post college depression
Posted by hiimkelsi on Sep 14, 2008 · Member since Sep 2004 · 2297 posts
i cant handle this sudden lack of friends and social life. granted, i've been out of college for a year now, but the realization about the loneliness of my new life has been building and building. michael doesnt understand, he doesnt really like people, and he never really had the same college experience as me. i've been looking at jobs back in pittsburgh and austin in a thought that if i find that perfect job, maybe i can run away and either go back to be with my friends from school or move on to meet new people in austin. bagh. how did you deal with life after college.
I moved to a different country and language. Which kept me busy enough, learning all the social norms plus how to handle the metric system. I soon learned that a kilo of potatoes is so many, and if you're me you need 2.5 metres of cloth to make a dress.
It's hard. I also moved to a new city and know very few people. Being a commuter, I'm not in any one city long enough to hang out and meet people. I've been here for six years now and really don't know anyone. I'm more like Michael, so I don't follow up on contacts, but I've met some really cool people by doing things. I was in a fundraiser amateur kayak race and met a couple of people that, if I had followed up on their invitation to contact them to do other things, I would have had two more friends. I'm taking guitar lessons and there's a Sunday jam with local musicians. If I ever get the courage to go play with them, I'd probably find other friends there. The friends I have are people I used to work with who now live in different areas of SoCal. And then I have concert and Disneyland and stuff where I live, so my other friends filter through. I guess that's why I vegweb and am in chat. I should have a long-range goal, in case the board is closed again.
Strategize where to find friends, or at least do something with people - like the weekly jam. You can't be the only liberal person in the greater area (I hope - your description of your co-workers makes it worrysome). Go ask in a locally-owned music store.
What I've found is that you can't really go back. If you move back, some of your friends will be gone. If they've since had kids, you can write them off as essentially gone. I think if you moved back you'd still miss how it was in college.
I am feeling exactly the same way! I felt this way after I finished my bachelor's degree and to fix it, I moved to NYC and got a master's. I finished that about 6 months ago and now I am back in Boston, my hometown, and I am feeling totally depressed again.
I am thinking about getting another degree just to keep myself from feeling this way! Am I addicted to school? I just feel like my life is so mundane without it. I have an 8-5pm job and I live with my boyfriend and our two cats. I don't have a ton of friends in this area anymore. I go to work, I come home, I eat, I sleep. It's so unexciting. I feel like such an old lady. I don't know what to do either.
I am seriously thinking about staying here until my lease is up and then moving to a new state and going back to school again. However, I am in a huge amount of debt already which adds to that whole depressed feeling. Ughhh... That probably didn't help at all, but at least you know you are not alone!
eek i cant help since i'm not done with college, but hugs through the internet to you! hm are there volunteer things you could do in the community? that might be a way to meet people..
poneycakes made a great suggestion. I'd find out about volunteer opportunities if I was in your situation. It's a great way to meet people, but you can get a real sense of accomplishment and work towards something worthwhile.
aw thank you all for your comments! its so nice to know that i'm not alone.
hh, you reminded me! theres a coffee shop about 20 minutes away that does open mic night. i NEED to go. just to see other people. hehe. i think i'll go this week. and you're probably right about home not being the same anyways. hmph. at least none of my friends from college are making babies, only one of them is married. but things probably have changed. hmph.
stillflat - exactly!! i really enjoyed school! i wish i had the opportunity to go back, theres nothing like exercising your brain. sometimes i just miss writing research papers. i love getting engulfed by research papers. but in addition to that, meeting other people in your classes was SO easy.
aha, I think I know what you're going through.
As it is, I've got three classes (a part-time semester at most) to finish for my BA...I sort of had to drop out last semester, and I'm on something of a break now...I don't think I'll return to UNI to finish those classes, either. It'll probably be something like online correspondence for the two gen eds, and maybe a class at a nearby state school for my final design class.
Basically, I've left my school and all my activities and social circles, and I really miss it. I mostly wish that my last few semesters hadn't been so riddled with illness, that I'd been as involved as I was my first few years, and that I didn't have to end my career at UNI this way.
BUT, somewhat like Yabbit, I left UNI to relocate to a whole new geographic location. (Hey, Atlanta is kind of like a new country for me..?) It helps if you're with someone you love (like Michael) and not all alone. There have got to be activities and community events that he'd be interested in, too, right?
Definitely check out the community...coffee shops, music stores, music venues, open mics., all are good suggestions for finding new friends. Even if you don't hit it off with anyone right away, you'll probably feel good to get involved with those things again.
awwww, kelsi! move to minnesota! I'll be your friend!
