Input needed- situation with friends
Okay, so here's my situation: I have two friends who are lesbians and still live at their respective homes with family. They've both been friends with me since before they hooked up. They aren't allowed to be together in one of their homes, and they just don't like to be at the other home because her parents don't know about her being gay. They like my house. We're all friends. It seems to me like they're always here. They invite themselves over and then make out on my couch and have sex in my basement. My problem is not that they are lesbians. My problem is that I feel that they're being rude. If they want to do things by themselves, that's fine, but I feel like they're using my house as the after part of the date. Maybe it's just that they're trying to include me as a friend, but I just don't know. Evidently I lack the spine to tell them to leave me alone for a while.
My question to the infinite widom of vegweb is: if this were you, how would you handle it? How would you bring it up?
I'm curious what people will come with, too. It's definitely rude, but they're definitely horny - and your place works for them. Could you make plans with them that specifically don't include your place afterwards, without outrightly discussing it? Like, handle it so it handles itself?
How you handle it depends on 1) how much you want them as friends and 2) how dramatic they like to be.
Be gentle but honest. If you feel better about it, write them a letter. Tell them you need to know if they realise that you feel like they are using your house as a love nest, with you as an added extra for a little light conversation. Tell them it would be nice if at least SOMEtimes they would come to see you when sex ISN'T on the menu.
Write it down and either use that process to clear your own thoughts so you can talk without getting upset or being misinterpreted, or give them the note. At least on paper you can't be interrupted or talked down.
I can see where you would be uncomfortable with this, regardless of their orientation. I would feel the same if my nephew brought his ladyfriend over to us for this kind of thing...sex first and then "oh, hi, auntie, can we get some coffee? How's things?"
I agree with baypuppy. It's rude and I wouldn't tolerate any of my friends taking advantage like that....lesbian, gay or heterosexual.
I am not sure about your situation. But I think I would sit down with them and explain how I feel, if I was in your situation. Tell them you feel as if you are being used, and that they are being rude. Perhaps they just don't realize it? But I agree, it is rude.
Awwww, Courth. That sucks! I agree with all the people that said, "that's NOT OK." Sounds to me like you have come to that conclusion too, if you want them to leave you alone for a while.
That being said, I know its easier said than done to tell people stuff like that.
Maybe only agree to hang out with them if you are in a public place? Then if they suggest going to your house, say, OK, but only if there is NO sex involved.
I'm a bitch, but I'd let them know there was going to be an hourly rate assessed everytime they came over to have sex.
Sorry, that's tacky - don't do that.
((((Courth))))) I'm sorry your friends have put you in such an awkward position :(
Are you living with your parents? I ask this, because if you are then you have a perfect "excuse" of not wanting them to make out/have sex so much at the house. Just blame your parents.
Are you living with your parents? I ask this, because if you are then you have a perfect "excuse" of not wanting them to make out/have sex so much at the house. Just blame your parents.
I was thinking the same thing, cause if someone is gonna get in trouble for making out/having sex it might as well be you!
i would tell them to knock the **** out!
Um. Literally.
It's rude to talk on the phone and ignore your friends. Sex is a whole new level.
It's not like you're involved or anything (I don't think..), so I don't think they are trying to include you. It sounds like they are just using your space (I've been there). I think any way around it, you just need to talk to them. If they care, they'll listen/be honest. If you don't like it, tell them that you want to spend time with them..but you want to do other stuff..together..some place else. They will have to find a new place for that kinda stuff.
As I sit here hemming my pants, I got to thinking - did you say anything to your friends? How did it go?
Well, the last time they were over one of them had to leave unexpectedly. I said something under my breath (kind of) about being a bit relieved. My remaining pal said that it was starting to feel weird for her that they come over and don't talk to me. So we discussed it, and told me she'd have a chat with her girlfriend about not being so physical around me all the time, and make it seem like it was coming from her (which it partly was). Things have been better, but i left for vacation this morning (yay NYC), so who knows what it'll be like when I get home.
If your not too worried about water in the basement throw a bucket of water on them!
In all seriousness it is rude and it good that one of them has realized that. I had a similar situation when a mate of mine used to bring a girl who he was seeing sound to my house as I lived alone at the time. First time I had no really issue with it as I would expect the same courtesy from him if the roles were reversed, but after about the 5 time in a few weeks I had enough.
That's good news that you were on the same wavelength. Hopefully, the problem will stay fixed.
gesc: How do guys deal with this situation?
gesc: How do guys deal with this situation?
I told his wife, he did'nt come round again. ;)b
;D You play for keeps.
gesc: How do guys deal with this situation?
I told his wife, he did'nt come round again. ;)b
Ouch...way to go, GESC!
gesc: How do guys deal with this situation?
I told his wife, he did'nt come round again. ;)b
BURN!