Open letters
Seeing as we've got confessions and problems and issues springing up in threads all over the shop, I thought it might be interesting to have an open letter thread. Cathartic, perhaps. From your mother ruining your wedding, to your boyfriend who can't stop peeing on the toilet seat, or even that guy on the bus who kept making that annoying noise with his mouth, get it out here.
I'll get the ball rolling.
To my dear darling boyfriend,
Just because you are technically 'clean' when you come out the shower, it doesn't mean that I am okay with using the same towel you've been rubbing all over yourself for a month. I know you have others. I bought you two myself. Drag them out from the murky depths of the laundry basket, wash them and allow me the temporary use of a clean one.
Love, Cat
Dear Everyone-On-Veggie-Connection-Over-the-Age-of-Thirty,
Not interested. Stop sending me those "you've piqued my interest!" cards.
Not love,
KMK
Dear Allularpunk
Thank you, I knew you would understand! I don’t know that I will say anything at this point, but the next time hubby wants to invite him over I’m spilling my guts! He is NOT coming over my house again. If hubby wants to hang out with him from time to time they can go to his house!
So glad to here your waste of space will no longer be sharing the precious air you breathe! ;)b I was wondering how your situation was going….
PB
Dearest AP-
Why do we 'deal' with the retarded crap of our significant others? I for one do not need more crap in my life and wish my sig-other would stop bringing me more! It does not feel well nor does it settle wel with PB....
PB
Dear PB,
oh, no, that situation is still not resolved. unfortunately. i was speaking of a different waste of space that i rarely see now, which is good. the unwanted roomie situation is... not really going anywhere. unfortunately.
-AP
Dear Everyone-On-Veggie-Connection-Over-the-Age-of-Thirty,
Not interested. Stop sending me those "you've piqued my interest!" cards.
Not love,
KMK
Dear KMK,
Please stop making me feel so old.
Love,
VC
Dear Rain,
Please try to go one day without falling. Take a vacation...it is summer after all.
Love,
:) Panda
Dear Happy Panda,
Please send us your rain. I'll take delivery in a heart beat and trade you our 43ºC temps. I can't say "43ºC in the shade" cuz they ain't no shade. At all. Anywhere.
Roll on, sweet gentle October, roll on.
Love,
YG
Dear Urine,
Why do you STILL smell like Indian food? Is there an asparagus spice in it? ???
Truly,
?
Dear Rain,
Please try to go one day without falling. Take a vacation...it is summer after all.
Love,
:) Panda
Dear Happy Panda,
Please send us your rain. I'll take delivery in a heart beat and trade you our 43ºC temps. I can't say "43ºC in the shade" cuz they ain't no shade. At all. Anywhere.
Roll on, sweet gentle October, roll on.
Love,
YG
Dear Yabbit,
I'm not sure that it would help because despite all the rain it's still been very hot and humid here. I will send you some margaritas and ice cream instead.
Love HP
Dear throat,
Please stop being so sore. I need to get on with my life. It's been almost 5 days now. Get over whatever is bothering you. And while you are at it, tell your buddy nose to stop being so stuffy too.
Dear VC,
I love your new picture.
:) AC
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Dear YG,
Huh? Is it October there? :o
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Dear CK urine,
Gross! WTF.
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Dear KMK,
I had TWO dreams about you.
Bff, AC
No, AC, of course it isn't. And I wish it were. "Roll on" means "please come quickly", as in "keep rolling along till you get here."
I have 6 weeks of summer hell before we can expect even a minor drop in temperatures. I would like to nominate whoever invented AC for some kind of prize. If we had solar power it would be perfect...the sun helping to power AC to beat the sun!
I invented myself! I'll RE-invent myself with solar power, for you. :-*
Dear AC,
Thanks!
:> VC
I invented myself! I'll RE-invent myself with solar power, for you. :-*
I believe that your parents invented you, AC.
They created me. I invented me. Duh!
Dear beloved peach brandy-
I feel as though we do not have a healthy relationship because I frequently drink way too much of you. I’m not going to be able to keep you around as much I’m afraid. Please do not take it personally. You are just too tasty and you call my name nightly. ….
PB
Dear roommate,
Will you please ask me next time you decide to eat the LAST of my leftover food that I planned on taking with me to work? You have now done this two days in a row and I'm kind of over it. I even bought an extra bread bowl for my leftover bisque to take to work, but you took the last of the soup to work for your own lunch. And now I don't have any leftover chickpea cutlets for lunch today. I'm glad you have a lunch, but cooking another lunch in the morning is kind of a pain in the ass. I still love you, but you have been pissing me off lately.
Love,
roommate
Dear FedEx Box on my front doorstep,
Please be there by the time I get home! You contain a very expensive corset and I will weep for months if I have to replace you. Plus I wont have anything to wear this weekend to Faire!
Pretty please! With sugar on top,
~Cali
Dear Sun,
I know you really like SA but I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't keep hitting us with 100+ degree days. I have the whitest legs in Texas which I won't be able to get rid of until you cool off enough for me to lay out and enjoy your brillance. Please!
Thanks,
S
Dear Sun,
I know you really like SA but I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't keep hitting us with 100+ degree days. I have the whitest legs in Texas which I won't be able to get rid of until you cool off enough for me to lay out and enjoy your brillance. Please!
Thanks,
S
Dear sun-
I second that for Colorado!
PB
dear wordpress message board user,
why are you a dick to me.
- sensitive sally
Dear open letters,
You are so funny.
;D AC
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