Just do it already.
Ok - I decided to go vegetarian about 9 months ago - it has been such an easy transition, I feel amazing and I am surprised every day by how many new veg recipes exist. I think I am ready to make the transition to Vegan (I rarely eat cheese/milk/animal products anyway), but I am held up on something and I would love some input/advice.
I already feel high maintenance. I visit my boyfriend and his family/friends a lot out of town, and the fact that they feel like have to make a separate entree for me, or that they don't know I don't eat meat and feel bad, all makes me feel guilty. I don't want to be a burden - and transitioning to a vegan diet would make this feeling ever present. It is easy enough to avoid the steak at a dinner gathering, but to turn down every dish because it was prepared with butter may offend and upset people.
There is also the weirdness of having to explain to your boyfriend's family that even though they have known you for 9 months (who once ate their beef for xmas due to feelings of guilt, ew), will now not eat any dairy as well.
I just don't want to be a pain in the ass. Any thoughts?
Ok - I decided to go vegetarian about 9 months ago - it has been such an easy transition, I feel amazing and I am surprised every day by how many new veg recipes exist. I think I am ready to make the transition to Vegan (I rarely eat cheese/milk/animal products anyway), but I am held up on something and I would love some input/advice.
I already feel high maintenance. I visit my boyfriend and his family/friends a lot out of town, and the fact that they feel like have to make a separate entree for me, or that they don't know I don't eat meat and feel bad, all makes me feel guilty. I don't want to be a burden - and transitioning to a vegan diet would make this feeling ever present. It is easy enough to avoid the steak at a dinner gathering, but to turn down every dish because it was prepared with butter may offend and upset people.
There is also the weirdness of having to explain to your boyfriend's family that even though they have known you for 9 months (who once ate their beef for xmas due to feelings of guilt, ew), will now not eat any dairy as well.
I just don't want to be a pain in the ass. Any thoughts?
I will be interested to see how people respond to this post. Your way of thinking is the exact reason I haven't gone vegan. Good post.
I have been struggling with the same issue! As of now we aren't even visiting our families for the holidays because of all the ruckus =-(
I guess I don't understand why you feel high maintenance. I haven't found that I'm a burden to people when I'm going to their house for dinner. I will bring my own food or stop somewhere along the way to get take-out so that no one feels they have to cook special. When I visit out of town family/friends they don't feel it's any big deal and actually use the time to try new meals. Or ask if you can use their kitchen or to help prepare the food. That way you know what's in the food. The only other thing I have to say is that if you spend your time always worrying about what other people think...you'll never do anything. You'll be constantly crippled by the fear that you will offend somebody. Who cares...it's your life and you have to live it according to what your beliefs are.
I don't know that I can be of much help, but I definitely know what you mean about not liking being high maintenance. Not long after I went vegan my sisters and I had a weekend together in which they ended up standing around the grocery store reading the ingredients on bread for me. Not everyone's idea of a good time. ::) Anyway, one of my sisters used that exact phrase, "high maintenance" and I thought, oh crap, it's true! And I've always prided myself on being low maintenance. :(
Here's my advice. If they're going to be feeding you, warn people ahead of time what your eating habits are. Tell them not to go out of their way for you; offer to bring your own food. Be cheerful and polite when you decline and act like you're not the least bit put out if you can't eat something that they made. Not a bad idea to carry a supply of Luna bars or trail mix to fend off starvation. Try to keep a low profile, eating what you can and leaving what you choose not to. At restaurants, I try to find something that seems vegan and I don't give the server the third degree about it (maybe just asking them to leave off the cheese or whatever). If you can check out a restaurant ahead of time, you can order with confidence when you get there.
Depending on how you feel about it, you might even bend your rules a little. For example, after a dinner in which there was a cheese incident that I know my hostess felt bad about, I was at her house for a cookout and there were no dairy-free hot dog buns for the Smart Dogs that she had kindly provided. I thought about it and decided that if she saw me eating the hot dog without the bun, she'd feel doubly bad about it; so I ate it. Don't know if that was the right thing to do, but we make our choices...
I think it's always awkward at the beginning as you're finding out what's what and where your personal boundaries are. It gets easier as time goes on and you can less noticeably navigate in an omnivorous world.
