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Open letters

Seeing as we've got confessions and problems and issues springing up in threads all over the shop, I thought it might be interesting to have an open letter thread. Cathartic, perhaps. From your mother ruining your wedding, to your boyfriend who can't stop peeing on the toilet seat, or even that guy on the bus who kept making that annoying noise with his mouth, get it out here.

I'll get the ball rolling.

To my dear darling boyfriend,

Just because you are technically 'clean' when you come out the shower, it doesn't mean that I am okay with using the same towel you've been rubbing all over yourself for a month. I know you have others. I bought you two myself. Drag them out from the murky depths of the laundry basket, wash them and allow me the temporary use of a clean one.

Love, Cat

Good thread, Catski!

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Dear nose,

I know that the new weather is playing havoc on our sinuses but please stop bleeding.  It freaks people out when it happens in public.  You always pick a time when I don't have any tissues.

Sincerely,
S

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Dear FLeas,
Why oh why did you have to choose MY cat and  MY house in which to make your home? Must you land on my children and cause them to itch? Why must you be so hard to squish between my fingers?

Did you choose us because were vegan and you think we will spare your lives?

Well let me tell you something....when it comes to fleas my vegan values get thrown out the window, and I will have no problem killing you and all of your children in cold blood.  >:D

Sincerely,
Little2ant

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Dear L2A,

http://www.clicksmilies.com/s1106/aktion/action-smiley-028.gif

-Officer AC

I am mailing some fleas to your house!!!  >:D

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:lol:

Yay! Mail from L2A!!!!

;)

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Dear Lyle,
:)>>>
I know you can't read this yet, but I just want to thank you for staying attached to my breast all day and drinking SO much milk. You have helped me lose about 20 pounds so far and I haven't even exercised yet! Plus you are looking cuter with your little double chin....and mine is starting to fade! Way to go buddy!

Love,

Mommy

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Dear Vegwebbers,
your letters are very entertaining and I thank you all for sharing them. 
love,
alg

Dear M,
Please hurry up and stop being sleepy and undecisive.  You were supposed to come by 45 minutes ago so that we could go kayaking.  I set my alarm, got up, showered, dressed, put on sunblock, and was all ready to go even before you called to say you were now unsure about whether we should even go.  Sure, there are predictions for t-storms, but right now it's sunny and clear and I want to kayak, damnit! If you woke up when you were supposed to there is no way we would get rained out.  Now stop being so lame!!  >:( 
with much frustration,
alg

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Dear Vegdudes and dudettes,

Thanks for your brilliant letters. Hope it's been cathartic yet entertaining for you all.

Love, Cat.

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dear Dear Friend,

I will miss you fantastically. Come back soon

tino

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dear Everyone Else,

I need more of you in my life. Please don't be shy.

tino

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Dear M,
Thanks for magically reading my previous letter.  Thanks for agreeing to use the double kayak (which was suuuch a better deal than the singles) and for putting up with the (accidental) splashes.  I had a great time and I'd love to go again soon!
:)
alg

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dear about a boy,

how come every time i read you i have to listen to nirvana?

love, hesp.

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Dear family-
I'm so sick of your attitude lately. I may not be talking to you much for a little while, I need some space. Please don't be too angry at me for it. AND PLEASE quite being so hyper critical of me! Why would i want to be around you when all you is give me shit.

Dear future friends I do not have yet-
Please help me find you faster. I need some friends that will stop giving me shit for who I am.

PB

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Dear USPS,

What the heck is taking so long? Have you delivered the package? One of your employees told me that priority shipping would be 4 to 6 days...it has now been ummm 8 or 9. wth?

thhf

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Dear Canada,

Why do you have so many public holidays? Every time I need to get something important done, it seems all of your government offices are closed.

You are almost as bad as Germany in this respect, and I don't appreciate it.

Anonymous.

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dear dad,

please get into town by noon so we can have lunch together.  i miss you.

love,
your peach

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Dear Anxiety,

I hate you.  I know you are suppose to serve a purpose but when you come for no reason and just hang around and get stronger and stronger it makes my life miserable.  Go away! If you are truly needed for a fight of flight type response...fine but otherwise I want you to leave me alone.

thhf

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Dear coworker,

Why must you talk so loudly when speaking on the phone?  Is everyone you talk to hearing-impaired?  You may be surprised to find, that the little half partition that divides us does not block the sound of your voice.  In fact, I know much more about you then I’ve ever cared to know.  Since you never stop talking, I know it is will be quite difficult for you to do this.  However, as a special favor to me, do you think you could not talk with your mouth full of food.  It makes me want to puke and I’m sure the person you are talking with on the phone would appreciate it as well.  And just one more thing, why is it that you must tear every piece of paper in half before throwing it in the garbage?  Maybe you are unaware of the company shredder?  To me, the sound is like nails on a chalkboard.  It is quite maddening, actually.  Please stop torturing me, this job is torture enough.

Your fellow neighbor in a box.

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Dear Second Son,

Sometimes you can be such a brat.  :-[

Mom

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Dear Anxiety,

I hate you.  I know you are suppose to serve a purpose but when you come for no reason and just hang around and get stronger and stronger it makes my life miserable.  Go away! If you are truly needed for a fight of flight type response...fine but otherwise I want you to leave me alone.

thhf

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