So...for those that like descriptiveness...

This was written for another website oooh so long ago.  I have edited it a bit, but to give you an idea, we were all discussing farts and poo that week, sorta like here this week.  I was challenged to write this without using the word "fart."

Fart in the Box from September 2000

This week has been totally scatalogical. I had no idea how anal retentive you all are. I had no idea how many held in so much. I have no doubt that for many of us, we are like homing pigeons...I will break wind on my own turf only and by the way, I have to have MY OWN bathroom and MY OWN toilet paper to do what comes next.

Speaking of toilet tissue, I had no idea what a touchy subject that would be. We must have sensitive private parts and we will even post our own names when we talk about our privates and discuss other's private parts...how private is that? What would your mother say?

Speaking of cracks...poor LaLa ( a friend) cracked her blue mud mask. It is okay LaLa, we are all pretty cracked when you get right down to it. That a group of otherwise wise, intelligent, hard working women (and then there's Phil) would spend the best part of a week discussing our gaseous anomalies...well it was all so much hot air, wasn't it?

So why do we all laugh so hard at the silent, but deadly? Cause we are home typing and the odor is elsewhere? Or is it just that we all like to "share".

I swear, I will never lean to one side in my chair and cut a loud one without thinking of all of you.

While we discussed grannie pannies flapping in the malodorous wind...my kitten sat in my lap and had herself a little pootie party...freep! went the kitten. pfffum! went the kitten. I thought I was laughing till I cried, but those tears were from her effervesence. I am thinking of renaming her for the Egyptian pharoah.....Tootincommon.

We need to welcome the newbies this week.  I am sure they have no idea what they happened into here. Well, we are all just a bunch of rootin' tootin' little cowgirls here.

Pass gas, freep, crepitate, flatulate, break wind, pootie, popping panties, blowing out boxers, flappin the crack, cowboy bubblebath, cut the cheese, spitting at Ralph over the big white telephone, what crawled up your backside and died, whoa how can that come from the living? In the words of The Brain: It's true Pinkie, Uranus is gaseous.

Please, someone air out the room, somebody....fff somebody cut one.

I have a great story from when I worked at a Law School.  A student I was friends with worked for a law firm at night and went to school during the day.  One day he had to go to a trial for some reason or other and ended up falling asleep while the judge was making a pronouncement.  He woke up to the noise of a loud fart that had escaped his own butt.  Everyone in the courtroom turned to look at him, and his boss who was sitting next to him had to get up and leave because of the smell (omni).  The judge ended up having to restore order with his gavel because people were laughing so hard.

Ahahahahaaaa, this is awesome!  :D

My father was crude, rude, and embarassing to know. Aside from being morbidly obese before this was the national crisis it now is, whenever he felt the need to release inner pressure in the sanctity (yeah right) of his own home, he would actually LIFT HIS LEG and sort of lean sideways!! I was always afraid he would make an unexpected deposit.
Now you know why I left the country.

Apparently in Eton and other swanky English boarding schools, a guff is a fart. To guff, to fart.

This is true! One of the guys in my Dutch language class last year hated the word 'fart' and used to say 'pump' instead, as in "I had beans for dinner last night and now I can't stop pumping!" Frankly, I think it sounds worse.

My boyfriend is a complete gent (mostly) about farting and will generally try and do it out of the room, but on the rare occasion that I do crack one off, I can't help but laugh as he tries to hide inside his shirt to escape it. I'm so childish.

I love all the doggie stories!  It makes me miss my doggie at my parents house.  She doesnt give a s*** about farting!  Maybe she picked it up from us.  She'll lay down right in front of us and fart so loudly, then just get up and walk away.  haha.  Or she'll be laying down in the next room and we'll hear a really loud fart, then a couple minutes later smell it.  She is one stinky girl.

I don't know if this only applies to me but... Whenever I'm in a quiet place like a library or mebbe a supermarket, and I think there's nobody around - if I let one go, someone always turns up within seconds!! forcing me to flee.  :o

Works like clockwork. It's Murphy's Law.  >:( ;D

EXACTLY. It's like people have fart-sensors and secretly WANT to smell it. And I was still looking at the applesauce too...

What's SBD stand for? I feel like this must be a term I need to use.

AND yeah, sometimes what smells like death/poop is actually someone's breath. I noticed that omnis, in fact, are the only perpetrators of poop breath, and by survey (don't ask), they always have had something "American" for breakfast (sausage, bacon, or eggs, or whatever).

I've noticed that it happens more on the trains in the Bronx...once they hit Manhattan, people are a little less stinky for some reason.
The 2 and 5 trains are the worst for farters...