I'm Done
I’m Done
Of all the many lessons I’ve learned in my life, not trusting anyone seems to be one that sticks out the most. Why? Probably because it seems to be the one I’m reminded of on a daily basis.
I’m a loyal guy. I will stick by certain people thru anything and everything. I say certain people because I’ve learned that a lot of people aren’t worth my time. I know there are a lot of people who end up leaving or staying for a while but either way, they’ll end up hurting me. There are also the ones that are purely disposable. You know what I’m talking about - the ones that you meet and move on.
There are even the ones you don’t want to get rid of. The ones who come into your life and you know they’re special. Something about them says to you - “I can trust this person” or “this person is going to have a huge impact on my life” or “I wish more people were like this person” or someone who stands in the rain with an umbrella, waiting...metaphorically speaking…
Then of course you have the ones who you meet, they take advantage of you, and you let them back inside. What about the people who you let in and they get close to your core, they know everything about you and your past and because you’re uncomfortable with them being loyal you push them out? And you push them out because you’re scared they’ll hurt you like everyone else?
I’ve luckily (or unfortunately) met a lot of these different types of people.
Over the years, however, I’ve been building up a thick enough wall to keep people bouncing off me. Sometimes people run into the wall and go splat. It’s a nice defense mechanism and I highly recommend it to all of you.
Yeah, I know your argument - I’m going to lose out on the good people who should be in my life or I’m going to become a cold and lonely person. To be honest, those are the risks I’m willing to take. Every time I step out into the world, I get beat-down and I’m sick of being beaten down, so I’m done with taking the risk.
What say you? ???
I think it's still possible to maintain loving relationships with people and NOT get beat-down and hurt. I think it's partially a matter of changing perspective. Part of which is letting the world revolve around US a little less. Every single person has a different attitude, worldview, morals, actions they find appropriate, willpower, etc. etc. etc. I think the more we can look at actions people take as being THEM and the way we react as being US, the happier we can be with anything. The only thing we can control is our own thoughts and actions, we have no ability to or business trying to control other people. When we can just accept people for who they are and deal with the things they say or do by looking inside of ourselves to see why something hurt us, I think we can have the most beneficial relationships. And at the same time we need to not measure everything someone else does by our standards/worldview. Everyone comes from a different place, and I think the sooner we can accept that the sooner we can accept more/most people. I don't think it's something that's easy to do. Nor does this mean that everyone is worth your time.
That all being said, I am a big advocate of not spending time with people who suck, in any of the many ways they can.
hmm... perhaps this did not answer your question.
DEAR LIVEJOURNAL,
DEAR LIVEJOURNAL,
Thanks.
Now I'm thinking about the emo song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibsv1qrHGVE
I say stand tall and reach high, if you dont fail you'll never succeed.
“Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be”
Interesting feedback...
I checked-out the emo song. Even though I'm not emo, I thought the song was funny. I've got too much hate and anger coupled with a don't-give-a-fuck mentality to be emo. >:D And by that I mean, I'm doing things my way, regardless of what people say or do. I've always done what I thought was the best way of doing it. I've taken and I'll continue to take responsibilty for my own decisions. That's another thing that makes me the kick-ass person I am today.
Sadly, though, I take on way too much shit than I should. I don't ever do it to control things or people. I just try too hard to help. And it stings and burns and cuts when people leave. This is why I've built up this wall around me. Too many people have come and gone in my life and I'd rather just deal with it on my own and say fuck everyone else.
Now, if you excuse me, I have to try on these new pants I bought from the women's section at Target. OMG girlfriend! ;)
DEAR LIVEJOURNAL,
Thanks.
Now I'm thinking about the emo song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibsv1qrHGVE
OMG I HAVEN'T HEARD THAT IN YEARS bahahahaha
Be more of a martyr, why don't you?
Yeah I'm kind of the same way, it pisses me off that I would be there unconditionally for my friends and family but when push came to shove I saw that they wouldn't do the same for me. There are certain people I still talk to but deep down don't really care about anymore.
I've learned to try to be happy by myself because at the end of the day you're the only one you can count on.
Catski -
I don't know if your comment was meant for me. I thought it was an interesting one.
It's interesting you said what you said because it reminded me of a time in my life where I actually believed my duty (my "calling") was to be a martyr for the people in my life. I used to think people should take out their frustrations or sadness or whatevers out on me.
My hope was that people would get out everything negative out on me and maybe this would make them happy and maybe if they were happy, they'd love me or at least care for me. I used to think I should (somehow) take ownership of other's problems. I thought that if I took problems away from people and put it on my plate, this would make these same people happier and make them love me or care for me.
Messed-up? You betcha.
Of course, i've since learned that people need to take ownership of their own situations. Just as i should take ownership of my own. I'm still practicing this new mindset because i still want to run in to save the day. Running in to save the day makes me seem obsessive or controlling but it definitely wears me out and leaves me with no love at all and sometimes stuck in the pile of shit i let people throw on me. I know that I'm not obsessive or whatever..unless you're talking about Nine Inch Nails (I'm psycho about NIN)..
But!
I definitely agree with Supadupabee, I gotta love myself because people aren't that dependable. I've got to be good to myself and stick to what I want to do...which...right now is focusing on my music, my poetry, my vegerarianism/veganism, finishing school, and whatever causes i want to start a riot for. :)
I don't bitch and moan nor do I look for pity when it comes to my self-sacrifice (martyr) because I know that the shit I've been fed and the shit I've dealt with has made me the man I am today. I'm not a pussy (like the emo song mentions). I'm not a 35 or 40 or 45 or 50 year old who is unhappy with their life who refuses to grow up. I'm learning every day. I'm learning of what I want and fuck the consequences because I can stand up to the consequences. And who knows, maybe I'll learn something new along the way. No matter what, though, I'm A fucking awesome guy and I will be continue to be above all this shit floating around.
Listen to "The Lover's Cross" by Jim Croce.
Great song Yabbit.
I say put on your big boy (or girl if buying from Target) panties and deal with it.
Some people are great.
Some people suck.
Everyone meets some of each, and everyone deals with them in his or her own way.
Try to be one of the great ones.
Don't be one of those who suck.
Stick with the great ones (pssstt...sometimes they come with fur instead of hair)
Run from those who suck.
'Nuff said.
*applause to Bovina*
Life's too short to hold resentment. Learning to let go is just a part of learning to live and interact in the world.