Open letters
Seeing as we've got confessions and problems and issues springing up in threads all over the shop, I thought it might be interesting to have an open letter thread. Cathartic, perhaps. From your mother ruining your wedding, to your boyfriend who can't stop peeing on the toilet seat, or even that guy on the bus who kept making that annoying noise with his mouth, get it out here.
I'll get the ball rolling.
To my dear darling boyfriend,
Just because you are technically 'clean' when you come out the shower, it doesn't mean that I am okay with using the same towel you've been rubbing all over yourself for a month. I know you have others. I bought you two myself. Drag them out from the murky depths of the laundry basket, wash them and allow me the temporary use of a clean one.
Love, Cat
Dear gas,
I wish you would go away because are making my room stink. And now I have to go to work. I don't feel like holding you in all day. Thanks!
Your pal,
Base
Dear Yabbit,
I am sitting here trying to think of an appropriate name for my "nameless dread". ;)
thhf
Dear Hubby-
Question: How is it you can walk into a perfectly clean room, touch nothing, and yet the room is a mess when you leave???? I was under the impression only toddlers had that 'gift' but apparently I have been misinformed.... Husbands AND toddlers possess that gift! Who knew?!? :P
Lovingly-
Your nagging (yet faboulous) wife
ps- thank you for going to 'waste of space' friends house for xbox night instead of burdening me with his presence in our home ;)b
Dear Mother Nature-
THANKYOU for ending Colorado's 90+ degree weather streak and bless your heart for putting Colo. in the low 80's for the extended forecast ;)b I apologize for cursing you days on end, but it was really fricking hot there for awhile. Now if you could just bring me October I would be eternally grateful.
Your Fan-
PB
Dear coworker,
Why must you talk so loudly when speaking on the phone? Is everyone you talk to hearing-impaired?
People that are hearing impaired may themselves talk very loud. My step-sister's husband is VERY loud and I was always like WTF DUDE!?!?!?! And then I found out he is almost completely def in one of his ears.
dear drunk ass stupid neighbors,
It's monday night. MONDAY!!! No one parties on a monday night! wtf is wrong with you? I have to get up at 5am, what about you? Hmmm, I have a sneaking suspicion that you might get someone pounding on your door tomorrow morning. Only if you keep me up tonight of course. seriously, GROW THE F*%@ UP!! You're in your 30's. Geez.
signed,
your super light sleeper of a neighbor in #11
dear deaf old lady neighbor,
please for the love of pete get your hearing checked!! It's not good for you to be listening to tv at that decibel level, and it sure as hell isn't good for us either. You're retired, so you can go to bed whenever you want. Alas, some of us are young and have to work. EARLY. Call your doctor, please??
signed,
your super light sleeper of a neighbor that shares a common wall with you
ETA: um actually it's tuesday night, and i'm all screwed up cause i worked thurs/fri/sat, and i never work those days. grr, sorry folks!
Pink, I party on Monday if the mood stikes me... :-\ But I'm not loud nor do I share a common wall with anyone...
Dear Pink,
Isn't it Tuesday there, too? ??? I miss talking to you more.
-AC
-----------------------------------------
Dear SoG and AnS,
Let us know when you have fallen in love.
-AC (your co-matchmaker)
Pink, I party on Monday if the mood stikes me... :-\ But I'm not loud nor do I share a common wall with anyone...
they're outside on the patio, music blaring, screaming, singing, being super loud and annoying. THAT kind of partying. it's cool if you live in a complex that does that kind of stuff, but this is a lot of families, older people, and working folks. They're the only loud college students. Sorry if I offended you.
AC-
whoa, i am way off. i worked thurs/fri/sat. i never work that. so i'm all screwed up. sorry!!
Dear neighbor in a box,
I honestly had no idea what my paper tearing was doing to you. I guess I never really thought about it. The reason I do it is to flag it as "shredder box" recycling as opposed to regular recycling, so I know to take it to the shredder box on my next bathroom trip. Thanks for letting me know. (Seriously, I think I'm going to ask a couple co-workers that I trust to give me honest answers. Funny how the most annoying people probably don't even have a clue! ::))
-Your annoying, apologetic neighbor
Pink, I party on Monday if the mood stikes me... :-\ But I'm not loud nor do I share a common wall with anyone...
they're outside on the patio, music blaring, screaming, singing, being super loud and annoying. THAT kind of partying. it's cool if you live in a complex that does that kind of stuff, but this is a lot of families, older people, and working folks. They're the only loud college students. Sorry if I offended you.
No offense at all! Neighbors like that suck I agree!
Dear Doctor Piazza,
Thank you ever so much for leaving me sitting in a freezing exam room wearing nothing but a giant napkin for an hour and forty-five minutes. I realize you're a big hot shot spinal surgeon but for the record, my time is every bit as valuable as your time. You'd just better live up to your reputation pal!
Sincerely,
A Pissed-off Patient
Dear Body:
Thank you for going for walks and losing 2 lbs. A pound a week, I can live with that. Now, don't let Mouth sabotage it by eating halva.
Love,
Your Soul
Dear bp,
Am I your secret crush? JK, but I think I know who it is. Maybe I'll message you and ask you....b/c it's that important to me. ;)
-AC
Dear Time,
Please give me more of you so I can catch up on VegWeb and decipher who BP's crush is.
(I love romance!)
-Can't Keep Up
To Whom It May Concern:
I think I know! I think I know!! I think it's someone whose first food picture I was extremely impressed by. OK. That's all I'll say. And if I'm right, you two would make SUCH a great couple cuz you're both really super neato. And I think you guys might even be geographically compatible, though for VW crushes I'm not sure that matters.
-Way too excited
Dear VW,
Lubi and I have created a love match, if you aren't aware. SoG and AnS are now in love. Thanks to us.
-Vegan matchmaking service
and Dear BP,
if you tell us who your crush is we can probably help you too!!!
dear tino,
be BP's crush. hearts,
tino
Dear neighbor in a box,
I honestly had no idea what my paper tearing was doing to you. I guess I never really thought about it. The reason I do it is to flag it as "shredder box" recycling as opposed to regular recycling, so I know to take it to the shredder box on my next bathroom trip. Thanks for letting me know. (Seriously, I think I'm going to ask a couple co-workers that I trust to give me honest answers. Funny how the most annoying people probably don't even have a clue! ::))
-Your annoying, apologetic neighbor
You have a neighbor in a box? I have tried and just can't seem to figure out what that means except the obvious...neighbor in a box. I know after you explain it you will want to but a "duh!" smilie..feel free to do so. ???
Dear bp,
How can you write a letter like that and not tell us who it is. Don't you know that we all are wracking our brains to figure it out. I truly don't have a clue(well a tiny clue maybe)..but I am dense like that. :o I am sure whom ever it is would be completely flattered.
nosy nelly
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