im a horrible person and i need your help :(
im leaving for kansas three weeks from today.
on..hm. lets see. sunday night, i hung out with this guy (douglas) that i was sort of interested in having a fling-type thing with because this summer is kinda boring. blahblah we made out blahblah thats not a problem really. i saw him again on monday and he spent the night on tuesday (my parents were out of town). blahblahblah.
that is not the problem though. problem is, my ex boyfriend (christopher, the one i still mess around with sometimes and who is also my bestest guy friend on earth and possibly also my best friend) texted me on wednesday morning and asked me to call him later. he never really talks to anyone when something is wrong, so i was super alarmed that he was in crisis or something. i called him and he asked if we could talk about it in person and i said of course. douglas went home and i went and picked up christopher and we drove to the reservoir where we hang out and talk a lot. blahblahblah blahblah christopher wants to go out again until i go to college. i told him i would, thinking it would be easy to explain to douglas since it kinda seemed like we were just messing around and blahblahblah BUT THEN! blahblah i found out that he does actually like me. quite a bit.
now i dont know what to do. i still like christopher a lot (we went out for a year and a few months, but broke up because he thought i should date other people while i was in high school, which was devastating at the time, but now im glad i got to go out with other people), and i guess ive kind of been hoping he'd want to go out again since we broke up, and i even asked him if he would consider it earlier this summer, but douglas is nice too and erghh i cant be like "sorry, someone better has come along," and i guess he was also assuming that we were going out. that makes me a terrible person. im lying to both of them and i feel awful, but i dont know what to do. at first i thought it would be ok, since im leaving soon, but i feel so so so guilty.
im thinking of telling christopher that i cant go out with him right now, since i guess he'll kind of always be there and stuff, but eek. id feel so bad because hes a really sensitive boy (pff. ok not boy, hes 20, but saying MAN sounds creepy haha) and i dont want to make him cry because then ill hate myself.
im on vacation right now until next thursday, so i have some time away from them to think about stuff, and that's why im asking the vegwebbers for help..that and also i dont want to ask my friends because then theyll think im terrible and i have no morals. sigh. i hate myself sometimes. what should i do?
:'(
So, you wanted Douglas for a summer fling, until you go back to college. And Christopher wants to hook back up with you until you go back to college. From my view point, since neither one of them is looking like a "long-term relationship", go out with both! You're free and single...have some fun! If they didn't ask for exclusivity you don't owe it!
I'm with Storm on that one. Especially since you wanted Douglas for a "Summer Fling".... However, just to keep your @$$ covered emotionally and "morally" I'd be upfront w/ Douglas and tell him that though you like him a lot, you're really only "in it" for the summer, and in the fall it's over b/c you need to go back to school.
So, you wanted Douglas for a summer fling, until you go back to college. And Christopher wants to hook back up with you until you go back to college. From my view point, since neither one of them is looking like a "long-term relationship", go out with both! You're free and single...have some fun! If they didn't ask for exclusivity you don't owe it!
I agree with Storm and Hanashi on this. Have fun and enjoy the rest of the summer. Once you start classes you'll be super busy.
eeek. ok. i guess telling them is the hard part..
im kind of scared that one or both of them will hate me and then ill have no one :(
sigh.
First, you are NOT a horrible person. Silly ponycakes! Males have this strange idea that females can read their minds. Not all of them mind you, but a good portion of the population exhibit this symptom.
You should mention to C that you have been seeing D this summer already and if he is cool with you dating them both. Then ask D the same thing. If they are both ok with it then enjoy yourself. Go out, have fun. Do date things like minigolf, picnics, hanging out at the mall, whatever!
IF C is hurt or offended by the question, you still have D to enjoy. And if C is ok but D is offended then you have C.
I am personally a firm believer that you should never limit who or how you love based on other people's opinions.
As long as you explain to both your not looking for anything but a little fun during the summer. No need to actually spell it out to them your seeing two people at the same time but at least don't lead them on to thinking this is something permenant.
Ohh and keep it safe, nothing ruins the collage experience like a bun in the oven or a dose of the clap!
