What do you do with a thoughtful, but non-vegan gift?
What do you do when someone buys you a very thoughtful, but non-vegan gift?
Background: My dear friend, remembering my love for chocolate and some fond memories I shared with him about my visits to Ghiradelli square when I lived in the Bay Area, bought me Ghiradelli chocolate while on a business trip in San Francisco. He knows that I am transitioning into a vegan diet and remembered that I told him I could eat dark chocolate. So he bought me dark chocolate. This dark chocolate though happens to have a little milk fat in it. He was excited about giving it to me(told me in advance he had a surprise for me) and I was of course so happy that he remembered me, my preference for dark chocolate and my sentimental Ghiradelli chocolate trips from years ago. I was beaming when he gave me this gift, gave him a big warm hug and graciously thanked him, accepted the gift. Now what do I do with it? What do I tell him?
I would share the gift with a friend or family member that enjoys chocolate so it does not go to waste and the next time I see the friend that gave it to me, I would gently explain how muh you appricited the gift, but after reading the ingredients you found that it was not vegan. I'm sure he will understand!
I'd give it to one of the guys on the street asking for money.
I'm not sure you should worry about it...eat the chocolate. That's my vote, anyway.
If you are so hardcore that you won't eat the sweets, don't tell your friend. It would make him feel bad that you didn't like his gift.
Hey! I'll eat them--I still have a serious adiction with dairy... ;)
I have to agree w/ the majority here- i wouldn't tell him if it were me -he just sounded so utterly happy to give those to you. If you don't eat them yourself, I'm sure they would make a great "re-gift" or just giveaway to anyone. :)
Oh, and i forgot to mention: I think your immediate response was right on-full of pure love! :)
Yes, definitely don't tell him that you couldn't eat it. That would be hurtful. Just pretend you ate them, and pass it on. Or eat it if you're comfortable with that.
People know I'm a vegan, but I still sometimes get non-vegan gifts because a lot of them don't realize it extends to non-edible objects. My boyfriend's parents gave me a gorgeous leather bag for my birthday. His parents are SO nice, so generous, so kind ... just really incredible people. What could I do? Refuse it and hurt their feelings? Beyond not wanting to do that, manners have been hammered into me from day one. It's hard for me to go against ingrained etiquette.
I took it, thanked them profusely, and use it. It's a gift, and the damage has been done already in terms of purchasing it.
I live in the bay area too! I grew up in San Leandro, but I would take trips to Ghiradelli and get delicious chocolate treats all the time.
I say just eat them. It's really the thought that counts and it would be more harmful to just toss them out anyway.
Which is of greater value--a pothole on the road to veganism, or appreciating the gesture of a kind friend at its true value?
This is one event, one "glitch". YES, you know the milk fat is in there. But your friend went out of his way to try to please you. And I know how I would feel if it were me and my gift was rejected. No, I wouldn't withdraw my friendship, but I would feel foolish. How would you feel if it were the other way around?
Eat the chocolate--not all of it, share it with your family or friends, but eat at least a piece or two in honour of your very kind, very good friend. Later, when the gift is not an issue, bring up that being vegan means reading lots of labels to avoid "mistakes."
Remember, veganism is your choice, not his. He's not to blame for not knowing all about it. And he meant to give you something special. If you throw away his gift you are throwing away a piece of his friendship.
I wouldn't tell him either. There's no use hurting someone's feelings when they went out of their way to get you something nice. Simply put it in a candy dish and offer it to your guests when they come over.
of course just eat them, and share with friends!!!
my dad bought me a pair of really spendy fancy BEAUTIFUL pearl earrings for my birthday, it was probably the best gift he's ever gotten me. of course i acted really excited, and wore them the whole time i was visiting.
i live far away, so i probably won't wear them in front of friends, but i will keep them forever, and wear them whenever i am around him. and probably pass them on to a daughter
I agree with yabbit (and everyone)
What 's more important? Being a 'pure' vegan or your friend?
I'd do what yabbit suggested, eat a piece, give the rest away. He didn't bring you the milk chocolate kind, he tried!
It wasn't like, "hey have this random chocolate" it was purchased for a REASON... tasting a little means you can be honest and say, "thank you, it was wonderful, just like i remembered."
if you like, you could mention after that, "hey... darn... the dark chocolate wasn't vegan after all... but i had some anyway :)" that way it won't be purchased again for you on a second trip.
that was a really sweet present! i love gifts like that
I agree I say take a little taste, and then next time you speak to him, say "those chocolates were delicious...sucks I wont be able to eat them anymore after my full veganism kicks in". It was a very nice thought that he rermemberd :)
I like Kennedy's approach... that way you enjoy the gift as he intended, and he knows you can't do it again (soon). A white lie.
I'm kind of on the economically motivated side of things, so as far as I am concerned, if someone bought it the harm is already done. This seems like a teensy amount of harm anyway... enjoy it, in my opinion.
I know a bunch of people will disagree with me, but I wouldn't eat them. This happens to me all the time. I appreciate the gift and express my gratitude, but then I turn around and normally give it to non-veg family members.
I agree it is a personal choice, as is veganism. However, if you eat the chocolate, what's next? I know the choice I made and why I made the decision. I don't want to represent something I am not. If you don't eat them that does not mean you are friends. It should have nothing to do with it. You were grateful and showed appreciation. That is the reaction your friend wanted.
I agree with yabbit (and everyone)
What 's more important? Being a 'pure' vegan or your friend?
I'd do what yabbit suggested, eat a piece, give the rest away. He didn't bring you the milk chocolate kind, he tried!
It wasn't like, "hey have this random chocolate" it was purchased for a REASON... tasting a little means you can be honest and say, "thank you, it was wonderful, just like i remembered."
if you like, you could mention after that, "hey... darn... the dark chocolate wasn't vegan after all... but i had some anyway :)" that way it won't be purchased again for you on a second trip.
Thank you for your help and kind words. My dark chocolate still sits in my refrigerator untouched. It's situations like this one on a small scale that cause me to pause and reflect on the things in my life that are important to me. (In no particular order) Friendship. Compassion. Honesty. Love. Respect for life. Ethics. Happiness.
Made me recall something I read in one of Stepaniak's books that said compassion is the focus of veganism. Not perfectionism.
I just wouldn't feel honest if I pretended that I enjoyed eating something, without really eating it. He happens to be someone very dear to me that surprises me with thoughtful gifts. I also wouldn't want him to purchase something non-vegan again for me in the future.
Unless I am swayed otherwise, I think I will follow the suggestion of those (yabbit, et al) that embraced both friendship and vegan ethics. That means I think I'll indulge in one very small piece of chocolate, and share the rest of the chocolate with others. Then tell my friend a response like the one jenniferhughes offered up (quoted above).
That way I can be honest, show my appreciation for our friendship, and gently communicate my vegan preferences so he gains a deeper understanding of them. This subsequently brings us closer together, and possibly raises his awareness too, so that maybe he will make more compassionate choices in his own life.