What I ususally do is eat pretty near vegan at home and then vegetarian anywhere else so I don't feel so high maintenance. I don't eat a lot of cheese (although I love cheese) but if we go to a family members house or out to eat and something with cheese is the only veg option, I let it slide.
And remember, we make our own choices. We are all on different points of life's path and make cour choices for our own reasons. You are not responsible to anyone for those choices, whether it be here on VW or anywhere else.
If you choose to take your own food, and it's doable where you live, that's OK. If you prefer to make allowances for the fact that the people around you have made an effort to accomodate you and maybe "got it wrong" here or there, that's OK too. You are accountable to you, in the last analysis. No matter what you may have heard, there are no veg*n police. 8)
I do the same as pooh bear. I tell people I'm vegetarian when asked but at home I generally eat vegan and am happy to do so. A little cheese sometimes creeps in but that's about it. After a year in Russia, however, where even a properly vegetarian dish is hard to find, I've learned to adapt and be flexible if need be.
My advice to the OP would be this: start with friends and family who you know are open-minded and sympathetic to your cause. Tell them you are transitioning to a vegan diet. Once you've sort of got it out there into the ether, and you have a base of people who you don't need to worry will make life difficult for you (even inadvertantly!) I think you'll build up the confidence to say the same to your boyfriend's family and other friends.
Take people's advice when it comes to offering to prepare some dishes to bring along. You can always phrase it so you don't sound like a burden, without apologising for your life choices. "I don't want to double your workload so I'd be happy to bring along a couple of vegan dishes for everyone to share to take the pressure off you. Just let me know if your dinner party has a theme and I'll stick to that."
I guess alot of it depends on how much you rely on others for food. I live alone, so only have to worry about myself, and if I go to a party, I try to bring a few vegan appetizers so I don't make extra work for the hostess.
Personally if nothing vegan is offered then I just don't have anything and tell the host that it's okay. It will make them think if maybe they should be more considerate when planning meals in the future but it also shows that you weren't trying to be a pain in the ass. Tact goes a long way here.
Ultimately though you shouldn't feel "high maintanance" because you aren't! Suppose you had a nut allergy and the only thing being served was a dish riddled with nuts. It's not your fault that the host didn't consider your allergy but you're not going to eat it either. All you can do is be gracious.
That's how I handle these situations anyway.
I do the same as pooh bear. I tell people I'm vegetarian when asked but at home I generally eat vegan and am happy to do so. A little cheese sometimes creeps in but that's about it. After a year in Russia, however, where even a properly vegetarian dish is hard to find, I've learned to adapt and be flexible if need be.
My advice to the OP would be this: start with friends and family who you know are open-minded and sympathetic to your cause. Tell them you are transitioning to a vegan diet. Once you've sort of got it out there into the ether, and you have a base of people who you don't need to worry will make life difficult for you (even inadvertantly!) I think you'll build up the confidence to say the same to your boyfriend's family and other friends.
Take people's advice when it comes to offering to prepare some dishes to bring along. You can always phrase it so you don't sound like a burden, without apologising for your life choices. "I don't want to double your workload so I'd be happy to bring along a couple of vegan dishes for everyone to share to take the pressure off you. Just let me know if your dinner party has a theme and I'll stick to that."
Catski I just have to mention how much I totally DIG you pink hair! I use to streak my hair pink or blue.... I would still do it but I think I might get fired from my job ::)
Catski I just have to mention how much I totally DIG you pink hair! I use to streak my hair pink or blue.... I would still do it but I think I might get fired from my job ::)
My hair was pink a few years ago. I'm with you...I'd do it again except that I'm looking for a good job down here in SA.
Catski I just have to mention how much I totally DIG you pink hair! I use to streak my hair pink or blue.... I would still do it but I think I might get fired from my job ::)
My hair was pink a few years ago. I'm with you...I'd do it again except that I'm looking for a good job down here in SA.
when i retire i'm doing it again.... i'll be like 70 yrs old with pink hair! :D
i had purple hair once.... teh hubby had blue =-)
I've had pink hair too!
i had purple hair once.... teh hubby had blue =-)
Many older women here in Spain use weird colour rinses and never think twice. The old-lady "football helmet" back-comb with a definite purple tinge is a sight to see! For some reason the purplish red so favoured by these older ladies is sold as "violin!" I've never seen a violin that colour....