I know exactly how you feel. I didn't have the greatest social life in college, 'cause I was working three jobs to try to pay for it, but I didn't realize that I was going to pretty much lose every friend I had by moving to a different state. When I lived in Texas, at least I lived with roommates that were also teachers, so we had a lot in common and did stuff together on the weekend. But when I moved to Minnesota, I was like............now what?
The good news is, its taken two and a half years, but I am finally starting to have some friends. I played on a rec volleyball and softball league, joined a Young Professional's organization, and volunteered a lot at different events in town and I met some people all of those ways!
I think part of it is that I had to let go of my idea that I was going to meet friends that were exactly like my friends in college and be more open to who was actually here. Not everyone I socialize with is a teacher, interested in the outdoors/sports/environmental issues, etc. Not everyone is liberal. I don't know a single other vegan. And that's OK.
Also, I'm actually pretty shy in real life until I get to know people, so working up the guts to be the one to take the initiative and organize some get together also helped me a lot.
I have been out of undergrad for awhile now, but I had somewhat of a similar situation last year after I finished up grad school. I moved halfway across the country and left my spouse behind for a year. I was so scared... but it ended up being a really great experience. It sounds like I might be a little more introverted than you (and more inclined to enjoy me-time), but here are some things that got me through...
1. This relates a lot to what everyone else has said... but learn the community. Whatever is important to you, find it and get involved. For me it was a great coffeeshop with wireless access, a gym, and a handful of veg-friendly restaurants.
2. Don't be afraid to stick your nose into new social circles. Religious organizations are great for that... I'm not particularly religious but I did find myself going to some more liberal-minded services when I first got there (Unity, Unitarian Universalist). People were SO happy to show me around... and it was also great for learning about different classes/book groups in the area.
What even worked better for me though is www.meetup.com. They have groups for EVERYTHING... and they're used to new people just dropping by. A friend of mine who met a salsa dancing group recommended it to me, and when I moved to my new location I found a group to have veg*n meals with, a group to go hiking with, and a group who just got together and did really random stuff.
3. Your missing classes isn't something I can particularly empathize with, as I work in a university and am still super-surrounded by that whole environment. But perhaps part of the answer might be to do something intellectually stimulating on the side, if that's something you miss. It could be something formal like a book club or something (particularly if you need a social aspect), or informal like finding a great public library and committing yourself to reading everything on a new subject. This was something I would experience in summers off from college--I'd find myself just going to the local bookstore and catching up on all of this great literature.
I ended up taking the new free time to pick up some other skills too--like becoming a better cook!
4. Don't underestimate the friendships you can make at work (if you're comfortable with that--I know not everyone is). The people we spend the most time now are the people with whom we work. Even just sitting together at lunch (you're a teacher, right?) or going together for coffee or something can turn into weekend/night activities over time. I find that these friendships tend to start slower (but that's just me--I have a reputation for being overly serious at work), but they're also general some of my closest friendships.
And just think... if you've been exploring your neighborhood on your own, you'll have lots of fun recommendations for what to do :)
I guess just bottom line--be patient with yourself. Definite GET OUT THERE, but also think about how to use the time as a way to discover yourself. Good luck!
sometimes i just miss writing research papers. i love getting engulfed by research papers.
???
That's ONE thing I really don't miss at all about school!! I'm a terrible pocrastinator, so big papers and projects would always turn out to be a very stressful, sleepless time for me.
I agree with everyone about getting involved in local activities. Maybe check to see where your local wildlife rehab center is- volunteering your time there would be educational, interesting and a great way to meet people who care a lot about all creatures.
On the other hand, moving back might not be too bad of an idea. I'm not sure if you are from PA originally or if you just went to college there...if you do move back and your family is there that would be another bonus. There's probably a good chance you could at least hang out with some of your old college pals on the weekends. (I'm from Pittsburgh and went to college there so I'm pro-burgh biased!) Or, maybe you could move closer to a college town in Austin- as you know colleges are usually epicenters of liberal, educated people.
I understand missing the research papers. I do too! I think especially because my current job doesn't exactly challenge my brain.
Maybe you could look into taking a college course? It would be a good way to meet some people and get back into school mode!
Maybe you could look into taking a college course? It would be a good way to meet some people and get back into school mode!
That's a great idea!! Maybe you could find a good evening/night class available, if you could afford it...
I'm still in college--but I'm in my last year and I totally understand what you are talking about--it's weird to think that in about 8 months I'll suddenly be gone from the places and people I know...it defintely makes me sad and I can easily identify with what that must be like for you. I guess all I can really say is that I think you are going through a very normal reaction nd you have to make decisions that are going to be best for you--I know..no real comfort there....
