Im an evil, cheating, hypocritical vegan
:'( I am really upset right now. I keep "slipping up" and eating things with animal product in it. It started Friday with a huge binge on chocolate covered strawberries at one of my jobs- Edible Arrangements. I was like crying shoving strawberries into my mouth, willing myself to stop. I was litterally out of control. My mind was shouting "no, put that down! Animals were harmed in the making of that food! Think of the cow, and her 3-4 babies that she had before her mericless slaying. Think of the babies that were tortured and killed! Stop it. Please stop..." I was crying so hard I was chocking on them, but I still kept eating them. It was like my body was on autopilot... I thought maybe I had that experience because I hadn't been eating enough, so I went to taco bell and ordered a bean burrito. But tehy put cheese and sour cream on it- instead of "no cheese, no sour cream" SO I went back and told them NO cheese NO sour cream and made them give me another one. I felt I should have jsut eaten in anyways becasue I had already dairy, but I still dont want to eat dairy...So they made one for me without the sour cream and cheese but (the idiots) substituted ANIMAL FLESH for beans. So I gave up and gave the burritos to my sister.
Then, last night and this morning I worked at my nursing home job, where I have to prepare nonveg foods. And all night I was craving Butter so badly. I don't even like butter! So I was downing pieces of toast smothered in butter. I was also craving potato chips, (another food I do not like) so I was eating tons of those, but at least they are vegan...
Every time I slip up and eat this stuff I cry and swear to myself that I wont do it again. I remind myself of why I became vegan in the first place (after just being vegetarian for 8+ years I went vegan for animal rights) I know giving up eggs and dairy has been pretty tough cause I relied so heavily on them before I was vegan. I like them, but I NEVER like meat...it was the most unnatural thing in the world to me. I love being vegan. I don't believe my body NEEDS eggs or dairy. In fact, having been vegan, I have been able to figure out I have been pretty allergic to dairy all these years. Whenever I slip up I pay for it...and not just a stomach lactose intolerance, there is also the insomnia, moodiness, and body aches...
Guys, I need to figure out how to STOP eating this stuff. Please help! Ive tried keeping cliff bars on hand for when I get hungry but that hasn't worked so far.I have thought about keeping graphic pictures in my pocket of what happened to make my butter, to the animals, but I think I might just terrorize myself with that. Considering what happened on Friday with the strawberries. :'( :-X :'( :-X :'(
:'( :'( :'(
crying while shoving strawberries in your mouth?! sorry if I don't join the hugfest here, but I think you seem like a drama queen.
Sorry but I need to step in here. WTF is wrong with you habanero? I've been lurking on this board for a while and after reading your post felt I needed to fianlly open up my mouth. You are a rude bitch and if you were the last girl on earth and i was the last guy, eventually there would be no more humans. the very thought of you just killed my morning woody!
Kindness, people, kindness.
I have to agree with most folks--this binging might have something to do with your ED, but it also sounds like the growing pains of someone who is going vegan. Remember, it's not about being perfect. For me, being vegan is part of my life philosophy, but not to the point where I live mired in guilt and self-loathing. We need to remember to have compassion not only for animals, but also for each other and, perhaps most importantly, for ourselves.
On a side note, it also sounds like you might feel a little deprived with your new vegan lifestyle. Maybe try cooking up some good vegan treats and indulging a little at home--this might allieviate some of the temptation to binge on stuff you're really not all that crazy about anyway.
crying while shoving strawberries in your mouth?! sorry if I don't join the hugfest here, but I think you seem like a drama queen.
Sorry but I need to step in here. WTF is wrong with you habanero? I've been lurking on this board for a while and after reading your post felt I needed to fianlly open up my mouth. You are a rude bitch and if you were the last girl on earth and i was the last guy, eventually there would be no more humans. the very thought of you just killed my morning woody!
"rude bitch?" first of all, I voiced my opinion without using offensive language. second, if you were the last guy on earth and you did me 3 times a day, there would still be no more humans as I am a guy-idiot! Think before you post and keep your woodies to yourself.
sorry, but someone had to say this.
:'(
I think if that's how you felt about her comments, silence would have been better. There's no reason to "beat up on" someone else.
It doesn't help anyone, and it isn't in the veg*n spirit, which respects and is kind to all living creatures- including humans.
I don't think I beat up on her. Other than using the term "drama queen", which I still feel sounds accurate. She was much more hurtful to herself. Maybe I am showing her more respect than you people are by telling her she has the power to be vegan. Silence would have prevented her from hearing the opinion that it was up to her to be vegan-others can't magically make you vegan, you must do it yourself. I didn't sign a "code of ethics" on how to treat people when becoming vegan, besides, but I don't think what I said was mean-I just disagreed with everyone else (i guess veganism allows for no difference in opinion). If she doesn't like what I said, well, she has 20 other people ready to give her a hug, and she can tell me where to get off.
"rude bitch?" first of all, I voiced my opinion without using offensive language. second, if you were the last guy on earth and you did me 3 times a day, there would still be no more humans as I am a guy-idiot! Think before you post and keep your woodies to yourself.
That SO turns me on! You are a guy! I've never gone that way before! But I am willing to let you teach me if you play nice! How big is it? It is considered vegan to swallow is it not?! Don't be shy. just at lesat let me touch it for you. you big hot *spicy" man hunk you!
crying while shoving strawberries in your mouth?! sorry if I don't join the hugfest here, but I think you seem like a drama queen.
Sorry but I need to step in here. WTF is wrong with you habanero? I've been lurking on this board for a while and after reading your post felt I needed to fianlly open up my mouth. You are a rude bitch and if you were the last girl on earth and i was the last guy, eventually there would be no more humans. the very thought of you just killed my morning woody!
"rude bitch?" first of all, I voiced my opinion without using offensive language. second, if you were the last guy on earth and you did me 3 times a day, there would still be no more humans as I am a guy-idiot! Think before you post and keep your woodies to yourself.
Okay, Habby, here I am in this post to criticize you. LOL. ;D
You sound like a bitch, since you are doing a lot of bitching. You called Zealia a drama queen. I would call that offensive. Freedom of speech, baby. It's cool, say what you want, but don't go on the pretense that you're not insulting someone and not being offensive.
Apart from the fact that you insulted Zealia, this is all very funny to me. Morning woody! CV1 rules. Can I get your phone number?
Habanero, I think you're just a little too much of a "hothead" for us here on Vegweb...
Shaolin, dumbass, go back to the previous thread and you will find that I wasn't addressing you at all. Apparently, YOU are too much of a hothead, and jumped to conclusions and ran over here to rip me. By the way, very nice that you support sexual harassment of forum members-but I'm the devil cause I called someone a drama queen? Nice.
"rude bitch?" first of all, I voiced my opinion without using offensive language. second, if you were the last guy on earth and you did me 3 times a day, there would still be no more humans as I am a guy-idiot! Think before you post and keep your woodies to yourself.
That SO turns me on! You are a guy! I've never gone that way before! But I am willing to let you teach me if you play nice! How big is it? It is considered vegan to swallow is it not?! Don't be shy. just at lesat let me touch it for you. you big hot *spicy" man hunk you!
yes, calling someone a drama queen is patently offensive, while sexual harassment is tolerated and even applauded. Nice comforting society here.
Shaolin, dumbass, go back to the previous thread and you will find that I wasn't addressing you at all. Apparently, YOU are too much of a hothead, and jumped to conclusions and ran over here to rip me. By the way, very nice that you support sexual harassment of forum members-but I'm the devil cause I called someone a drama queen? Nice.
I love you, too, Habby. LOL!
But I love CV1 better! He's far sexier. Sorry. ;D
Okay folks. I'd love to stay for the rest of the show. But I got some stuff to do today.
I can't wait to come back later to read the responses!
Seacrest OUT!
Ive given this some more though you know, I guess it probally is a little bit of everything. I mean, Ive really not been eating enough lately, and I mostly doing this by AVOIDING food all together. So, I pretty much set myself up for problems. If I had elected to eat like I know I'm supposed to- I probally could have avoided the binges all together and thus avoided the animal ingredients. :-\
I have a really hard time judging how hard I am being on myself. In my head; my reaction didn't seem so inappropriate. But then, when Habanero said it, I got totally pissed because it sounded damn mean. So I guess I was being mean to myself too. If anyone of you had come on the board and something similar I would say something supportive about how it was a mistake in a continuum of growth or something like that. I don't know why its so hard to say those things to myself though. Thank you all for your support.
I have a support group to go to tonight for my eating disorder...I tried OA but this is a differant sort of program based more on the DBT method than the 12 steps (which I have nothing against) There is supposed to be a dietitian speaking tonight and maybe she will be of some assistance to me. I might also consider talking to my therapist again (trying to decide if its worth teh frustration of her trying to convince me that my problem is stemming from my vegan diet). Its not just those binges, Ive also been not doing to well otherwise. I'm just am soooooooooooo sick of relapsing. Its like admitting I am all over again. again, again...you know. I think I also have had impaired judgment because of working so much. I work two full time jobs and then I come home and have a housefull of dogs and chickens to take care or and clean up after. I hardly ever have time to just sit and just ...be...just be. i swear I don't mean to bitch, but life can seem pretty crappy sometimes and I guess the easiest way I have found to deal with it is to use my eating disorder.....but if that leads to this...you know...not worth it.
baa... :P
(((Zealia)))
I'm happy you have a support group. It sounds like you're over-extended. If you're not eating right and you're getting migranes and you're working two full time jobs and your neighbor calls the city if you don't pick up your dog waste in your own backyard (that was you, right?), then you're wearing yourself out. I can't remember if you ever said why you became vegan. If it was more moral/ethical reasons I'm not sure it will work, but if it's for health reasons, have you thought about becoming a lacto while you get back on track and healthy? It's not that you can't get healthy vegan-style, but there are more on-the-go food options with dairy if you're on a tight schedule. I'm happy to see that you are not beating yourself up as much now. The tricky thing about self-flaggelation is that if you concentrate on how you failed it distracts you from having to examine why you failed (if you even really did). It's a trick our bodies and minds play on us, although I don't know why because we're supposed to be on the same side. You're a completely awesome person.
habanero, I think one of the reasons most of us here on the Q&A board don't mind so many NVR threads is that many of us feel out of the mainstream, misunderstood, and tired of defending our veg*nism to people who are not veg*an.
