviously if one of the paychecks didn't (or barely) cover daycare costs then it would be silly for both parties to work.
My viewpoint comes from my upbringing though. My parents were married for almost 22 years (when my Mom was just 18 or 19). Needless to say, she was a stay-at-home Mom with nothing more than a high school education and only a few years of work experience. When they divorced she was really up a creek. I swore that that would never be me. Which is probably the reason I thought I would never get married let alone have a kid (someday).
sometimes when i feel inundated with work i think it would be cool to be well off enough to do the whole housewife/SAHM thing. But then I basically only do housework in the summer, and while it's cool initially, I get frustrated from not having work to do (yet no desire to do it...).
On the other hand, I think if I was successful enough and we wanted to have kids, it would be 100% cool if the SO was stay at home...
... you know, so long as he actually did housework -_-
After I left the PhD program in Montana, I felt destined to be a housewife/SAHM. I was sure about it, but P was 'worried' that I wouldn't feel satisfied, and he wanted me to have something to fall back on in case something happened.
After we moved back, and I couldn't find a good job, I just stayed home. It might be different if I didn't feel like I needed a job for more income, but I'm ready for something different. It's nice to have free time to do whatever, and have everything super clean all the time, but I don't think it's good for my personality. I'm a perfectionist by nature (or nurture? whichever), so it's been easy to get caught up in stupid shit that doesn't matter. "Well, I'm not doing anything else, so all this cooking and cleaning needs to be perfect." I just don't like feeling so dependent, either. I mean, P has always been totally supportive, and appreciates me for all that I do, but there's not THAT much to do for me to contribute. I've learned to clean pretty quickly, and I don't like spending hours on cooking one thing, so....
It might also be different if I currently lived in a place with a nicer climate, but I have enjoyed a few good months of outdoor time.
Anyway, I guess I've decided that I just don't need to stay at home all the time. I've lived it for a bit, and enjoyed it, but I guess I need a bit more. I would like a good balance of making some money, but still having good free time to use extra money on good things. I definitely have learned that "too much of a good thing" can be true. Things are so much more special when they are "treats."
Live and learn!
Now, if we do have kids, I think there will most probably be one person staying at home for at least a few years. I'm not a big fan of daycare.
word. there's always the option (if financially feasible) of doing part-time. I know people in the health professions who just do "relief work" for private practitioners, often times moms.
Where I am right now, I think I'd like full-time work so long as I don't have to bring my work home with me (as in *only* 40ish hours per week). Though I long for vacation time, I honestly get more house/etc stuff done when I'm busy with work/school.
I guess that preference might change if we have kids some day, but that's a some day thing.
Now, if we do have kids, I think there will most probably be one person staying at home for at least a few years. I'm not a big fan of daycare.
I don't think anyone really is. You're paying someone else to raise your kid(s).
::EDIT:: Since daycare is pretty expensive anyway I'd probably want to just shell out a little more cash during the kid's first 2-3 years for a nanny.
i went to daycare from age 2-4 (my mom started going back to work), I loved it. I'd probably be even more shy of a person without it. That and my mom was crazy.
Of course, one could always go to the park and stuff for socializing, but whatever...
But then again, I don't want to stay at home. At least not right now in my life. Even if I do decide to do that in the future I most likely will not be able to do to whether or not I'm on a current enlistment.
I want to retire out of the CG when I'm 43. DH will be retired at 39. Then I'd like to move near my sister and go into a small business venture with her. :) Who knows at what point we'll actually have a kid. I guess that depends on who will end up the primary care giver and at what point...
I'm a SAHM to one 14 month old daughter. Before her, I had various jobs, and alot of school (2 BS degrees). It took me a few years to figure out that what I really wanted was to stay at home, but I'm glad I figured it out. In highschool, I thought there was no way I'd ever be a SAHM, and there were a lot of expectations for me to go far career-wise (I graduated valedictorian - one of 17 - of my highschool class of over 1000 - only telling you this for you to know that there was a lot of pressure on me to do "great things"). Basically, I just didn't want to do any more school and everything I was even remotely interested in doing needed more school. I wanted to start my life, have kids, before I was 30 and that just wasn't possible in the academic world I was in.