Catski I just have to mention how much I totally DIG you pink hair! I use to streak my hair pink or blue.... I would still do it but I think I might get fired from my job ::)
Thanks! It's bright red with a black fringe at the moment, and before that was black with an electric blue fringe, but I loved the pink so I keep the picture in memory :)
Not that I have a whole lot of experience with eating places other than home...but I do have my share of stories. I think it's all about communication, and honestly..there's definitely no reason to feel any guilt. If you let your family/friends/whomever know your situation, and communicate it politely and exactly..they will then have the power to choose how they wish to deal with the situation. You just need to tell them what you will NOT consume (and why), and that you do not want them to go to any extra trouble on account of you. You could also tell them what you would be happy eating (say if they were having mashed potatoes...just say you'd be fine with a serving on your plate..before the butter is added, etc.). If they are going to be hostile/negative..then there's really nothing else you can do. It's a great choice to make, but sometimes it can seem difficult with all the opposition from others.
It's always a great idea to bring your own food, and it's a great chance to show them how fabulous vegan food is! I would hope that with some communication (and possibly a bit of educating them on the issue), they will still care for you and respect your lifestyle. If you think they are obviously TRYING to make you feel guilty...then all you can do is go on...and deal with it the best you can. Tell them how you feel. If they won't help you, then you can definitely still help yourself!
:)
If you live your life as an apologist, people will own you. Treat being vegan as a matter of fact. Bring an omni-friendly vegan side dish to share. There are omni recipes that are "accidentally" vegan. Have that as your main meal. Discuss with whoever is preparing the food that you're vegan and what that means and negotiate how that will be handled. I would suspect it would be a little give and take. You bring a side dish and they make green bean casserole, they heat some plain beans for you. It won't be exciting fare, but it'll do. I bring ingredients to make food when I visit my parents because it's not their responsibility to be experts on being vegan. At the same time, my mom usually buys something at the store that she thinks is vegan. If it says "soy" on the package, she assumes it's vegan. When it's not vegan (most of the time), I just don't eat it. I don't make a big deal about it, it was kind of her to try.
If you live your life as an apologist, people will own you. Treat being vegan as a matter of fact. Bring an omni-friendly vegan side dish to share. There are omni recipes that are "accidentally" vegan. Have that as your main meal. Discuss with whoever is preparing the food that you're vegan and what that means and negotiate how that will be handled. I would suspect it would be a little give and take. You bring a side dish and they make green bean casserole, they heat some plain beans for you. It won't be exciting fare, but it'll do. I bring ingredients to make food when I visit my parents because it's not their responsibility to be experts on being vegan. At the same time, my mom usually buys something at the store that she thinks is vegan. If it says "soy" on the package, she assumes it's vegan. When it's not vegan (most of the time), I just don't eat it. I don't make a big deal about it, it was kind of her to try.
HH so true. Hopefully some day I'll get to a point were 'being a pain" doesn't matter to me so much.... I think partially the reason I'm willing to be a vegetarian (as opposed to vegan) at restaurants and other peoples homes is to make my transition easier on them. To kind of alleviate other peoples concerns that I'll be judgemental or difficult or preachy.... you know, the common things omnis assume as soon as the word 'vegetarian' or 'vegan' comes out of your mouth. The people in my life are adjusting to 'vegetarian' quite well so I'll give it a little more time before I spring veganism on them. I mean my hubby is actually eating veg with me at home and it's SO awesome :)>>> The meals are actually mostly vegan but he doesn't need to know that ;)b
What I ususally do is eat pretty near vegan at home and then vegetarian anywhere else so I don't feel so high maintenance. I don't eat a lot of cheese (although I love cheese) but if we go to a family members house or out to eat and something with cheese is the only veg option, I let it slide.
This is me too. My family & close friends know I prefer not to eat dairy, but I don't worry about it over Smooch's family's & other friends. I easily avoid things that have a lot of cheese or mayo, but don't stress things like milk & butter in mashed potatoes or something.
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