This has become a supportive community for those of us who feel so unsupported by "normal" society. In many cases we are also alternative thinkers and have alternative lifestyles that are not always supported in the mainstream either. VegWeb has become a safe haven for us--and we want to support those who support us in return.
The NVR threads help us get to know each other better because those of us who visit the Q&A regularly consider ourselves friends. We don't come here merely to find answers to food questions and recipes to nourish our bodies; we come here to nourish our spirits as well.
Still, we love to have newcomers join us and hope that if you don't enjoy the NVR threads that you will still be able to find interesting and helpful food information and that you will also have some good info and/or recipes for us.
Hi Zealia...I was going to write a little something yesterday, but din't get the chance. I just wanted to say first off that I am glad you are feeling a bit better about things today. You know, we are all human and we all make mistakes. It's O.K. Be gentle with yourself and know that you are not alone. I'm glad you have a support group and that you feel comfortable enough to share your feelings with everyone here too. Take things one day at a time. Sometimes life can be kinda crappy, but hang in there and take comfort in the fact that you have loads of friends here who are willing to give you hugs and all the support you need. Take care. :)
Just to add my two cents in. Habanaro just stated his opinion he is entitled to it. He's just being a big ruff and tuff guy all guys are like that there's nothing wrong with that. I'm sure all men think most women are drama queens. (Just to add I'm a girl here).
But I think you (habanaro) should've been a little more sensitive because she did have an eating disorder.
He's just being a big ruff and tuff guy all guys are like that there's nothing wrong with that. I'm sure all men think most women are drama queens. (Just to add I'm a girl here).
edited from NVR: people you'd like to meet:
habanero: this section is called RECIPE Q&A. Most subject specific forum have an off-topic section and it would be really easy and convenient.
ShaolinBunny: BTW, I was on your side as to posting NVR in another section.
habanero: did I address you? no. i guess I should have used the quote feature, because apparently you were too stupid to know I was addressing humboldt.
I just did an informal survey of men I know, who aren't bashful at saying it the way they think it, and there was a 100% response rate that they wouldn't talk to anyone other than a close friend that way, if talking crap to each other was part of their banter.
habanero, I think one of the reasons most of us here on the Q&A board don't mind so many NVR threads is that many of us feel out of the mainstream, misunderstood, and tired of defending our veg*nism to people who are not veg*an.
This has become a supportive community for those of us who feel so unsupported by "normal" society. In many cases we are also alternative thinkers and have alternative lifestyles that are not always supported in the mainstream either. VegWeb has become a safe haven for us--and we want to support those who support us in return.
The NVR threads help us get to know each other better because those of us who visit the Q&A regularly consider ourselves friends. We don't come here merely to find answers to food questions and recipes to nourish our bodies; we come here to nourish our spirits as well.
Still, we love to have newcomers join us and hope that if you don't enjoy the NVR threads that you will still be able to find interesting and helpful food information and that you will also have some good info and/or recipes for us.
This is perfectly said, Bookmama. If I wasn't having such fun with Habby and I was a little nicer and a little smarter, I would have said exactly the same thing. :)
You've also changed my mind about NVRs needing to be in a different section, Bookmama. You're right, we do come here to get support, but also for the camaraderie and friendship, and that doesn't necessary need to always be 100% on the subject of veg*nism. Sometimes I enjoy the NVR threads better than the vegan related ones. And why not mix it all up!
And Honey, you are right, too. There's always room for disagreement on vegweb, and people should be able to speak their mind. But it's not really normal or cool (for a male OR female) to be insulting one another on vegweb, particularly directly. I hope that I did not offend anyone with my own comments. I was just defending Zealia--I guess I get a bit protective of you guys here on Vegweb. And I was just having a little fun at Habby's expense (sorry 'bout that Habanero--I'm an instigator). With that, I will refrain from interjecting any more of my comments. Let me say one last thing, I do kind of miss CV1--where'd you go?
Bookmama, you worded that beautifully. I wish I could be as gifted with getting my thoughts to come out so equolently. Thank you for sharing.
I agree 100% with everything you said. There are some days I feel so out of place and "weird" compared with those around me, I need VegWebbers to let me know that I am normal! This isn't just a recipe site, it definitely does nourish the soul as well.
It is very supportive here. I feel like I'm home.
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