Anyway, I love being a SAHM, but it is not easy at all. I'd say it is the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm really trying my best to make my daughter's childhood as enriched and joyful as possible. We don't have TV or battery-operated toys - everything is about the time she spends with other people. During the majority of her day, that is me and only me. I'll say that for me it can actually be quite lonely. It's hard to keep up a chatter (talking to your toddler as much as possible is probably the best thing you can do for their brain) with someone who is so limited in what they can say back. So we do art, we read, we cook, we go to the park, and to playdates, and to storytimes, and to some toddler classes, she "helps" me clean up the house (though the house cleaning comes second to spending time with her - so I'll admit it is usually pretty cluttered most of the time). We get out of the house to see other people at least once/day. We've even started doing some baby yoga out of a book I checked out from the library. I try to do structured activities and also lots of free playtime. The structured activities take some research and prep work but it is fun - I'm doing lots of little artsy things that I haven't done since elementary school!
I feel fortunate that my husband makes enough for us to pay for house/save for college/save for retirement. We don't spend hardly any money on anything else to afford it.
We've talked about my husband being a SAHD when our daughter is a teenager (I think it is important to have a parent close at hand at that age - just to talk and be a part of the kid's daily life), if we've saved enough he might be able to retire then without me getting a job(!), or I can get a job (hopefully - I'd only need to make 30% of what he is making now to have his pre-retirement income, even less if we consider what's in our IRAs - we contribute to both his and mine- but can't withdraw that until we're in our 60s).
yeah, despite all the things I've already said on this topic, I really don't know, because I've had so little opportunity to stay home/not work that I really can't say how I'd like it.
I do definitely love to be busy, but I love love love the small amount of time I get at home doing housework and cooking and baking. Also, at the moment, I hate my job, so I think having a more fulfilling work day would change my opinion substantially...
I want to retire out of the CG when I'm 43. DH will be retired at 39. Then I'd like to move near my sister and go into a small business venture with her.
this level of forward thinking frightens me! you're amazing!
I'm a perfectionist by nature (or nurture? whichever), so it's been easy to get caught up in stupid shit that doesn't matter. "Well, I'm not doing anything else, so all this cooking and cleaning needs to be perfect." I just don't like feeling so dependent, either. I mean, P has always been totally supportive, and appreciates me for all that I do, but there's not THAT much to do for me to contribute.
yeah, I can definitely get a bit OCD on things at the moment, which I can only see getting worse with more time on my hands, and I hate hate hate hate being dependent on anyone for anything. Help, money, directions, I gotta do it myself!
That being said, we really do think of ourselves as a 'unit' and I think, if he were ever to get to the position where he was earning enough to make it a possibility, I'd be ok with having most/all of our income coming from my husband.
oww~
That is only 14 years away for me (and 11 years away for DH). Ideally when DH retires we'd like to be living in the area where we want to retire to (own property) that way we're ahead of the game as far as mortgage payments and such go.
well... it would be 15 years away for me, and at that point I imagine I'll have another 25 years of working to go yet! But if you guys can do it, that's amazing and really awesome for you!
I'm way too young to be considering housewifery, but I would just like to take this moment to say that I love the word "housewifery"
well... it would be 15 years away for me, and at that point I imagine I'll have another 25 years of working to go yet! But if you guys can do it, that's amazing and really awesome for you!
Well, most likely DH will do something else that he enjoys for another 20 years or so. Two pensions are better than one!! :) He may or may not take a little time off between gigs though. Who knows! And I plan on still working just as a civilian.
when you say pension, do you mean you'll get paid like a superannuation even if you stop working when you're in your early 40s?!
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