newbie fell off the wagon and now karma hates her
Posted by eese on Oct 04, 2008 · Member since Sep 2008 · 33 posts
i ate meat on friday. i haven't even been a vegan for 3 months yet and i feel like such a jerk. my goldfish keep dying, too, and i don't get it. i've had them for 2 years and it's really sudden and now i only have one left. digby and ninja have died, and only gordon is left.
i feel like i've failed the cosmos, especially that poor cow and my poor fish.
:'(
My advice would be (1) Don't be too hard on yourself. (2) Wish thanks and/or sorry toward the animal. (3) Try and analyse why you ate the meat, and let this guide you to avoid doing it again... i.e. was it something particular about it that you craved? was it a 'guilty pleasure' in itself? is there something equally tempting that you could replace it with? (Others will have more ideas on this, I bet.) (4) Know that the guilt that you're feeling is educational, and that you're less likely to fall off the wagon again due to this experience. :chinup:
Everyone does something like this at least once during the transition. Nobody here is going to smack you down... and I'm sure you're harder on yourself than anyone else would be. (At least, anyone worth associating with.) The universe doesn't hate you; it's just that you're feeling bad and seeing things in a negative light at the moment. Try and be positive and think of the good you're going to do (the lives you'll spare) with your future veganism. :)
I'm really sorry about your goldfish. :(
I wouldn't say many goldfish are bred for long lives, as mine have often died within a week even with the most careful conditions. That being said, 2 years is pretty good for a goldfish by my standards :( We once had one, Sammy, who lived 7 years and lived through two ejections from the bowl (one from the cat, one was a mystery...).
I'd be lying if I said I've been solidly vegan all these years. That's not to say my only not vegan moments were accidental (finding out something has an animal product in it after the fact). About 3 months after I went vegan it was Halloween, practically my favorite holiday at the time, and I really wanted that candy :D And I hated feeling left out of the trick or treating. So I ate it, and it tasted grosser than I remembered. Not worth it, and still feel bad about it.
It's not worth beating yourself up over. It's done, and you can't undo it, just like all the years you weren't vegan. You've still got 3 months minus one meal on most of the population. The point is that you have, ultimately, cut out a lot of the animal stuffs in your diet and thereby help reduce suffering and the support of factory farming/all animal farming(however you feel about it). What you can do now is see it as a small blip in the future vegan months/years to come ;)b
All change is a path, not instantaneous, if it is to be lasting. Abrupt, radical change either doesn't last or comes crashing at some point. You just stumbled; keep walking forward. Don't curse the road or the walker, just keep going.
My advice would be ... (3) Try and analyse why you ate the meat, and let this guide you to avoid doing it again... i.e. was it something particular about it that you craved? was it a 'guilty pleasure' in itself? is there something equally tempting that you could replace it with? (Others will have more ideas on this, I bet.) (4) Know that the guilt that you're feeling is educational, and that you're less likely to fall off the wagon again due to this experience. :chinup:
I think you're right; I need to think more about why I've done this so that I can deal with it properly. I have found that since beginning to live as a vegan, whenever I'm a bit premenstrual or really tired I crave beef vindaloo from the shop up the road. So, I guess for starters learning how to make it with seitan or maybe tempeh would be a good step. I think another part of what I'm finding difficult is that my husband can't really cook anything vegan except for pasta with veggies in tomato with herbs, and he works heaps at the moment, so I don't have many options when I'm starving but too exhausted to cook, and he's not able to cook for me. That, and it's taking me a little while to learn easy filling and craving satisfying vegan options.
That said, we had tempeh with satay sauce and a thai noodle salad for dinner, and the whole satay tempeh thing really hit the spot and satisfied my penchant for spicy food. I made it with satay sauce from a can, so it was very quick.
And you're absolutely right, faunablues. The beef vindaloo didn't taste nearly as good as I remembered (except for the gravy, which can be vegan if I make it myself). I gained nothing from the experience except for a tummy ache and some bad feelings.
I think when I extend a hand to get back on the wagon... its presented in unison.
In some asian markets (depending on when you live) they have veg mock duck and beef
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/f2/Wheat_gluten_(vegetarian_mock_duck)_opened_can_(2007).jpg/250px-Wheat_gluten_(vegetarian_mock_duck)_opened_can_(2007).jpg
Oh I have had that canned duck stuff! It looks terrible in that photo, but really, it is very yummy!
you cant get much close to meat... as some thai basil sauce and rice.
BAM! haha
Awww....hugs and love to you Eese! I agree, don't be so hard on yourself. Speaking from my own experience, having been a vegan for the past 17 years, I fell off the wagon occasionally before that for several months! Before I became a strict vegetarian 18 years ago, I ate chicken and fish a few times, and even beef once before giving them up 100%. Finally, I just stopped for good. Sometimes it takes a while before you stop craving things completely. For me, it was a few months and then I found my taste for meat (and dairy, later) were gone forever.
Give yourself a hug and remember, you are already doing SO MUCH RIGHT!!!! :)>>>
p.s. I think you are onto something also, with finding flavor matches. For me, I finally realized that any flavor I was craving really could be achieved within the vegan realm (for example: I once realized that what I really liked about fried fish was the coating...then I found that it works great w/tofu too) Good luck...you're doing great!
I think when I extend a hand to get back on the wagon... its presented in unison.
In some asian markets (depending on when you live) they have veg mock duck and beef
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/f2/Wheat_gluten_(vegetarian_mock_duck)_opened_can_(2007).jpg/250px-Wheat_gluten_(vegetarian_mock_duck)_opened_can_(2007).jpg
:)>>> I feel heaps better and very encouraged! **group hugg**
lol :o when I first looked at that photo I was a bit offended cos I thought someone was posting a gross picture of meat to make me feel bad! I will definitely check out my local Asian market for that stuff... Might even try it on the hubby and see if I can confuse him. I can't believe how much it looks like real carnage-in-a-can!
those bumps on the mock duck...
:shudders:
i ate a chip at a festival salsa stand yesterday that had cheese in it (checked the ingredients after it tasted funny...doh!). then last night i had dreams that i ate meat.
you can't get around it all the time, just keep on keepin on. and sorry about your fish!
I've also had crazy dreams where I ate meat. It's wonderful when I wake up and realize it's all just a dream and I don't have to worry anymore.
Crazzyyyyyyy.
i ate a chip at a festival salsa stand yesterday that had cheese in it (checked the ingredients after it tasted funny...doh!). then last night i had dreams that i ate meat.
you can't get around it all the time, just keep on keepin on. and sorry about your fish!
hmmmm... crazy indeed ;) i usually dream about food or my baby. both are nice to dream about :)
does anybody have any suggestions about how to announce to narrow minded relatives that i've moved from vegetarian to vegan? they're already somehow offended by my vegetarianism, like my refusal to eat meat somehow makes their lives harder, when it actually means they can count on my contributing to any group meals that we have... anyway, i'm sure you get the picture.
Eese...all I can offer is my personal experience when I became vegan in 1991 (which was even harder because vegan wasn't nearly as well known as a healthy choice back then!)...
I started by telling everyone and giving my family tmi (too much information). This made them run in the other direction! After a few years, I wised up and just did my best to live an example of a healthy happy vegan who always cooked kicka*s food for gatherings...my foods were always the most sought after which helped a LOT!
So...tip #1: be a really good cook (or at least make tried and true delicious recipes when cooking for suspicious people)
tip #2: tell people politely that you no longer eat this and that, and then let them ask the rest of the questions. Don't give them more information than they can process. A little bit goes a long way.
tip #3: be as courteous and polite as possible and keep a really good sense of humor!
tip #4: be as good of an example as you can...it is the best thing anyone can do!
Hope this helps at least a little...sounds like you are trying really hard to be true to your beliefs. I remember how challenging that was at first for me...but with effort and determination it just gets easier and easier all of the time!! :)>>>
Good advice quintess. I have been vegan for 30 years now and have found that some people never understand, no matter how polite and careful I may be so just do the best you can and try not to preach to them, even when they ask why. My older brothers all make fun of me,because of my diet. My brother laughs and laughs when he calls tofu, toefood and eventually toejam. But when my mother gets sick, she just turned 84, they send to my house knowing our food will make her healthy again. It takes time and I have seen them eating healthier with less meats through the years. As to slipping, I can say I have never eaten meat since the day I gave it up but in an attempt to be polite, at first I ate some questionable foods which may have contained some dairy or eggs. Now though I am able to refuse anything which I am not sure of without feeling rude. It is just a matter of time, or it was for me, before I came to the thought that meat was no longer food. Just like a rock or a tree is not food. It does get easier.
I am really looking forward to being used to this one day. It is still a series of quite deliberate decisions, and I know that with time it will become just the way I am. It reminds me a lot of when I had to deal with an addiction about ten years ago. At first it was all I could think about, but then with time, it just became part of who I was to not partake of the stuff I was leaving behind.
With time, relationships changed and I came to associate with people I had more in common with - not because I had decided to, but just because of who I naturally gravitated to. I suspect that being vegan is like that too.
I am a very good cook, even if I do say so myself, and I have already thrown a few dinner parties since becoming vegan. I have a delightful friend who is a social worker and a brilliant omni cook, and she brought my first tofu 'cheese'cake with her when she and her husband came over for dinner last Wednesday. Her husband (who was our marriage celebrant) was very cheeky at first, but by the end of the evening, couldn't stop talking about how good he felt and how much he liked the food. I didn't talk about my veganism, I just let the food speak. This has worked really well with my Mum-in-law and husband, too. Nobody likes feeling harassed while they eat (or at all), I figure. My older brother is pretty rude about it though, and my Mum was until I helped her stop being anemic with plant foods and then had her over for dinner. My mentor/professor/stand-in-Dad is almost carnivorous though, and he is the one who feels most strongly that the whole thing is ridiculous. I think I need to bake him some vegan brownies.
So, I think I'm getting there, but I couldn't do it without the encouragement I've gotten from the peeps around VegWeb. For me, the hardest thing is maintaining the discipline to stick consistently with the change that I know is right (I'm really not famous for being consistent!). I hope that I make some in-the-flesh vegan friends soon; I know that would help.
I am a very good cook, even if I do say so myself, and I have already thrown a few dinner parties since becoming vegan. I have a delightful friend who is a social worker and a brilliant omni cook, and she brought my first tofu 'cheese'cake with her when she and her husband came over for dinner last Wednesday. Her husband (who was our marriage celebrant) was very cheeky at first, but by the end of the evening, couldn't stop talking about how good he felt and how much he liked the food. I didn't talk about my veganism, I just let the food speak. This has worked really well with my Mum-in-law and husband, too. Nobody likes feeling harassed while they eat (or at all), I figure. My older brother is pretty rude about it though, and my Mum was until I helped her stop being anemic with plant foods and then had her over for dinner. My mentor/professor/stand-in-Dad is almost carnivorous though, and he is the one who feels most strongly that the whole thing is ridiculous. I think I need to bake him some vegan brownies.
"...Let the food speak." I love this! Could become my motto. Or someone's subnick. :>
I would also love to have some IRL people to impress with awesome vegan foodz. I don't know many folks, really.
I think the hardest part is just sticking to your guns. I know when I put my mind to something I don't budge (probably because I'm as stubborn as a mule, lol). So even when I am watching TV and I see that Papa Johns cheese pizza float before my eyes and I start salivating, I don't cave. What keeps me constant is self-pride. When I'm tempted I just remind myself that while instant gratification might be nice, I will just feel all sick and greasy not to mention really disappointed in myself. Every time I manage to battle through a cheese craving I just feel all lit up with pride for having the ability to stick to my beliefs. I don't know if that is particularly helpful, but just knowing I can be proud of myself for not giving up on something (for once, I'm usually incredibly inconsistent) makes me so happy. And I feel great with out all that lard in my life, I'm sure my arteries feel the same. Maybe you can think of it that way? Think of it as rewarding yourself. Or maybe reward yourself with a really tasty vegan snack if you do beat the craving. Like vegan cookies or such. There are tons of yummy recipes that you could do that with on vegweb.
My main problem is I do not want to be that person that asks 50million questions about their food. It makes me feel like such an a** when I go out to eat or eat with other people. I have a tendency to defer to other people, so I don't upset them. Some of my family is pretty disturbed by my vegetarianism, I don't want to know what they'll think of me being vegan. My grandparents are already convinced I'm starving all the time. So I think some of the time I don't eat 100% vegan, which makes me feel guilty as well, even though I drilled the waiter or friend.
So basically, just persevere!
Make delicious vegan food and convert them all. >:D
I know what you mean about having to ask so many questions... I've been really lucky with my friends cooking for me, though. My darling friend Nic made me couscous stuffed capsicums (peppers) when we went to visit her last night. She has two baby chickens as pets and I got to hold them for hours and they slept on me and awwwww just so CUTE! It didn't really make up for the fact that I was at her house because our husbands had gone fishing together >:( Fortunately, they suck at it and never catch anything, but they still insist on using pilchards as bait. I was pretty upset... I'm never sure how to act in situations like that, because I don't want to be flippant, but I don't want to alienate people or make them think vegans are pains in the butt by harping on stuff. That, and hubby keeps eating KFC (Kentucky Friend-Carnage) when he's out, and totally doesn't care (even after seeing those gorgeous chicks!)
What do I do with stuff like this?!?