Know that we all love you and send you our support--transitions can be long and painful, but given that you are one of the chosen people (a vegwebber of course) you are destined for greatness so no decesion will be a bad one ;D
Good luck and big (((((((HUGS))))))
get this!! this morning i emailed someone i found on craigslist, pagan liberal feminist girl. so we met for coffee and then went to the asian market! shes really neat, but is moving to austin in a couple months : ( but until then, i'll have someone to hang out with. we might even do dinner this week. anyways. at least i have one friend now! i'm still waiting for an email from another girl i found on craigslist. she seems pretty neat. so we'll see.
get this!! this morning i emailed someone i found on craigslist, pagan liberal feminist girl. so we met for coffee and then went to the asian market! shes really neat, but is moving to austin in a couple months : ( but until then, i'll have someone to hang out with. we might even do dinner this week. anyways. at least i have one friend now! i'm still waiting for an email from another girl i found on craigslist. she seems pretty neat. so we'll see.
They have Craigslist for friends?
get this!! this morning i emailed someone i found on craigslist, pagan liberal feminist girl. so we met for coffee and then went to the asian market! shes really neat, but is moving to austin in a couple months : ( but until then, i'll have someone to hang out with. we might even do dinner this week. anyways. at least i have one friend now! i'm still waiting for an email from another girl i found on craigslist. she seems pretty neat. so we'll see.
Well done! Hopefully you can also meet people *through* her in the mean time. My new close friend (we'd known each other for four years, but only super close in the last year or so) has introduced me to literally DOZENS of great people in the last 8 or 10 months.
yes, i feel the same way.
it isn't too intense, honestly, but i think that is mostly because i have vegweb. haha, without vegweb i would probably be sitting here tapping twiddling my fingers thumbs (i just had to leave what i originally wrote so you guys could see how dumb i am sometimes).
I do enjoy some of my coworkers a lot, but two of them are a couple and i don't tend to hang out with them too much because of that. the other person from work i hang out with on a semi-normal basis is still in school and such. *sigh*. i know i just need to get re-involved with things in the community, especially because there is a lot for me... but it's hard without someone else to do it with? i don't even know.
There is this vegan meetup group that i have been contemplating starting (on meetup.com), but haven't because when i met some other vegans in the area they said that they had been to some vegan meetup and it was like crazy hateful vegans that would get mad at everyone else and whatever (for example, like the vegans that destroy animal researchers houses/try to harm them.. yeah..). . anyway, i found a raw vegan cafe a mile away from me, which i will probably start spending time at (also at a yoga studio, so yeah). and on the way walking back from that i found a community garden that i am going to try t buy a plot on and do that a lot. i was thinking about volunteering at ecoslo (is what it sounds like, environmental stuffs in slo). i guess the long and short of it is i am trying to get out more, but like many on this thread have mentioned, i am more of a shy type/i am not the person to make the 'friend' move like "let's hang out!" (actually, i would, but only to invite them to do something, but i am never doing anything.. conundrum!).
another long and short of it is i grew out of everyone else i knew around here... the people who are just partiers or so into the music scene they are self-righteous about it, etc. etc. (though i can be a BIT of a music snob, i'm not going to judge someone for liking what they do or make them feel uncomfortable telling me a preference).
i would say move/change things, i guess, that's what i'm trying to do. haha.. good luck!
I've been experiencing the same thing. It wasn't too bad when I was living in New York because there were so many young people and events and I had an active social life. Two years ago I had to move back to Kansas to help out my parents, my dad is really sick with cancer and it was causing my mom to get depressed. I felt it was my duty, but as soon as I got here that depression, caused by isolation, hit me. So I did what you guys are talking about, retreated into school and was really busy with my projects. Now I am finished with the program and not having a lot of luck in my job hunt around here. I really want to move somewhere with more opportunities, and not just for career but social. I feel like my life is on hold. I am living in a small town in Kansas and it is very hard to meet like minded people. I also hate having to drive everytime I have to go to the closest cities (and support the oil companies). I am really hoping to meet some people through vegweb.
I've been experiencing the same thing. It wasn't too bad when I was living in New York because there were so many young people and events and I had an active social life. Two years ago I had to move back to Kansas to help out my parents, my dad is really sick with cancer and it was causing my mom to get depressed. I felt it was my duty, but as soon as I got here that depression, caused by isolation, hit me. So I did what you guys are talking about, retreated into school and was really busy with my projects. Now I am finished with the program and not having a lot of luck in my job hunt around here. I really want to move somewhere with more opportunities, and not just for career but social. I feel like my life is on hold. I am living in a small town in Kansas and it is very hard to meet like minded people. I also hate having to drive everytime I have to go to the closest cities (and support the oil companies). I am really hoping to meet some people through vegweb.
where in KS? ponycakes lives in manhattan.
where in KS? ponycakes lives in manhattan.
They have corresponded on the roll call thread! ;)b
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