I am personally a firm believer that you should never limit who or how you love based on other people's opinions.
exactly.
everyone - storm, hanashi, et al. - has offered great advice. and you said it yourself: 'fessing up is the hard part. but you'll feel a million times better once you've brought it out in the open to each of them; you won't be stewing over it all on your own anymore.
plus, kansas is just around the corner! can you imagine the fun times around the corner? don't tie yourself down, and don't pretend you are when you're not. be young, single, and free! but also careful. always careful!
or a dose of the clap!
This just made me spray the monitor! :-D
theres information about this kind of relationship online if you want some reading material on open relationships and/or polyamory. i think it would work, especially since christopher suggested that you see other people, and thats just what you did.
college is FUN! being stuck to one person all throughout college is.... not as fun. : )
college is FUN! being stuck to one person all throughout college is.... not as fun. : )
Depending, of course, on who you're stuck to... :)>>>
Like Storm said, just stay friends with both and keep your options open. Tell Christopher you'll always be there for him as a friend and you're only a phone call away- that should make it easier on him.
And the most important thing to keep in mind: College can change everything!! Most of my friends that I still keep in touch with today are the ones I met in college. A lot of people meet their future spouses in college too. I would definitely not be tied down going into college...you're going to meet SO many new people. Use the "I'm going away to college/don't want to be in any long-distance relationships" excuse for C&D. And DON'T feel bad about anything...it's not like you're married and having an affair or anything! ::)
both of them know im leaving, and chris knows that the relationship thing wont continue into college since it's far away and that would be kind of lame haha. umm hopefully douglas knows that otherwise..ill have to do some heartbreaking :p
i think what bothers me the most is that both of them think im their girlfriend and. eek. it doesnt feel right? or something? i dunno. thank you guys soooo much. it really helps to have a bunch of people give opinions. ill post again when it all goes down (probably late tonight or sometime tomorrow..im gonna call them).
Ohh and keep it safe, nothing ruins the collage experience like a bun in the oven or a dose of the clap!
:-D this made me laugh. a lot. haha.
ill post again when it all goes down (probably late tonight or sometime tomorrow..im gonna call them).
Good luck!!
um..... :-\ You may think it is easier to say it :^....but trust me when I say it isn't. And the person then feels more hurt (if there are to be hurt feelings) b/c you didn't "respect" them enough to say it to them in person.
It is SOOOO much better to do this face to face, vs over the phone whenever possible!! Not only does it make the person feel like they matter, but there's also the opportunity for hugs during/after....And let me tell you, touch is very powerful, and you can't hold the hand, caress the face to wipe a tear over the phone.
It could be the difference between being "friends/lovers" and enemies....
You'll feel sooo much "better" after doing it in person vs :^. It's not easy, and if it were enjoyable....well more people would be willing to fall in love.
both of them know im leaving, and chris knows that the relationship thing wont continue into college since it's far away and that would be kind of lame haha. umm hopefully douglas knows that otherwise..ill have to do some heartbreaking :p
i think what bothers me the most is that both of them think im their girlfriend and. eek. it doesnt feel right? or something?
In my highschool/college days, guys did this all the time, had several girls "on their string." I have 6 brothers, I know about this. And it was supposedly OK for them to "play the field." So, to use an unvegan phrase, what's sauce for the gander is sauce for the goose (or, veganly, "What's sauce for the tofu is sauce for the seitan", if you will.) Why shouldn't you be accorded the same latitude as anyone else, regardless of gender?
"veganly, "What's sauce for the tofu is sauce for the seitan", if you will."
hehe thanks yg (:
im not going to be able to go online until thursday (though if im lucky we'll find somewhere with free wifi)..so i guess ill see you guys then. siiiigh.
ill try to explain what happened yesterday really quick.
i told christopher yesterday because i can talk to him easier and i figured he would take it better (hes the boy in my avatar picture thing) but umm. he was kind of upset. i asked him why he even wanted to bother with going out for what will essentially be two weeks and he said he wanted to used the time i have left and not take it for granted because i might change in college and stuff. sigh. so i pretty much got nowhere and now i hurt his feelings. i told him id still go out with him though, so i didnt REALLY wreck everything i guess..
blah. i hate people :p
off to grandma and grandpas on the farm! (: